Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Don't worry. I believe in rules and traditions and playing our part. But there is something else.
Lady Mary Crawley: And what is that, pray?
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I believe in love. I mean, brilliant careers, rich lives, are seldom led without just an element of love.
Lady Mary Crawley: Oh, Granny. You do surprise me.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Oh, I am glad. So climbing all those stairs wasn't wasted.
Mrs. Hughes: You're such an old curmudgeon.
Mr. Carson: Don't say you're going off me.
Mrs. Hughes: No. Because you're MY curmudgeon and that makes all the difference.
[talking about Thomas who has tried to commit suicide by slitting his wrists]
Baxter: I hope he won't mind if we undress him.
Mrs. Hughes: He's past minding if we put him in a shy and threw coconuts.
Robert Crawley, Earl of Gratham: [to Edith as she enters the room] Did you get hold of him?
Lady Edith Crawley: Yes, he's coming down tomorrow on the first leg of his trip to Tangiers. I've asked him here.
Tom Branson: How is he?
Lady Edith Crawley: [sighing] Sad, he loved his cousin. And it was all so quick. The trouble is, they've already buried him, and Bertie's not quite sure what to do.
Isobel Crawley: Well, that's ordinary in hot countries, it won't mean any disrespect.
Lady Edith Crawley: No, but should they leave him there?
Lady Mary Crawley: Surely the decision is down to the new marquess, not to Bertie.
Lady Edith Crawley: [hesitantly] Well, that's the thing. He is the new marquess... Bertie.
Robert Crawley, Earl of Gratham: [Mary looks dumbfounded] Bertie Pelham is now the Marquess of Hexham?
Lady Edith Crawley: Yes.
Lady Mary Crawley: Nonsense, he's having you on. He'd have told you if he was the heir.
Lady Edith Crawley: He did tell me, but his cousin was in his thirties, and they all knew the girl he was going to marry.
Lady Mary Crawley: But that's absurd. If Bertie's a marquess, then Edith...
Robert Crawley, Earl of Gratham: [interrupting joyfully] Edith would outrank us all, yes, that's right!
Cora Crawley, Countess of Grantham: [Everyone smiles, thrilled with the news] Was he a close relation?
Lady Edith Crawley: Second cousin, once removed. Nobody thought it was possible he would ever inherit, least of all Bertie.
Isobel Crawley: Well, he seemed like a nice young man to me.
Lady Rosamund Painswick: [beaming] And getting nicer by the minute!
Tom Branson: With a real love of Brancaster.
Robert Crawley, Earl of Gratham: Golly gumdrops! What a turn up!
Cora Crawley, Countess of Grantham: [Sees the door opening, smiling widely] That's dinner, if we're not too distracted to eat!
Tom Branson: [All move toward the door except for Mary, who still appears thunderstruck; teasing] So we'll all bow and curtsey to Edith. You'll enjoy that, Mary.
Lady Mary Crawley: [bitterly] Hardly. And if Bertie really is Lord Hexham, which I still don't believe, he won't want to marry her now.
Cora Crawley, Countess of Grantham: [sarcastically] Careful, or people will think you're jealous, dear. We don't want that.
Lady Mary Crawley: [seeing a newspaper headline indicating an English marquess died in Tangiers] Isn't Bertie's employer always in Tangiers?
Lady Mary Crawley: Can you buy one?
Tom Branson: [Reading from the newspaper] "The sixth Marquess of Hexam, 39, has died in Tangiers where he was a frequent visitor. The cause was given as malaria; Lord Hexham was unmarried."
Lady Mary Crawley: Does this mean Bertie's out of a job?
Tom Branson: That depends on the heir.
Lady Mary Crawley: Poor Edith; it's bad enough he was an agent, now he may not even be that.
Tom Branson: [Looking perturbed] Don't sound so gleeful about it.
Tom Branson: You're a coward, Mary. Like all bullies, you're a coward.
Anna Bates: She loves him but she can't control him. That's what frightens her. He's stronger than she is, really. Or as strong. And she's not used to it.
Cora Crawley, Countess of Grantham: How terrible. Poor Mrs Patmore.
Lady Rosamund Painswick: What an unlikely bawdy house madam.
Isobel Crawley: Mrs Patmore's secret career!
Mr. Carson: And what makes you think you'll be any good?
Joseph Molesley: I don't know exactly. Perhaps because I want it so much.
Mr. Carson: There are plenty of little boys who want to be famous cricketers. It's not enough to make them champions.
Joseph Molesley: I just want to try, Mr Carson.
Mrs. Hughes: And so you shall.
Mr. Carson: You have no qualms about dragging the family we serve into the mud?
Mrs. Hughes: It's their choice, Mr Carson. They're all grown people, surely?
Mr. Carson: Well, I've always known that women were ruthless, but I didn't think I'd find the proof in my own wife!
Mrs. Patmore: And there's me thinking how kind they were to come to the rescue.
Mrs. Hughes: And so they are. Just tell them yes and arrange the day.
Bertie Pelham: Would you send me to bed happy?
Lady Edith Crawley: Sounds like an indecent proposal.
John Bates: [to Anna] She's a bit of a bully, your Lady Mary. She likes her own way.
Sergeant Willis: There is some concern Haughton-le-Skerne will be in the news, as a site of a house of ill repute.
Mrs. Patmore: A house of ill repute?
Sergeant Willis: I'm afraid the rumour mill has already begun but there's a chance that Dorrit may settle out of court.
Mrs. Hughes: And you won't have to be a witness?
Mrs. Patmore: So Mr Willis said. But I've still lost every one of my bookings. I'm a laughing stock.
Mr. Carson: I did wonder about the whole idea from the beginning.
Mrs. Hughes: You did not! It's exactly what we're planning to do.
Mr. Carson: Then clearly we're going to have to be a lot more careful than Mrs Patmore, aren't we?
Lady Mary Crawley: [laughing with Anna about Mrs. Patmore's troubles] Oh, that's the first proper laugh I've had for ages.
Anna Bates: I couldn't resist telling you.
Lady Mary Crawley: [Insincerely] Poor Mrs. Patmore.
Anna Bates: [Both continue laughing] Oh, I know, it's awful for her. I'm going to have to think of something serious when I go down.
Lady Mary Crawley: Well I had some rather sad news when we were in Thirsk. Lord Hexham's died.
Anna Bates: Who's that, milady?
Lady Mary Crawley: The owner of Brancaster Castle, where we all stayed last year, for the grouse.
Anna Bates: Not me, milady; I was otherwise detained.
Lady Mary Crawley: Oh, of course you were. I am sorry.
Lady Mary Crawley: Only, it might affect Lady Edith's friend, Mr. Pelham; he's the agent there, or was. He might be out of a job.
Anna Bates: [Looking concerned] How worrying for them.
Lady Mary Crawley: So my romance might not be the only one to come to an untimely end.
Henry Talbot: [to Mary] If you're trying to get rid of me, I'm going to make it as hard and horrible as I can.