Howard Wolowitz: Fun fact, I'm gonna jump off this train.
Penny: Happy Valentines Day!
Leonard Hofstadter: Flowers and chocolates? You trying to get me out of my panties?
Penny: Don't be surprised if you find five chocolates missing and three gross coconut ones with a bite taken out. Came that way when I bought it.
Leonard Hofstadter: I got you a little something too.
[Gives Penny a jewelry box]
Penny: Oh my. Jewelry.
Penny: Oh, my God. Lakers' tickets!
Leonard Hofstadter: It gets better. Instead of me, you can take someone who will actually enjoy it.
Penny: Aww! You are the best boyfriend ever!
Leonard Hofstadter: Thank you, seriously, please don't make me go.
Sheldon Cooper: We've only been dating three years. If we share a room people might talk.
Amy Farrah Fowler: I propose we spend Valentine's Day at a bed and breakfast in Napa.
Sheldon Cooper: I hate every word in that sentence, including "we", "in", "at", and "a".
Sheldon Cooper: What is your problem?
Amy Farrah Fowler: It's Valentine's Day. We're supposed to be having a romantic weekend.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh really? Because I remember you saying that trip was going to be something we could both enjoy. Did you really mean that or were you just trying to trick me?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Fine, it's true. I deserve romance and I didn't know how else to make it happen.
Sheldon Cooper: Well, if you want romance, let's have romance. Oh, look, there's wine.
[Takes Amy's wine glass and drinks]
Sheldon Cooper: Grape juice that burns. Um, let's now gaze into each other's eyes.
[Looks at Amy's eyes]
Sheldon Cooper: You blinked, I win.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper: What's next? Oh, kissing's romantic.
[Amy doesn't believe him, gets kissed and enjoys it. So does Sheldon]
Amy Farrah Fowler: That was nice.
Sheldon Cooper: Good. Um. The conductor said if I come back to the engine room he'd show me how to bring the train through a crossing.
Amy Farrah Fowler: OK, have fun.
Sheldon Cooper: Do you want to come with me?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Really? I do.
Yvette: Are you the owner?
Raj Koothrappali: Owner, father, and if something happens to her your worse nightmare!
Amy Farrah Fowler: Hey, guys. See if you can guess this one.
[Mimes shooting herself in the head]
Amy Farrah Fowler: Bang! Splat! Thud!
Amy Farrah Fowler: Item 28 your pet name for me. Time's running out on this. You need to make decision.
Sheldon Cooper: I submitted you a notarized list.
Amy Farrah Fowler: I sorry, but Golum and Flaky are not acceptable.
Sheldon Cooper: Well, you don't like Princess Corncob. You don't like Fester. You're just impossible to please.
Raj Koothrappali: Oh and I'd like for at least one of us to see some action so if you guys happen to have sex it's cool if she stays in the room.
Penny: The same goes with the two of you with Amy.
Penny: Should we take this little party to the bedroom?
Leonard Hofstadter: We don't have to. We have the whole place to ourselves.
Penny: Oh that's true.
Leonard Hofstadter: In fact, if you want we can do it right here on Sheldon's spot.
Penny: That is the least sexy thing anyone's ever said to me.
Leonard Hofstadter: To the bedroom!
Amy Farrah Fowler: Why do I even try?
Bernadette Rostenkowski: I'm going to fix this right now.
Howard Wolowitz: OK. Just make it look light an accident.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Excuse me. You at a Valentine's dinner with your girlfriend. Now get back over there and be with her.
Sheldon Cooper: You're right. That was insensitive of me. I have to got back to my table now. You should join us.
Eric: All right.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Great. Now there's two of them.
Raj Koothrappali: You do whatever it takes to save her life. If she needs any new organs I'll buy any dog necessary and scrap them for parts.
Sheldon Cooper: So how long have you been riding trains?
Eric: Six years. I used to work at UPS until a box fell on my head. Now I just collect disability and ride the rails.
Sheldon Cooper: Your life is perfect.
Eric: Not always. Six years ago a box fell on me at UPS and hit me on the head.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Are you all right?
Amy Farrah Fowler: It's Valentines Day, and my boyfriend is hanging out with some weirdo. How do you think I feel?
Bernadette Rostenkowski: To be fair, they're both weirdos.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: You sure you guys don't want to come with us to Napa. You can probably still get a room.
Penny: No. I think we'll just have a quiet weekend at home.
Leonard Hofstadter: Of course I'm not sure it's a great idea to take Penny where wine comes from. What? It's a joke. Oh, come on. We bust on each other. I wear dorky glasses and you might have a problem. It's all for laughs.
Penny: That would really piss me off if I didn't have a buzz going on.
Amy Farrah Fowler: A night staring at the stars. That sound pretty romantic to me.
Raj Koothrappali: Not really.
Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm trying to put lipstick on a pig here, so work with me.
Howard Wolowitz: A world I don't want to live in. Seriously I don't want to live in this world.