Change Your Image
Upload An Image
Crop And Save
Consistently ranked in the Top 100 "Movie Puns of All Time" . . .
. . . "Popeye's" immortal observation, "Hair today, goon tomorrow" is enough all by itself to make GOONLAND a worthwhile experience. With this summer's release of ANGEL HAS FALLEN, many Popeye aficionados are making the obvious comparison between the father-son pairings of Pappy-Popeye and "Nick N.-Gerard B." This, of course, begs the question of, "Which team is Nick representing?" After a careful review of "Clay Banning's" attributes, 57% of those poled by AT&T place Nick's character among the goons. (Obviously, the make-up and hair designers for ANGEL HAS FALLEN based Clay's "look" upon a composite of Nick's Real Life mug shots and the noggin stylings of GOONLAND's inhabitants.) In Real Life, America yearns for a "Band of Brothers" serving our Homeland under the eye of a watchful leader (preferably, someone like "T. Hanks"). However, the sort of fratricide documented in ANGEL HAS FALLEN more often proves to be the sad Reality. Therefore, the U.S. Military should use GOONLAND as a Boot Camp training film, teaching all the future grunts, jarheads, tars, and fly boys to stick together, goon fashion.
Angel Has Fallen (2019)
This flick drives a final nail into the Coffin of the . . .
. . . "Band of Brothers" Myth. Throughout ANGEL HAS FALLEN, two U.S. Army buddies--"Mike" and "Wade"--do their best to frame, maim, and kill each other (mostly for money). In Real Life, a military comrade fatally shot the AMERICAN SNIPER of movie fame on a gun range. In Real Life, FORENSICS FILES provides viewers with a steady stream of "fraternal" homicides (often over women) taking place within the military milieu around bases here and overseas. In Real Life, a "Band of Brothers" care officer slew more than a dozen trench mates at Fort Hood, TX. Speaking of Ft. Hood, ANGEL HAS FALLEN's Mike was born there. That should have been enough to wise him up to the fact that most "servicemen" are just in it for the money. When the Job Market is bad, Enlistment goes up. If you dine at a restaurant full of military folk, most everyone will be grousing about their nickel and dime concerns. It's the goal of nearly every Army Ranger like Mike and Wade, or Navy SEAL, to become a better-paid mercenary fighter (of killer for the highest bidder). Who can blame them, when their current Elder "Brother" (or Clown-in-Chief) constantly bad-mouths POW's and Gold Star families? ANGEL HAS FALLEN will convince you that now is the time to disband the anachronistic, archaic, and anarchy-abetting "Band of Brothers" once and for all.
Don't Let Go (2019)
My neighbor had a baby-sitting emergency . . .
. . . so I volunteered to take her three young grand daughters to see LET IT GO, thinking that this was the FROZEN sequel. It turned out that the movie we saw wasn't even called that. DON'T LET GO isn't a cartoon, either. However, as luck would have it, DON'T LET GO is an excellent cautionary tale for young gals, probably containing even more survival skills likely to be helpful in Real Life situations and crises than FROZEN itself! Rule Number One: Do NOT answer cell phone calls from dead people! Every young person needs to realize that if someone's dead and buried, and THEN they give you a jingle, they'll be using a LAND LINE! Otherwise, your safest bet to handle such a patently bogus incoming call is to treat it like a ring from "Scam Likely." Secondly, don't believe that "James Bond" malarkey about YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE. (DON'T LET GO suggests "Jack" may have more lives than a cat.) Third, don't trust America's most crooked institution (aka, "law enforcement"). This sorry lot is so corrupt that they siphon off our scarce tax dollars to fund thousands of "Internal Affairs" departments to INVESTIGATE THEMSELVES! So see DON'T LET GO for yourself to gain even more helpful hints toward secure living.
The Jeep (1938)
Almost from his inception, the comic character "Popeye" has been known . . .
. . . . for his propensity to Time Travel. Because I personally cannot top such tomes on this topic as SAILING THROUGH THE MULTI-VERSE WITH THE SAILOR MAN or THANKS FOR ALL THE SPINACH!, I will not waste space comparing THE JEEP to the OTHER 183 brief "Popeye" cartoons which have been singled out and recognized for their forays into the Fifth Dimension. However, having taken a year of French in Ninth Grade, I would like to allude to the moment during THE JEEP where my near-bilingualism came in handy. This telling incident takes place shortly after "Popeye" arrives at his baby-sitter "Olive's" high-rise flat, and learns that his adopted brat has turned up AWOL. During Popeye's initial search of the apartment for "Sweet Pea," America's favorite sailor looks for the troubled runaway tyke in a picture frame, paraphrasing the Parisians by muttering "Search-shay la frame." What could be more timeless than that?
Plumbing Is a 'Pipe' (1938)
Since my brother-in-law is a Master Plumber . . .
. . . naturally a film with a title such as PLUMBING IS A 'PIPE' constitutes "Must-See" video. How does PLUMBING IS A 'PIPE' compare to the Real World of faucets and fixtures, I wondered. When viewing this brief cartoon, it's important to remember that "Popeye" is a sailor, NOT a professional pipe man. ("Wimpy" plays the pro piper here, in an uncredited role.) Therefore, it should come as no surprise that Popeye's do-it-yourself fix-it efforts at "Olive's" house turn out to be pretty worthless: Homeowners generally get that for which they pay. (I hired the most affordable piper to repair the shower at my mom's house ten year's ago, and it STILL doesn't work--BUT she now has gaping holes in two different walls!!) Though Popeye's spinach-driven temporary "solutions" hold back the rising tide of Olive's Troubles for a few moments toward the end of PLUMBING IS A 'PIPE,' Ms. Pipe Cleaner of 1938 still winds up in a worse predicament than she was facing prior to her sailor man's arrival upon her scene. (They say blood is thicker than water, but when my brother-in-law himself replaced the innards of my loo a few years back, it did not take very long for this phantom fixture to begin flushing itself every three minutes all day--and night--long!)
The Angry Birds Movie 2 (2019)
In one of "Mr. Carroll's" famed "Alice" books, he once puzzled over "Whether . . . "
" . . . pigs have wings." This loose adaptation of Mr. C.'s "The Walrus and the Carpenter's" final stanza illustrates that they surely do. ANGRY BIRDS 2 covers the entire gamut of this piece of epic literature, from "cabbages" to "kings" (which translates, roughly, to "from Silver to Red" on the ANGRY BIRDS color chart). Starting off with its faithful depiction of (horse)SHOES crabs on the move and equally mobile (submarine) SHIPS, the plot of ANGRY BIRDS gets deadly serious when It opens the vein of "Zeta's" SEALING WAX. This gets the inhabitants of Bird Island wondering "why the sea is boiling hot" in the middle of an ice ball barrage, which naturally segues into the aforementioned aerial pigs. Anyone who has ever watched the ham sandwiches flying off the chow table at a potluck will feel no surprise at such ANGRY BIRDS' airborne characters. But while Mr. C. felt no qualms at the queasy prospect of a smile without a face (think the "Cheshire Cat"), even he may well have quailed at the inter-species egg exchange--especially including the use of snake ova! So take your tykes to ANGRY BIRDS 2 for a good fright straight out of Classic Children's Literature!
Trip to Mars (1924)
When viewers compare this brief cartoon . . .
. . . to "Johnnie Damon's" live-action feature, THE MARTIAN, they will find several obvious differences, as well as a few that are more subtle in nature. For starters, THE MARTIAN is about 20 times longer than TRIP TO MARS. This allows THE MARTIAN to spend more time on character development than do the TRIP TO MARS animators. However, the plots of both of these film treatments of the so-called "Red Planet" are surprisingly similar. Mr. Damon unexpectedly gets Left Behind by his crew mates on Mars (probably because he is such a forgettable character). "Max" unexpectedly joins his ink well colleague in orbit around the fourth rock from the Sun, due to some well-placed TNT. Inept clowns pervade both of these films. However, those of Irish extraction probably will prefer the earlier movie--TRIP TO MARS--because THE MARTIAN would likely remind them too much of the infamous "Potato Famine" their ancestors experienced on the not-so Emerald Isle. (Another thing working in favor of TRIP TO MARS is the fact that "Koko" is so much more relatable to as a person than Johnnie; the only time my family saw the latter little dude in person, he was strutting--as if he owned the place--like a wee little peacock near the New York Yankee's visitor dugout prior to one of the 2006 ALDS contests against the Tigers--any sports reference site will indicate what a curse he turned out to be!)
The Paneless Window Washer (1937)
Nowadays no one seems to know what a "stenographer" did during Yesteryear . . .
. . . much less a "public" one. But, since THE PANELESS WINDOW WASHER takes place almost entirely around "Olive's" 20th-story "public stenographer" office, viewers must search this brief cartoon for clues as to what a "stenographer" actually was. Uncharacteristically, Olive is first seen here wearing over-sized spectacles, which make her look like a really skinny hoot owl. This is a dead giveaway that "stenography" must have something to do with bird-watching. Reading between the lines, then, when a member of the public wants to know what kind of a bird is on their feeder, they make a collect call to Olive (or a rival stenographer), who rakes in a fee when she pops out the binocular lens of her strange-looking eyewear, scans the caller's yard, and names that bird. The most common incoming phone call most people receive even today is tagged by Caller ID as "swan likely," as the Modern Telecommunications Industry pays homage to the Olden Days public stenographers such as Olive. This, of course, does not answer the tangential (or, in this case, scarlet tanager) question of WHY "Bluto" calls his business--which is located at street level below Olive's window perch--THE PANELESS WINDOW WASHER. If a window has no pane, then there's absolutely nothing there to wash!
The Spinach Roadster (1936)
The main purpose of this brief cartoon . . .
. . . seems to be getting out an alert to the nation about America's upcoming Scooter Scourge. As THE SPINACH ROADSTER concludes, one of U.S. History's most notorious bad guys--"Bluto"--is headed toward the city on his scooter. Does this imply that THE SPINACH ROADSTER teaches us that only rascals, miscreants, and psychopaths tool around on scooters? Possibly. Consider these post-Bluto developments: A)Innocent pedestrians are dying on formerly serene sidewalks all across the USA as thoughtless scooter drivers plow into them at speeds up to 30 MPH (often knocking them into the path of oncoming cement trucks), B)The "anarchy business model" of the nefarious scooter rental corporations allow mentally deficient motorized terror partakers to clog municipal walkways with their cast off (that is, time's expired) booby traps, causing thousands of blind pedestrians to trip, and C)No one can play "Pokémon Go" with a sense of security and placid peace anymore, as contestants are distracted by the murderous scooter onslaught. To see a harbinger of how this craze started, why not watch THE SPINACH ROADSTER?
Vim, Vigor and Vitaliky (1936)
There should NEVER be the possibility of females shrieking . . .
. . . "It's a MAN!!" in our modern 21st Century. However, during the misguided 1900s, a wide-spread practice of unnecessary sexual segregation made such outraged exclamations commonplace, as VIM, VIGOR AND VITALIKY faithfully documents. In any enlightened society of Today, informed citizens can wake up each morning with a blank slate, free to decide with which sex (if any) to identify, as well as being at total Liberty to select a comfortable orientation and mode of dress to fit their mood of the moment. Furthermore, if a vive of a different color strikes them by lunch time, they can enter whichever Rest Room, Locker Facility, or Changing Space they deem appropriate, and switch sides in the middle of the stream, so to speak. VIM, VIGOR AND VITALIKY portrays the inflexible mores of the Bad Old Days, when babies, tykes, and toddlers were assigned colors, toys, and mannerisms from the earliest age, and ordered to play for one particular "team" for the rest of the lives! Therefore, it is quite rewarding to review VIM, VIGOR AND VITALIKY from time to time, just to understand how far Humanity has Progressed since the benighted era in which it was produced.
Feline Follies (1919)
Most folks will be rightly amazed at the climax of this tale . . .
. . . when a single cat litter is pictured including at least 17 kittens who enjoyed live births. Many will wonder, "Exactly how much of a stretch is FELINE FOLLIES, in biological terms?" Certainly, when FELINE FOLLIES was released in 1919, nothing came close to the finale's over-abundance of cats in Real Life. It was not until August 7, 1970, that a pussycat who wishes to remain anonymous residing in the home of "V. Gane" in Kingham, Oxfordshire, England churned out a litter of 19, four of whom were stillborn. Presumably it was the trauma of this lost quartet--which prevented the Unknown Cat from topping the star of FELINE FOLLIES--which persuaded the bereft mom to eschew the spotlight of publicity.
Of a "well chosen" cast of commentators, experts, talking heads . . . "
. . . cartoon industry insiders, film historians, critics, voice-over actors, comic strip fans, Sunday paper artists, NYPD-Blue television stars, iconic children (or is it, kids of icons?), only ONE of 26 is named by ANY previous reviewer. None are listed under the "Complete Cast" heading. The alphabet soup (in order of appearance) contained within I YAM WHAT I YAM: THE STORY OF POPEYE THE SAILOR are: A)Jules Feiffer, B)Frank Caruso, C)Jerry Beck, D)Mark Johnson, E)Patrick McDonnell, F)Steve Stanchfield, G)Glenn Mitchell, H)Tom Hatton, I)Lou Fleischer (archival sound footage), J)Mark Kausler, K)Mark Evanier, L)Michael Uslan, M)Eric Goldberg, N)Sam Viviano, O)Billy West, P)Jack Mercer (archival footage), Q)Zasu Pitts (clip), R)Daniel Goldmark, S)Patricia Timberg (Sammy's daughter), T)Leonard Maltin (he's everywhere), U)Frank Gladstone, V)Adam Snyder, W)Dennis Franz (aka, "Sgt. Sipowicz"), X)Paul Dooley, Y)Stephen Destefano, and Z)Mort Walker (pops to "Beetle Bailey").
I Wanna Be a Life Guard (1936)
It's said that the most wickedly wanton wenches . . .
. . . are prone to resemble a set of Allen Wrenches, and the "Olive" of I WANNA BE A LIFE GUARD certainly seems to fill this bill. No swimsuit possibly could survive intact after "Miss Pipe Cleaner of 1936" belly-flops from a high dive into a public pool. Any dame of substance would emerge from such a debacle with her "public area" missing an "ell," baring the remaining five letters for the whole wide world to see. Even without the depiction of these inevitably gaping gawkers, I WANNA BE A LIFE GUARD's Olive resembles those water-walking insects so much that calling her a "woman" constitutes substance abuse. With "assets" that can be charitably described as "insubstantial," Olive probably doesn't qualify to be a victim of a rapacious assault--statutory, or otherwise. Though the average romantic discharge is said to include a fleet of up to 100 million attacking tadpoles, I WANNA BE A LIFE GUARD's Miss O. seems hard-pressed to attract a geyser of more than a couple stray geezer seaman. With odds like that, who needs Sweet Peas?
Let's Get Movin' (1936)
Though that British copycat concern, "Two Blokes . . . "
" . . . and a Lorry" went belly-up a while back, the LET'S GET MOVIN' variation on this theme--Two Highballs and an Olive--is very similar to that Modern American Institution, "Got Junk?" All an increasingly giddy Miss O. need do is to point to an item in her clinking, clanking, clattering collection of caliginous carp and it quickly disappears: out her high-rise flat's window! Whether it's incongruous wooden barrels, a grand piano, or a cast iron stove, Olive's racket of Grand Theft Larceny is aided and abetted by pent-up seamen yearning to be free. A gleeful Olive brazenly telegraphs her foul, dastardly intentions by warbling "I haven't told the landlord, but I'm moving today!" as she Trumps and rips off her tenement master lock, stock, and two smoking barrels. Though LET'S GET MOVIN' doesn't have time to show Olive filching "her" kitchen sink, perceptive viewers will rest assured that this wicked wiry wench wrestles it away, too!
I-Ski Love-Ski You-Ski (1936)
No one brings to mind yodeling, Alpine rope climbing, and fun in the Nordic snow . . .
. . . more often than "Popeye," his nemesis "Bluto," and the Daddy Long Legs spider woman in the middle, "Olive." I-SKI LOVE-SKI YOU-SKI should get most viewers yearning to strap on a pair, with its downhill climax through a frigid chasm. Speaking of Olive, she also shimmies up monoliths with the best of them, making fine use of her protractor lower limbs. Choosing her paramour of the day on the "Eenie Meanie Minie Moe" Principle, this oily dame might as well be parading around wearing a sandwich board pleading "Please kidnap me!" Though she avoids having her rear end encased in ice here (as is the eventuality in some of her other outings, which smacks of redundancy), Olive's fate as I-SKI LOVE-SKI YOU-SKI closes seems glacial enough to incite the polar bear element in her crowd. "Jim Bond" (aka, Agent 4 plus 3) may have tried to ape the Sailor Man's skinny slat exploits a time or two, but this animated short proves that when it comes to plying the peaks, nobody does it better than Popeye!
What -- No Spinach? (1936)
America's "Great Depression" proved the nefarious nature . . .
. . . of the USA's corporate miser model, and WHAT--NO SPINACH? goes a long way toward exposing the moral bankruptcy of Communist Fat Cat Capitalism. As always, "Bluto" represents the leeches of America's counter-productive crass Plutocrat Class. Adjusting for inflation, Bluto's Greasy Spoon has a sign in its front window stating "Ham Sandwich, $10--with ham, $15: Bread, $5 extra." This sort of devious price gouging might be enough to bamboozle the weak-minded occupants of the so-called "Red States," but it's seldom allowed to persist among those bred and reared in the True Blue Loyal Patriotic Progressive Union Label sectors of America. WHAT--NO SPINACH? teaches Americans to stand up for their rights, and join "Popeye" in refusing to pay for inferior food, products, or service. Just as Bluto winds up incarcerated by wooden stocks at the close of WHAT--NO SPINACH? America's would-be corporate "masters" MUST be stripped of ALL their (by definition) ill-gotten assets, and sent to exorcist reeducation camps for the 30 years required excise the demonic monetary possession of their souls.
Bridge Ahoy! (1936)
"We'll build a bridge, and let people cross . . . "
" . . . for nothing," heroic Great Depression Era People's Champion "Popeye" threatens greedy Fat Cat One Per Center ferry monopolist "Bluto" (which rhymes with the first two syllables of "plutocrat") about 2:30 into BRIDGE AHOY! Unfortunately for America, scurrilous copperhead politicians have employed bogus social agenda "wedge issues" to make the weak-minded occupants of the so-called "Red States" forget the lessons of BRIDGE AHOY! as they now find themselves saddled with exorbitant "tolls" any time they need to get from Point A to Point B. As BRIDGE AHOY! preaches, such fees are UnAmerican, and downright Red Communist, as they tend to reserve the roads and bridges built with the blood, sweat and TAX DOLLARS of We 99 Per Center Working Stiffs for the exclusive use of the One Per Center Plutocrats and their hulking, road-hog vehicles. America MUST take BRIDGE AHOY! to heart ASAP, and do away with all highway tolls and bridge "fares."
Tangled Ever After (2012)
After so much tragedy in the horse world . . .
. . . it's kind of refreshing to get some comic relief from this quarter, even if TANGLED EVER AFTER runs for well under seven minutes. This Spring, of course, California's Santa Anita Race Track made international headlines as their four-month equine death toll reached a 21-nag salute. The size of this facility's ghost herd in the sky has continued to swell since then, with reports from OTHER states (think New York, Maryland, and Kentucky) on their own staggering records for equestrian demise roll in like a Red Tide, causing Misty to shed a few tears even before her old barn on Chincoteague went up in smoke this year. That, of course, echoes key bits of TANGLED EVER AFTER, many of which suggest Impending Doom (including a dark, viscous, pitch-like tidal wave chasing the stallion through narrow village streets, with this troubled trotter later landing in a "tar factory," which seems to be just one tiny canter removed from the Glue rendering facility). While a few lucky steeds such as "Trigger" may get stuffed and mounted in museums, Asia's gluttonous appetite for steak chow mane results in thousands of noble American wild mustangs being butchered annually in chop shops. So enjoy the horsey humor of TANGLED EVER AFTER--and then donate to your local branch of SOME (Save Our Mr. Ed's).
Invisible Ink (1921)
Clowns always have been pretty creepy . . .
. . . at least from the time of "J.W. 'Duke' Gacy" through the many lives of IT. INVISIBLE INK is an early example of Clown Horror. A black-garbed bozo creates havoc in an artist's life, and refuses to be erased! (This is not unlike cooking up a bean casserole, and later on finding it defiantly balking at being flushed down the toilet!) The accommodating cartoonist bends over backwards to be nice to the clown, even drawing it an exit door (while thoughtfully writing in an "Exit" sign above this portal of egress). Just so the devious imp cannot miss his message, the draughtsman adds another imperative touch, penning a "This means you!" hint to see off his fiendish joker. However, after the crazy clown makes use of this convenient doorway, he immediately scratches and claws his way back into his Creator's ken, ripping and tearing through the expensive sketch parchment to further harass his Master. INVISIBLE INK concludes with a note of terror, as this insidious jokester swims around inside a bottle of the title fluid until he disappears. It's anyone's guess as to exactly WHEN and WHERE this demonic prankster will make his return!
This documentary exposes the extreme lack of "saints' days" . . .
. . . within the World's most notorious cult of sexual perversion. This deplorable sect burned alive at least EIGHT MILLION innocent guys, dolls, and kiddies during its heyday, HAXAN illustrates. Though there are "saints' days" dedicated to a handful of Rich or Famous Mansion Family post roasts (such as "Saint Joan d'Arc), most of them currently languish in a Limbo of anonymity. IF there were 400 days in a year, it would require the names of TWENTY THIOUSAND of this cult's crispy critters to be attached to EACH AND EVERY DAY! Even if these monikers were as succinct as "Jane Doe" and "Polly Poe," a speed talker would have to pray continuously for 21 hours EVERY DAY to say each murdered martyr's name just once! Since the typical defamed name has eight syllables (mostly foreign), NO mortal man can name even half the saints in his lifetime! HAXAN reminds viewers that this nefarious "Inquisitors" Death Cult still threatens our Civilization Today! The Chief of the Red Commie KGB in the Kremlin has finagled a majority of practicing cult adherents onto the once-respected SCOTUS, likely dooming America!!
People may not realize that as of Yesterday (7-27-19) this is the most controversial page on the internets . . .
. . . but this fact is actually True. After receiving a paltry five (as in, just 5!) user reviews in the initial two decades this site has existed, TOM TURKEY AND HIS HARMONICA HUMDINGERS suddenly received THREE (as in 3!) reviews on the same day! However, I am one of the few people in the world actually aware of this fact, because the internet censors quashed, deleted, suppressed, vandalized, skewered, deep-6'ed, omitted, attacked, guillotined, executed, belayed, and otherwise hid from the Universe the most insightful, pithy, succinct, witty, entertaining, spot-on, illumining, and possessing of redeeming social value among this triptych (written by a contributor within my on-line circle) in a blatantly obscene, callous, Communist, wrong-headed Saturday Night Massacre. Merely to insure that THIS summary will be posted, we had to research the other reviews ALLOWED in this spot to determine the minimum rating number that can be coupled with a passable comment. (Every item on this site has such a threshold, as ordered by its Corrupt Corporate Communist releasing company). In this case, it turns out to be "six" (as in 6 of 10). In my scant remaining space, here are a few of the words from my colleague's review which MAY not be subject to the general muzzle criteria: "As . . . as . . . the . . . of the . . . the . . . with . . . such as . . . just a . . . after its . . . the . . . an."
Affair in Trinidad (1952)
The basic premise of this flick, involving a foreign plot to wipe out . . .
. . . our American Homeland via missile strikes master-minded by the surviving sore losers of the Third Reich, gets lost in the clicking of castanets. AFFAIR IN TRINIDAD might as well be called "My Husband-the-Painter-Is-Dead, but Who Cares--His Brother Is Hotter, and He's Straight!" However, since many movie theaters of this era lacked the sort of marquee that could accommodate such an accurate spot-on title, studio honchos settled instead upon the banal AFFAIR IN TRINIDAD heading. A late-night movie host notes that this show was such a big flop, its top two "stars" walked out midway through its premier to spend the rest of their night getting drunk at a two-bit bar. This drinking orgy may well have made a far more entertaining tale than what audiences can gather from AFFAIR IN TRINIDAD. Though TRINIDAD's plot contains most of the elements of NOTORIOUS, Ford is no Grant (let alone a Lincoln), and Hayworth would be lucky to polish Bergman's GASLIGHT. With a climax dependent upon a silly scarf and a stray accidental bullet, TRINIDAD could have been typed up by the chimps rejected from the million monkeys who set out to author a Shakespeare play through the use of random key strokes.
Heavenly Music (1943)
Is it really "kosher" for "Angels" to be kissing in "Heaven" . . .
. . . or is HEAVENLY MUSIC simply one more ploy for the Super Rich People to Lord it over the rest of us? Though "Joy" doesn't "go all the way" with newbie "Ted" during the part of this tale covered in HEAVENLY MUSIC, it's surely implied that she MIGHT, given all the foreplay presented here on screen. As soon as she sets eyes on new arrival Ted, Joy gets all "hot and bothered" about him. It's demonstrated that this "saintly" duo generate at lot of "chemistry," but could sulfur be the key element involved in their attraction? IF marriages can take place in Heaven, as some American Cultists claim, then certainly divorce MAY follow, as surely as the Almighty made "little green apples." In the inevitable eventuality of such a post-mortem split, making it official might not be as simple as hopping on the bus to Reno. Furthermore, divvying up "community property" could turn into somewhat of a nightmare. Perhaps Heaven lacks a no-fault divorce statute, which raises the possibility of a cheated-upon outraged spouse's Private Eyes lurking behind Cloud Nine and pretty much every other fluff ball waiting to whip out their trusty Polaroids. HEAVENLY MUSIC certainly sounds a lot of notes, but most of them are sour.
The Robber Kitten (1935)
I did not believe it at first . . .
. . . but the producer of this animated short and thousands of other misbegotten tidbits of nefarious balderdash has forked over a hefty stipend to get the mercenary miscreants who "curate" this so-called "user review" forum to censor, steal, and delete any material considered less than glorifying by the bots in charge. A colleague of mine demonstrated how this insidious attack against America's hallowed First Amendment (or the alleged "Freedom of Speech") works in the context of THE ROBBER KITTEN. He showed me that IF a hard-working user shares with the world that THE ROBBER KITTEN is anything but an entirely "nice" kitty, said comment ends up in the dust bin of history. Being a staunch supporter of Our First Amendment Rights myself, I labored with my colleague to print 142,750 copies of his suppressed treatment of THE ROBBER KITTEN. Me and my Golden State Energy Skateboard Squad will be passing these out during the month of July, 2019, along the Venice Beach bike and jogging paths. (Look for us in the blue & orange T-shirts!) This is a really "spot on" user review, but it's only available while supplies last!
Let's Celebrake (1938)
Most everyone is familiar with the term "cradle robber" . . .
. . . but in Real Life, incidents of "granny grabbing" occur with AT LEAST equal frequency. Though there's no known connection as of this writing, LET'S CELEBRAKE was programmed the very morning after the heinous "Tenuta's Market" assault, robbery, and car-jacking, in which an 81-year-old granny was man-handled, stripped of her governmental pittance, and had her wheels stolen by a thoughtless young thug. Similarly, LET'S CELEBRAKE shines the harsh spotlight of the media upon a serial rabble rouser named "Popeye," who jerks an elderly, infirm grand parent from the comfort of her hearth into the teeth of a wintry blizzard without so much as packing an extra adult diaper bag. Worse yet, this reprobate seaman plies granny with some sort of fast-acting leafy drug and proceeds to put every fragile, osteoporosis-prone bone in her creaky body at grave risk in order to stroke his own ego by exhibiting her like some sort of geriatric trained seal in a midnight "dance contest." In a nation infamous for its elder abuse, LET'S CELEBRAKE seems to throw gasoline on Granny's funeral pyre.