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Wrestling Isn't Wrestling (Video 2015) Poster

Quotes

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Non-Fan: You know it's fake, right?

[the sky suddenly turns dark and The Undertaker appears behind him]

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Bill Goldberg's son: Hey dad.

Bill Goldberg: What?

Bill Goldberg's son: You know wrestling's fake?

Bill Goldberg: It's pre-determined, son.

[pause]

Bill Goldberg: Max Landis, Goldberg here. You can use that for your video and I won't come kill you.

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[Caption: When you say "I love pro wrestling," the response is inevitably... ]

Non-Fan: You do know it's fake, right?

[Caption: To which I say... ]

Max Landis: More real than any other TV show. WWE Raw features live death-defying stunts performed in front of an audience of thousands every week. People who feel the need to tell you that wrestling isn't real clearly don't watch wrestling because the show features an undead wizard...

[Caption: not kidding]

Max Landis: Leprechauns.

[Caption: not kidding]

Max Landis: An evil group of male cheerleaders.

[Caption: not fucking kidding]

Max Landis: This show does not pretend to be an athletic competition. Instead, it's a TV show about a wrestling show. It has more in common with Game of Thrones than it does with UFC. And if you follow one character, all the way through, you can see that this format allows the telling of interesting, diverse, and compelling stories. And there's no better place to start than with... probably my favorite wrestler. Triple H.

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Max Landis: An important thing to remember about Triple H is that he views himself when he looks in the mirror as this warrior knight Conan destroyer super badass unstoppable guy. The fact that he's actually an insecure, cheating, undercutting, manipulative coward, he's kind of blind to. He can't see it, and that's why when The Undertaker beats him, all Triple H can think about is...

Triple H: But I still got some good hits in him, right?

Max Landis: And everyone's like...

Stephanie McMahon: Sort of.

The Undertaker: Hey! Stop acting like you beat me.

Triple H: Yeah, but I kinda did. Sort of.

The Undertaker: No you didn't.

Triple H: Yeah, but I hit you a bunch of times.

The Undertaker: That's not how wrestling works. You can't win just... you lost. Admit that you lost.

Triple H: No.

The Undertaker: Fight me again, then.

Triple H: No.

The Undertaker: You're not as good as Shawn Michaels!

[the Undertaker's cult cheers]

Triple H: Bitch! I will fight you anywhere! I will fight you on the moon!

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Max Landis: So I'll tell you one last story. And it's about a guy named Daniel Bryan.

[pause]

Max Landis: Daniel Bryan was this little scrappy weird vegan, sort of like, almost hipster gnome. He always yells, 'Yes!' People fucking love him. They love him so much. And you know what? I don't blame them. There's something great about Daniel Bryan. He's not the best actor, but sometimes, in wrestling, that doesn't matter. If you have enough heart and a weird enough face, you can reach the top of this industry. The fact that Daniel Bryan is competing against guys like Randy Orton, Triple H's former protege, and Batista, another Triple H creation, pisses Triple H off. Because when Triple H sees Daniel Bryan, he sees a guy who isn't good enough. When Triple H sees Daniel Bryan, he sees... Triple H.

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Max Landis: The story goes on. That's the thing about wrestling: it doesn't end. But that's the thing about life too. And yeah, I left stuff out, but you don't remember everything. Humans crave melodrama. They crave fiction. When you're sitting alone and texting, it's because you're bored. Our imagination is our greatest gift, and our greatest curse. Because we're bored all the time. And that's what fiction does for us. It gives us a sort of... simulator for bigger stories and bigger emotions. That's what Lord of the Rings is. That's what Phantom of the Opera is. That's what Goodfellas is. That's... everything. It's us watching and feeling. The human capacity for empathy through imagination. That's why we have stories.

[pause]

Max Landis: Triple H is a great character, in fiction. Told over two decades. A snob who had a chip on his shoulder that he could never let go, and just wanted to be the best. But never could be that without cheating. Finally selling out to the point that if he can't be the champion, he'll choose the champion.

[pause]

Max Landis: And that's what you need, man. That's what we all want. From Long John Silver to Perseus to Neo to... to Walter White. We love watching people grow, change, struggle. Good people, bad people, we don't care. We want to see it, man. We need entertainment and we need it now. And when you watch wrestling, that's what you get. Now don't get me wrong. A lot of wrestling sucks, but when it's good, it's fucking great.

[pause]

Max Landis: Wrestling is melodrama. Wrestling is mythology. Wrestling is action. Wrestling is comic books. The only thing wrestling isn't... is wrestling.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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