Patrick Brewer: [as David walks through the Apothecary door with a large box] Have you been going to the gym cause that looked effortless.
David Rose: It's just an awkwardly shaped box, BS I haven't thank you for noticing.
Patrick Brewer: What's this?
David Rose: This is just a box of dog sweaters that Alexis asked me to drop off at Ted for this pet adoption thing for Singles Week.
Patrick Brewer: What's it doing here?
David Rose: I'm just wondering what your day is looking like?
Patrick Brewer: I'm not dropping the box off for you!
David Rose: But it would save me so much distress!
Patrick Brewer: Oh, are you in distress?
David Rose: Yes! The situation with Ted and Alexis right now is very awkward and cringy. Alexis told him she loved him!
Patrick Brewer: Wow, good for her. It's not easy putting yourself out there.
David Rose: And so I thought it would be less awkward for all of us especially since Ted knows, that I know, that he knows if maybe you took the box?
Patrick Brewer: I'm not dropping off the box, David. I still have to unbox all of these products you bought for Singles Week.
David Rose: Okay, I guess I'll have to take the box then.
Patrick Brewer: David! Listen to me. What you're doing is very brave and very generous and I don't want to add more stress to your day but I love you!
David Rose: Okay, so you just said that to me knowing that it would add more stress to my day. Because you know that I've never said that to anybody other than my parents twice in one night at...
Patrick Brewer: At a Mariah Carey concert! I know! And I don't expect you to say it back to me. You can say it when you're ready. It just seemed right to me at the moment. You're my Mariah Carey!
David Rose: That compliment could move me to tears. But I'm not going to let it so I would like to thank you for saying all of those nice things to me.
Patrick Brewer: Can you get me a cup of tea?
David Rose: I can get you a cup of tea. Can you just not look at me while I'm taking this box out of the room because I don't want you to regret all of the nice things you said to me. Please just look away.
Patrick Brewer: That went well.
Patrick Brewer: [Talking to an Apothecary customer] There you go! Have fun this week.
[David walks into the store Patrick is walking out from behind the cash counter]
Patrick Brewer: I've got a hand it to you, David. We've sold half of our massage oil. It's like you're an oracle to the lives of lonely people.
David Rose: It's a gift.
Patrick Brewer: How did it go with Ted?
David Rose: [David wraps his arms around Patrick's neck and plants a kiss on him. Patrick's hands drop on David's hips and pulls him in close to him] I love you!
Patrick Brewer: I know I'll never be able to compete with Mariah. This just seems like one of those moments that you dream about except in my dream I'm holding a nice cup of tea!
David Rose: Oh FUCK!
Patrick Brewer: I'm kidding! I don't need the tea.
David Rose: No, I'm going to make this perfect moment perfect!
Ted Mullens: [as he sits in front of Alexis] Hi, my name is Ted, I'm newly single, and I'd be crazy to not tell you that I've been wanting to do this every single day for the past 2 years.
[Ted grabs Alexis by her hand and helps her to get up. He plants a long and passionate kiss on Alexis's lips and the other singles start playing musical chairs while Ted and Alexis are still kissing]
David Rose: Anyway so you've been burned a couple times um have we met I've been burned so many times I'm like the human equivalent of the inside of a roasted marshmallow. But I think it's important for us to remember that sometimes, sometimes it does work out and even though everything inside us is telling us to protect ourselves when you got it don't let it go and I'm telling you that you've got it if you want it.