Nostalgia Critic : Sit down before it starts!
Malcolm : Before what starts? You're just pressing play on the DVD player.
Nostalgia Critic : You don't understand! This is the Disney Afternoon! There's a certain ritual to this: We act like we just got back from school, throw our belongings on the ground for our mothers to pick up, surround ourselves in high-fructose corn syrup, and reward ourselves for dealing with the mental scars of our tremendously flawed education system.
Tamara : Wait, aren't you talking about Disney's One Saturday Morning on ABC?
Nostalgia Critic : Fuck Disney's One Saturday Morning on ABC! That was just a carbon-copy cartoon cock comparison compared to the Disney Afternoon!
Malcolm : Hey, "Pepper Ann" was good.
Nostalgia Critic : Okay, maybe one.
Tamara : And "Recess" was decent.
Nostalgia Critic : Yeah, if you want to get technical...
Malcolm : And "Kim Possible".
Nostalgia Critic : Well, "Kim Possible", obviously, but...
Tamara : And "Proud Family".
Nostalgia Critic : Who's dissing "The Proud Family"? Nobody's dissing "The Proud Family" while I'm around!
Malcolm : And there was also that other show, um... "Doug".
[the Critic's eyes widen in surprise]
Malcolm : Yeah, that was a pretty good cartoon series. You can't deny that must've had some sort of impact on your life.
[moments later, Malcolm is seen with a bloodied jaw and a black eye; he is rubbing his jaw]
Nostalgia Critic : [visibly shaking his hand, presumably from punching Malcolm] What you're both missing is that the Disney Afternoon had a timeless sense of magic and wonder that was the perfect welcome-home from a long day of schoolhouse popularity or awkward social punishment. So, if there's no other comparisons to "lesser forms of art"...
[looks toward Malcolm]
Malcolm : I can't feel my teeth...
Nostalgia Critic : We'll go ahead and get started!