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This is a migraine fest!
There are some scenes that literally made my head hurt. The cinematography is so strong that I couldn't watch it without feeling nauseous. If only the movie was worth the head ache, but the slow story telling was annoying and boring. I like "artistic" movies, for example I like Ari Aster's work, but this is just way too slow and painful. 2/10 for at least trying for something new. Now I'm going to get me a pain killer.
And this started out interesting..
So, this movie is a mess indeed. A huge mess. It started with a promise; good cast, interesting plot that could be taken anywhere. I was expecting a lot, even when Dakota J. was in it and I hate her guts. But this movie fell apart awfully. The plot twists don't make any sense, they just tell you the same things over and over again but they don't expand it. There is no additional knowledge of what is truly going on and the viewer is left baffled. The whole "will he cheat on his girl or not?" was a useless plotpoint and brought nothing to the story. The only reason I'm giving this a 3/10 is because the beginning was promising.
Obnoxious vapid chicks should get murdered faster
Seeing and listening to the three girls is a nightmare. By 10 minute mark you are praying someone would kill them very fast, because you just cannot take them anymore. Horrible bs.
Above the average current horror garbage
This movie is actually watchable. The cast does a great job; Lily Taylor always delivers and she's been one of my favorite actresses for some time now. The boy playing Eli was surprisingly believable and since the progression of the plot relied so much on him, he really delivered. The plot was surprising but on the other hand believable, which is quite a rarity nowadays. I am giving a solid 7/10 because the plot took it's time to evolve and the ghosts just didn't really suite the theme of the film. But still, overall a fine film!
Bad Apples (2018)
I guess they tried..
This movie is not the worst of 2018 or any era for that matter, there are FAR worse movies around. A very basic home invasion flick with average acting and average plot. One thing that makes this averagefest rise above all the garbage that I have watched lately, is the twins. They don't talk but they look actually interesting. There is something that could have been developed for a better movie. Well, it is what it is. The ending exposition is awful though and the girl telling the story is.. I wish to all that is holy she will never act again. The last 10 minutes are HELL.
A horror actress is supposed to be able to cry!
There is actually some effort here, not going to lie. The plot is decent and the main actor is alright. But the actress.. are you kidding? When someone is TORTURING you, you're supposed to be terrified. She seems like she just has some constipation! Takes all the edge of the movie right there. Also the so called other woman is focused on way too much, she is very irritating with her fake facial expressions. Otherwise, for a cheap film this is actually somewhat watchable.
V/H/S Viral (2014)
Nothing good about this movie
I cannot imagine why this was one. The main plot is confusing as hell and the stories inbetween are just boring. The only good thing about this movies is that you know the stories are short, so this doesn't seem as bad as it really is. The parallel universe was absolutely the worst, but that doesn't mean the rest is any better, they are just a bit less boring. I actually like V/H/S and the very first story is my absolute favorite. This one you shouldn't watch. Thank god I watched it free on tv, if I had paid to see this, I would be furious.
It Follows (2014)
One of the worst movies I've seen for a while
The movie is souless and boring. The characters so so annoying and the smart-ass hipster bs just makes this movie even worse. I just cannot say anything good about this; even when the basic idea is kind of interesting, the way it's shown ruins it.
The Evil Down the Street (2019)
So this is supposed to be horror nowadays?
In the first 10 minutes I realized what this movie is about. When nothing actually scary happens, they play the ominous sound to tell that something scary is supposed to happen. A car on the street - dun-dun-duuuun!
A closed door - dun-dun-duuuun!
an Ouija board -dun-dun-duuun!
Someone opening the door, someone looking at the wall.. Yes, VERY scary!!!!
Tense music playing all the time and nothing bad happening.
When you have no original ways to tell the story, use tropes like "from the moment they step into the house, one of the kids just "knows" something isn't right", or "the neighbors are there only for exposition".
Acting and cinematography are basic, so I can give few points for them, but otherwise.. nothing special.
Long Lost (2018)
Tasteless and colourless
This is a movie that is 100% dependable on the characters. The plot is kind of existent but barely and most of the movie is just wandering around. The two guys are alright, the crazy one is just hilariously crazy and seems to enjoy what he's doing aa an actor. The girl is.. well, she's just annoying and not even close to being as hot and she seems to be. The mystery guy was a nice add, but that's because I remember him from Joss Whedon's Dollhouse-series. Anyway, a movie dragging like this and not really creating any atmosphere is dissapointing at best. The "twist" was.. I don't even know what it is. it just exists. Like the movie.
The Exorcist (2016)
This show really surprised me in a good way!
The Exorcist is a horror classic. It is That Movie that still after all these years gives me goosebumps and Father Karras is on my top 5 horror movie characters ever.
So, when I started watching the series on Prime, I wasn't very convinced about the quality. But even with some flaws, it is an interesting and well done show. I have only watched the first season, so my 8/10 is based on that. Anyway, the characters are great, especially Marcus, I just really enjoy whenever he's on the screen because there is so much depthness into him. Geena Davis is one of my favorite female actresses and seeing her perform elevates the show. But all of them work great together.
The plot is coherent and the effects are seameless. The attic scene actually unnerved me, a horror junkie.
The only negative thing, that lowers
the score, is the repetative way the scenes are build. Almost every scene seems to end "without a satisfaction of knowing how it turned out". Scenes are ended with someone making a question and it is never (or at least very rarely) answered. There are no immediate consequences to a discussion or actions. The subway incident was brushed away, where are the cops?? But, I have to forgive those missteps because after all they managed to make a working show about the frigging Exorcist!!! Who would've guess that, I didn't.
So, good job, looking forward to the second season. Too bad Prime shot itself on the leg by cancelling the show, but what's new? Santa Clarita Diet on Netflix, Penny Dreadful on Showtime. The executives don't know a good show when they see one!!!
The Lost Coast (2008)
Not my cup of tea
I didn't actually even know what I was getting into. Just wanted to see a random film on Prime. Well, I wasn't that intrigued. The slow, dreamy pace and plot that doesn't go anywhere, didn't work for me. I get it, it's artsy, yay, but boring as hell.
They Remain (2018)
Getting tired of these pretentious horror movies..
This film is slow, boring and pretentious. It's very hard to try to enjoy something that doesn't really seem to have any point. With some films the clinical way of representing the plot works but this isn't one of those. The surroundings are beautiful, but that doesn't save the film. The source of the paranoia amongst the colleagues isn't explained very well, but it's certainly boring to watch. If you want to see a meaningful horror movie with zero pretentinuousness, watch 'Midsommar' instead.
A Cure for Wellness (2016)
I Don't Feel So Good
First of all, this movie is too long. There is a lot to leave out here and because the film is too long, all the excitement kind of drains out. Second of all, the plot is all over the place. Too much details stuffed into a one movie and it's exhausting to watch and keep track of. Thi of all, the theme is really annoying. It's playing all through the movie and in the end it started to give me a headache.
The surroundings are beautiful and there were many interesting elements to the plot. The cast was okay I suppose, not a big fan of Mia Goth because all she seems to be capable of is looking like a scared deer in the head lights of a car and her "I'm such a weird chick"-schtick gets real old real fast.
A few points for originality, atmosphere and the surroundings. but otherwise... Meh.
Night Shadows (1984)
A fun flick with surprisingly coherent plot
'Mutant' is a simple, but surprisingly well-made 80's horror film. I am not a huge fan of 80's horror, mainly because the over-dramatic music combined with over-dramatic acting is quite tiresome, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate a good movie when I see one. Obviously this movie is made with best intentions, you can see the passion and the preciseness of the makers. Some things stick out; the mutants are kind of awkward (one of them actually checks the floor that they don't trip on anything) and you can see the dead people breathing. Whenever someone's standing in front of a window, someone attacks from the other side, of course. The town folk hate the city dwellers, of course. But still, 'Mutant' is above average 80's horror and that is simply because you can see how much effort has been put into it and even with a few things kind of bothering, there is nothing particularly bad about it. That's a 7/10.
The Purge (2018)
Why so much negative reviews? Get over yourself!
I'm not really sure what I was expecting, but first season of Purge was better than I expected. Sure, some of the editing was really bad, like the Gauntlet, but overall an interesting and well-made show. There were characters that redeemed themselves towards the end and I liked that there wasn't this black and white thinking of "who's good and who's bad". We all have the power to do good and bad and sometimes we aren't given a choice. I also liked that fact that even main characters weren't safe; someone, that you were sure was going to be safe, wasn't. I felt like there wasn't illogical plot points that much and that's usually what botheres me a lot. Maybe a few scenes where for example people magically found each other, but nothing that bad. So season 1 is a 8/10 and I will return with season 2, hoping it's as good.
Five: Find Your Limit (2016)
What am I watching?
1.) This movie just has no pulse, it's slow and boring. It's also very short, which is pretty much a sign of a crappy movie. The point of the movie isn't very clear and they focus too much on useless things, like yeah, haha bullying the Christian guy is funny. Childish crap! All of the characters are very unlikeable. I have no choice but to give this a 2/10. It started at 5, which is the average score; bad pacing and plot -1,5 and bad characters -1,5. That's 2.
What can I tell ya, meat eaters are insane but at least they're entertaining
As a dedicated vegetarian, these kind of movies are hilarious. Those craving for meat are indeed screwed up in the head.
No, seriously, this movie was fun to watch. I'm aware this is a remake and I haven't seen the original. I do however enjoy the work of the Soska sisters and wanted to see how they pull this one off. As I expected, they did a solid job. Not a masterpiece but certainly a far better movie than many more famous horror movies that are currently box office hits. Now I have a rabid craving for some vegetarian dish :)
The effort much appreciated
This is not a bad movie at all. It's not a maaterpiece obviously, but I find better than this low score of 4,5. The story is quite coherent and seeing a lot of incoherent horror movies, I really value that. The effects are alright and the acting is decent at best. Yes, there are cliches but they didn't bother me that much, because the story was interesting. Honestly, I'm not quite sure what the movie is missing, but some sort of wow-factor is missing, and that is why I cannot give more than 6/10. Above average this is anyway. Also, as someone, who tends to shy away from social media, I' not too mad about the message. Social media tends to make people idiots.. or rather it just brings the moronic behaviour out of us..
If they had continued with the style of season 1..
I watched the very first episode and I was intrigued. I really liked the style of drama mixed with narration and animation. Some of the episodes, like the one with the werewolf of Bedburg or Robert the doll, were a bit confusing and I feel like they left too much stuff out to make the stories comprehensible, but still, an entertaining show. I live in Finland, I don't know who the narrator Mahnke is, but I liked this style and felt like he made the show what it is. Season 2 was therefore a disappointment. I watched season 1 without distraction, now I find myself.. well, writing reviews on IMDb instead of concentrating on the show. That sucks. I hope they get their.. stuff.. together for season 3 and bring the narrator back, otherwise I will not watch it..
Flight 666 (2018)
Someone put me out of my misery!
I saw that someone gave this film 7/10? Was that person on heavy drugs while reviewing?! This film is so horribly boring. It's not particularly bad, but it is so mind numbingly boring that I wish I had the courage to jump off of the balcony. First of all, there is no sense in the plot. Like, NO sense AT ALL. Second of all, everything is extremely flat. No character and no passion. Even watching really bad movies you can see the passion and the creativity behind all, but this.. Oh my god, there is no pulse. DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME ON THIS POS.
A solid, good looking film
Alexander Aja can direct a well balanced action-horror, I've seen most of his films and he just knows what he's doing. 'Crawl' is better than the average man vs. beast- film. Well shot with great and seameless effects and with a solid casting. The father, daughter and dog- trio really pulled it off. Now and then the film gets a bit gory, and that exactly what it needs, no PG-13 -bs. Like in all similar films, there are certain tropes that you have to include to make the story go forward; lots of good luck and coincidents, several "who's going to make it?"-type of situations and the most famous, "Yes, I almost got my leg chewed off but I can still use it like nothing happened". That is why I cannot give this more than 7. (More accurate would be 6,5, but cannot do that.) But to be fair, it would be almost impossible to give 10 to a this type of film, no matter how well done it is. I still think people should watch this though, there are soooo much bad action horror and this is actually good. I have to give a very special thank you for the outstanding cinematography, really enjoyed it.
Well, they did try..
I can see that these guys had an original idea and they really tried to make something special, but I find this film too vague, irrational and boring. There were no horror elements here, so anyone who calls this a "horror movie", is a liar. The beginning was actually interesting and the setting for everything was kind of solid; decent acting and characters and a mystery that started to unravel. Then it turned into something so uninteresting and boring, and all of the things that just happened and were left unsolved altogether. The girl in the window? Who cares. The guys by the river? Who cares. The man in the trailer was an exposition trope, not to mention aaaaall the other tropes that I am getting tired of. In the end the film was a mess and the ending didn't help to solve ANYTHING. I get it, wannabe- artsy- film watchers want to feel superior and call this one great, but it's not. I'm being generous with my 4.
Edit: There was somethinf that bothered me and now I remember: the editing was really bad and the editor should return back to serving lattes in Starbuck's.
47 Meters Down: Uncaged (2019)
Sink your Jaws into this if you're REALLY bored
I listened to the Horror Movie Talk- episode about this movie and wanted to see whether it was really that bad. A typical under-the-sea horror with bad lighting, jump scares and predictable ending. The acting wasn't that bad in my opinion, Jamie Foxx's daughter was the weakest link without a doubt. There were some actually exciting moments comparing to the first one, so even though Uncaged was bad, I did genuinely sit at the edge of my seat at times. The ending was overboard (no pun intended) but fun. But, even the few good moments didn't save this movie and yes, I'm aware they were under the sea but at times I actually didn't see what was happening.
Girl on the Third Floor (2019)
Same stuff in a new package
This movie is nothing new, many familiar horror tropes and an age-old ghost story. A man moves into a house, the house is haunted but the man is too self-absorbed to notice anything, the man has a disposable pet dog and a disposable friend, so on and so on.. The cast was barely okay, the main character was a bit more decent than the rest.The ending was wrapped up quickly and we hardly learned anything. And of course, in the end everything SEEMS fine but wait, there is a twist.. yeah, NO. The only interesting part was the actual house, it had some real character and watching the man sticking his hands into all kinds of goo was both disgusting and somehow intriguing. I just wished the plot was better and that it would bring something fresh into the world of horror and it certainly didn't..