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IMDB really needs to add a zero rating.
What do you get when you have:
A no talent director
A no talent screenplay
A No talent cast
Poor creature SFX
And (hopefully because I cannot believe anyone would be in this kind of crap without the aid of liquor and cannabis) a crapload of drugs and booze?
This utterly worthless piece of crap. It's not one of those "Oh it's so bad it's fun", it's one of those "It's so bad it should be buried in a landfill or fired off into the sun."
You've been warned.
A 4 for the silly original, a 10 for rifftrax.
What could possibly be wrong with taking the head of a serial killer and grafting it onto the body of a super strong imbecile? Why EVERYTHING of course. That's part of mad scientist 101. Bruce Dern stars in yet another mad role - a Rick scientist obsessed with some reason with putting a second head on other beings. While this takes a serious bent for really stupid subject matter, it's not nearly as fun as the The Thing With Two Heads released a year later (the title of Incredible is a stupid one since transplant means replacing one organ or limb with another). Really the only way to watch this is the rifftrax version.
Feeders 2: Slay Bells (1998)
1 for the original, 10 for rifftrax.
Holy... They made this one even cheaper than the first! I'm not kidding here. This time the barely mobile aliens look like papier mache over lightbulbs! The acting is just as bad, the story just as lame. Worst part: there are flashbacks from feeders! Thanks to Mike, Kevin and Bill this is watchable. Still utterly horrible, but still funny as hell thanks to rifftrax.
The 1 is for the UNRIFFED version.
How did I ever miss this when it (if it did) came out on Video? I used to haunt every video store within miles for movies, I would surely have fast forwarded through this! What an utter waste of video! Horrible childish SFX, worse acting and just a terrible story. In truth, if I had rented this, I'd have fast forwarded through it in about five minutes. The Riffing by Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett make this crapfest hysterical! Best line: Character says, There's a camp site eighteen miles down the road. Mike: I hope it's camp crystal lake!
But our hopes were dashed.
Lost Continent (1951)
1* for the original, 10* for the MST3K version
I've watched this before MST3K latched on and it is brutal. I wondered for years if someone actually read this script and said, "Hey, 50 pages of rock climbing! That will lock people in their seats!" Just a really dull, horrible film.
Then MST3K got ahold of it. It's still brutal, but now it's brutally funny. The crew really gives it no mercy. Jones of every kind tear this movie apart. Really, the absolute only way to watch this: the MST3K version. If you do the original... Well, you've been warned.
Game of Thrones (2011)
A final review
Originally, after the thrilling season 1, I was going to edit my review after every season, but I decided to wait until the disappointing and rushed ending. Overall, it was a decent show, but like the books it's based on, which got thicker and needed more editing as they went on, this show got shorter and more rushed. I'd put the blame for this on HBO and George Martin, who spent so much time f---ing off, writing things that didn't help finish his tale, that the writers were caught with their pants down. The first five seasons were the best, the sixth was decent, the last two rushed. There was a lot of logic lost, but if you watch and read the books, there wasn't a lot of logic there. In the books Dani sits in a fire and births the dragons, yet later, she gets burned. Ignoring this for the series was a good idea. But the magic is inconsistent, as is the action. In one episode a dragon is killed by ballista, leaving one. In the next, one dragon lays waste to Kings Landing with nary a scratch on it or Danyers. So overall, this was a decent, but not great series. There are only a few episodes I'd rewatch and most of them revolve around Arya.
The Witcher (2019)
Let it have it's own identity!
Those who've given this bad reviews are constantly claiming it's trying to be Game of Thrones. It's not. It is a dark fantasy, but the magic is consistent as is, for the first season, the storytelling. It's its own world and it's a good one. I never knew about the Witcher until I saw the trailers and then buzzed through the season. Not a bad performance and Yennefer and Geralt are the primary characters. Henry Cavil shows his acting chops and the rest of the cast is really well done. There is one dragon, and it's nothing like the beasts from GOT. This dragon is more like a cousin of Smaug, and the more classical dragons. Well worth watching.
A fine ending for the beginning.
Ignore the haters.
Ignore rotten tomatoes.
Even ignore a lot on IMDb.
Think for yourself.
This is a great ending to this series. The cat is excellent, as is the story. There are even a few twists that no one saw coming. The ending is very satisfying.
L'uomo puma (1980)
MST3K is the ONLY way to watch this trash!
One of the worst movies ever made, along with one of the worst Superheroes ever, the worst mentor ever and the worst villain ever. I'm pretty sure Donald Pleasance did this over a weekend when he had nothing better to do. An utter crapfest from beginning to end. The hero is a wimp, even when he's using his superpowers (I was unaware that Puma's could fly) and his mentor speaks more mumbo jumbo than a con artist carny. HOWEVER, if one watches it with the MST3K crew - it's really funny. Hysterical in parts. Without them? PASS!
Harley Quinn (2019)
DC Animated KNOCKS IT OUT OF THE PARK!
I was never the biggest Harley Quinn fan, but this show has converted me. From the voices, Kaley Cuoco and Lake Bell to name two, to the dialogue, to the hysterics - this is one of the greatest cartoons I've ever seen. Perhaps DC Animated should be running DC/Time Warners film division! This is just superb. Bravo to DC Animated!
OK, Hamlet is my favorite of the Bard's tragedies. It's among the darkest of his works. What I'm saying here is that, even in it's original form, it's not exactly a laugh fest. Leave it to the Germans, with a young Maximillian Von Schell to make it EVEN DARKER AND MORE DREARY. I'm not kidding here. I wouldn't advice showing this version (unless its the MST3K version, and perhaps I'd think twice even then) to anyone suffering from... anything. I can't even imagine watching this one without Mike and the Bots. Even with them, the darkness of this particular version still shines through!
ADD A ZERO RATING!
How did anyone, anywhere on this entire planet find this piece of unfunny, badly directed, terribly acted - and I won't even mention the Gator Unspecial Effect, think this needed to be made? Just terrible from beginning to end! And when I read the "Directors" credits, he also did The Rollerblade Seven (which I ridiculously rented from a Mom and Pop years ago, and have regretted it ever since!). From the 'talking' Gators horribly annoying voice, to the non-emoting of PJ (who has only two credits on IMDb) to the rest of the non-able to act cast, this is just one horrible film. The absolute ONLY way to watch this: Rifftrax, which at least makes it funny.
IMDB made a mistake in the episode guide!
What is this mistake you wonder? What they have as Season one should actually be an entire separate entry for MST3K, perhaps as MST3K-KTMA, when it was only a local show. Most of these episodes have not been remade by the show when it went national on Comedy Central. So this season, considered as Season 2, it considered by fans to be Season One on Cable. I'm hoping someone at IMDB will read this and correct this problem. The Crawling eye is actually one of my favorite low budget monster movies. It is however, ripe for ripping on! And the boys (who did this on KTMA as well) do a great job!
Francis Coleman makes me...
... Stop asking "How did this movie get made?" Because I've watched so many crapfests in my life, such as this trash - that I've simply stopped asking that question. Francis Coleman is one of the most inept film makers ever. No plot, bad acting, bad stories - his movies (three of which were destroyed by the MST3K crew) are tailor made for MST3K. There can't be any spoilers in this message simply because THERE IS NOTHING TO SPOIL. How can one spoil a plotless film? Needless to say, this is hysterical. I won't even spoil anything by giving away any of the jokes. Although I will say the opening sketch was pretty lame.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988)
People who deride this show just don't get it. These aren't classics, they're crap! For the most, these are horrible, badly produced, directed, written and acted trash! Who hasn't sat watching a terrible movie and talked at it. Well the crew of the SOL does it beautifully and more, hysterically! I'll admit this, J. Elvis Weinstein may have been a great writer for the show, but he was terrible as a mad. That psuedo curly voice was just annoying and he had no life or delivery as Tom servo. Kevin Murphy was 1000 times better and really brought life to the character. As for Joel or Mike... I'll leave you guessing.
Unwatchable except as an MST3K episode!
First, IMDb made a mistake, and so did some reviewers. This is season 4 of the comedy Central run, not season 5. Season 1 as listed is from the KMTA run. Having said that, this 'movie' with Joel and the Bots, is unwatchable. It is beyond bad. It is sub-bad. This drek, which has exactly 3 locations and a lot of footage of driving, makes the Francis Coleman trio look like academy award winning films. The directing, writing, acting are all non existent! If this movie were admitted as a student film, the student would be expelled! Crows exclamation of "A crew? I can't believe they had one!" Is hysterical and true. I don't believe it either!
Pressure Point (1997)
With Rifftrax an 8, without them a negative 8!
What an insipid piece of trash. To paraphrase Dean Wormer from Animal House, this movie is slow, stupid and lame! Terrible acting (Larry Linville looks like he's about to die any moment, not a crack, the truth), the 'lead' a balding dumb looking guy is the slowest 'hero' I've ever seen. My absolute favorite scene, which had me nearly crying with laughter: Our 'Hero' is in a house when he notices six sticks of dynamite in a microwave. When he notices it, the counter is at 10, when he finally starts to run, it's at THREE! He gets out the window and the entire house explodes. I forgot to mention that his snowmobile hits a rock earlier in the movie and it to blows up. Anyhow there's some kind of plot about him being framed, escaping and stopping some white radicals from blowing up congress. It's a really lame movie but the Rifftrax guys make it watchable. DO NOT WATCH THIS STRAIGHT UP! You'll thank yourself.
39 fine episodes and then the final is a ruin.
In a rare occurrence, I liked this show better than the somewhat disjointed book. The problem here is: What were the writers thinking? What was Amazon thinking? The final season needed another episode. This non-ending was trash. It ruined a great series. Why are these people coming here? Which world are they coming from? Everyone involved in this owes the fans a huge apology. This ties Game of Thrones as worst finale ever. And I'm including the finale to Star Trek: Enterprise here. Just a horrendous showing. Horrible. Thanks for helping the fans waste 4 years.
The Man in the High Castle (2015)
A great series done in by a lame ending.
What was Frank Spotnitz thinking? The show was excellent through 3 seasons and 9 episodes. Perhaps if the finale was two hours long it might have been more coherent? The last time I was this disappointed in a finale was The American's. All this build-up and a totally incomprehensible, illogical ending. They should have simply blown up the portal, or an American army should have come through. Even having those on the other side sending a nuclear weapon through would have been better. Very, very disappointing.
Teenagers from Outer Space (1959)
That 3 is for the original...
... It's a ten for the MST3K version. Poor effects, a murdered dog and humans (using the kind of skeletons every high school has), lobsters as monsters, a buck Rogers Ray gun (probably worth a fortune today) and, yes, as bad as it is - it's still better than nearly anything on the Syfy channel, especially since they cancelled the expanse. Worth a laugh, but if you watch the MST3K version - a lot of laughs.
King Dinosaur (1955)
Another Bert I. Gordon Suckterpiece
Many have a soft spot for the works of Mr. BIG. I'm not one of them. There are indeed, many low budget, well done films. Those however, are done by people with talent who can hide the flaws. Bert isn't one of these either. While I will admit that The Amazing Colossal Man and it's sequel are watchable, can even with the terrible effects and obvious mattes, most of them, like this with it's iguana cum dinosaur, aren't. Made for what seems about 15 bucks, the laughable story (which rips off an element from when world's collide) and unspecial effects (Gordon walked out on Ray Harryhausen and Ray Bradbury and their superior dinosaur footage, later Bradbury met, Bert asked if he remembered him and, correctly predicted this movie would bomb. Ray was right.) As well as pathetic acting make it unwatchable, be unless it's the MST3K version.
An insult to the comic
Halfway through this worthless trash, I've given up. I'm still trying to find the connection with the great graphic novel (this is not a sequel to the movie). Other than a few names being dropped - there's none. This is diatribe written by SJW, trying to cram their agenda down the viewers throats. It's dull most of the time and wasting a fine cast. I've given up on it and won't be watching anymore. Trash.
Another remake BOMB.
I don't know where the Soska sisters get their rep. Are people afraid, in this day and age to be honest in criticism of them because they're women? Their first movie American Mary was overrated, but way better than this trash pile of a movie. Overlong, boring and with some horrible acting - where did they get that doctor? If it were the real world, I'd say Nazis are us, he's so obviously a tool. The movie meanders about at a leisurely pace as if the editor or the directors were taking the day off. If one has the guts to remake a DAVID CRONENBURG, the master of body horror, film they have to go way better than this. Perhaps one day, studios and backers will say no to remakes, which are basically lazy films, hopefully that day is soon.
The Dead Don't Die (2019)
One of the worst movies ever made.
Before this er, "movie", I'd never heard ofb Jim Jarmusch. After watching this pathetic attempt at... I don't know what it was supposed to be. Satire? Comedy? Whatever. This "zombie" movie, with it's breaks the 4th wall wastes of time, and a cast that seems to be sleepwalking through their roles is dull and lifeless to the point where it makes Burial Ground, one of the worst of the Italian zombie films of the 80's, look action packed. I really think IMDb needs to add a zero rating. If they do, I have at least 50 movies that need to be re-rated, starting with this!
Future Force (1989)
8 - only for the Rifftrax Version
The only way to watch this lame film, is to watch the Rifftrax version. The guys start out low with "A closet full of Jokes" and "How did they rope him - David Carradine - into this" and stay down there. Just a hysterical jaunt through a terrible movie.