The D Train (2015) Poster

(2015)

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7/10
Less than the sum of it's parts...
DrtyBlvd3 September 2015
...Which is odd, to say the least.

If you love film, you'll find something to take from this. If it's just simple entertainment you seek, best look elsewhere.

It's a puzzler - read some of the polarising reviews - in a way, it reminded me of Jim Carrey in 'The Cable Guy'; you don't get what you expect, and that can be a shock to some, and a boon to others.

Interestingly, and unexpectedly, I now think more of Jack Black - mayhap he just hasn't had the right vehicle to stretch his talents fully in, yet.

It's never going to make the pantheon, but it does have some things of merit; not least of which is the ability to make you cringe whilst not looking away. The how-can-it-possibly-be-resolved expectation is uncomfortably high.

I liked it; the discomfort, as it dawns on you, is tremendous and it walks its' line well - not subtle, but hey - I imagine the studio execs having a nightmare trying to decide how to market this. Whether it dawns on you, or slaps you in the face, will depend...

Once you've watched it, just think on that for a minute - because that vapid 'Tries to get reunion together' rubbish just doesn't cover it, does it?

Loved the soundtrack - especially the INXS lyricism - and some of the lines were priceless. (Lawnchairs)

I liked it. I feel the ending was rushed a little, but then, how else to cover bases?
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6/10
A great film being held down by a mediocre one
StevePulaski8 May 2015
Warning: Spoilers
Jarrad Paul and Andrew Mogel's "The D Train" is a far more layered film than its trailers lead one to believe. Beneath the sequences of ribald partying and an explosive Jack Black performance lies tender, more touching ideas of disillusionment, self-delusion, and identity, personal and sexual. Great films have been assembled just from using one of these ideas, and for a film to include all of them in some way shows a large amount of ambition on part of the writing and directing team at work here. However, while being bold enough to try and tackle something larger, "The D Train" tries to have it both ways, creating a raunchy comedy out of material that deserves a more intimate focus and treads almost fatally into the Adam Sandler "anti-character study" formula of belittling its troubled hero.

The film follows Dan Landsman, the self-appointed chairman of his high school's twentieth reunion committee. He is the "do all" man on the job, working as hard as everyone combined, as he appears to relish the days of high school and the memories it left for him. Dan's immediate problem is that nobody, neither the remainder of his committee nor his old classmates, share even a fraction of his enthusiasm, and his constant monopolizing and narcissism fills his peers with contempt. With nobody RSVPing to the reunion, Dan finds one thing that will make them all come and that is the presence of Oliver Lawless (James Marsden).

Oliver was once a popular kid in high school, who went on to pursue his career in acting, predominately in TV commercials. When Dan catches one of Oliver's commercials on TV, he starts an unhealthy obsession with the man, much to the dismay of his wife and fourteen-year-old son. Dan goes as far as to travel to LA with his boss (Jeffrey Tambor), fooling his boss and his wife into thinking it's a business trip, so he can meet and ask Oliver to attend the reunion. Dan and Oliver wind up partying all night before their debauchery makes them question who they really are and want to be.

Dan is played by Jack Black, an actor once committed to the most ridiculous and shallow comedies, who branched out to show his true colors within the last few years. Black is ideal for Dan, a complex character, as his wild, larger-than-life personality and rapidly changing moods are handled with expert realism and genuine talent. Despite having a character that, at times, is incredibly contemptible and somewhat frustrating to watch, Black nails this role, similar to his role as Bernie Tiede in "Bernie," where he took a character and simply ran with it.

Marsden, on the other hand, plays a character where more sophistication and mental stability is assumed. He plays the slick actor, with a cool exterior and a troubled interior, hoping people get so caught up in the former they won't even notice the latter. Black and Marsden make a dynamic duo, and both, particularly Black, transition smoothly between the ribald and the dramatic.

"The D Train," however, examines loftier ideas than I presume anyone going into it ever imagined. The film shows the efforts one will go to continue to fend off feelings of inferiority and disillusionment, along with ideas of sexual revelations, even if that means shunning those you care about the most and becoming so self-absorbed you become uncaring. Dan has ostensibly always been like this, but his behavior worsens over time, and a lot of it is no laughing matter. The problem is, presumably in efforts to make the film attract a wider audience, Paul and Mogel still kind of want you to laugh at this character, even while he's in the mix of an identity crisis. This kind of nonsense is for an Adam Sandler film where the character is irredeemably unlikable; not for a film with such serious ideas behind it.

Furthermore, the film's wobbly tone works against it, sometimes wanting to take on the personality of a raunchy comedy and sometimes straying from it into something more meditative. Again, this makes it seem as if Paul and Mogel don't have enough confidence in their material to make the central focus the deeper, more thoughtful ideas. In efforts to appeal to a more mainstream audience, which I, maybe pessimistically, don't see really happening due to the film's minimal marketing and almost destined obscurity, "The D Train" finds itself squandering its potential, a criminal mistake that hurts an otherwise quietly significant film.
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7/10
Poor comedy, but solid drama
silmaril-623 August 2015
Another mislabeled movie... So no wonder that people who expected to have mindless fun watching Jack Black in a typical comic role he used to play many times before and James Marsden in a role similar to the ones he played brilliantly in Sex drive or Death at a funeral, got unexpectedly hit with quite dark theme with no many things to laugh at and disappointed. At first, I was disappointed too, but somewhere at the middle I realized that the movie it self is good, that the theme is important and that above mentioned (but all the others too) actors did amazing job. I blame the marketing of this movie, poster, but you too dear IMDb for providing wrong info on a movie category and misleading synopsis. So, in conclusion - as a comedy, this one is quite bad, but as a drama, it's very nicely done.
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6/10
DHKR: The D-Train- "Trainwreck"
Darkhorse_Knight11 May 2015
Warning: Spoilers
The D-Train with Jack Black isn't about Tenacious D. Just throwing that out there. Also, it's not a very good comedy, but it is as a dark dramatic role. So, The D-Train should not be viewed as a comedy with Jack Black, but instead a dramatic film that just so happens to star Jack Black and does at least have a couple laughs.

The D-Train itself is about Dan Landsman(Black) trying to net up people from his high- school to build up a high-school reunion along with his committee, where he just so happens to make himself chairman, Mr. Landsman now apparently being a fascist dictator. After Landsman watches a Banana Boat commercial, he notices "The Most Popular Guy from School" Oliver Lawless(James Marsden, who's name couldn't be a more subtle hint of him being a bad-ass if only he was Ford Perfect), who may force the state of Indiana to pull this film from public theatres because of...one scene.

Before I get to that, more plot! Landsman has to lie to his technophobic boss and his wife to go to a business trip as an excuse to meet Lawless and convince him to go out to the reunion which leads to drinking...then to drinking again...then to coke use...then to strip dances...then to "that scene"

After..."that scene"...Landsman returns home, now apparently getting Homo-Traumatic Stress Disorder, turning him into a lying, coke-abusing thespian which seems to be a weird cross between Governor Mike Pence turned abusive and the real life "Hollywood Jack" from Tenacious D's Rize of The Fenix. He's lying more then a plank on a bridge and using more coke than me at a Steak N' Shake on a Friday night.

When the actual reunion takes place, it is where our hero is going all around as quite possibly the most miserable person at the whole party. Landsman takes more coke and then gets told off by Lawless, revealing his..."scene"...at LA before his lies and dis regions soon break him down under such massive weights. Both his family and friends, except his son Zach(Russell Possner), hate him as he looks at the consequence of what his few days have caused. He sank a business to the ground beyond repair, created a bigger gap between him and Zach, and finally brutalized his marriage that, not implied but possible, could a divorce.

So, yes. The D-Train isn't a comedy. It's not funny in the slightest. In fact, it's almost Run All Night levels of depressing. It's nothing that I would like to see again from Black, but I was at least surprised to see him work well enough in a dramatic role.

Final Result: 3 Stars, C-Rank
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7/10
Better than I expected it to be
Seth_Rogue_One17 November 2015
In all honesty, when I saw that Jack Black and James Marsden had made a movie together I thought: "oh this might be cool", because I like both of them.

But when I read the plot summary: "The head of the high school reunion committee has to persuade the most popular guy in school to join them in the reunion" my expectations fell way down to the floor.

The idea of a high shcool reunion is really not something I would even bother going to due to many different things so it lost me in the relation to the material factor and it just didn't sound like a very good premise for a movie.

And in a sense it isn't, and it didn't pull me in right away but eventually once James Marsden got into the picture it did and became a lot different from what I expected of the movie, it actually became rather moving in the end.

It's a movie that deals with identity, popularity, sexuality and parenthood and it does so in quite an unusual rather non PC way so if you are a prude you might not appreciate some of the events taking place, I however did and thought it was a breath of fresh air.
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4/10
jack: please do something more serious
drake-harbinger9 April 2017
3 and under are reserved for movies in which the acting is garbage. the acting in this movie is good.

the movie is the problem.

jack black has chops, but they're wasted in this movie. mr. marsden also sells it. the acting isn't what's wrong with this movie. what's wrong is: what? why did we, the audience, just watch this? it was everywhere, all over the place, and had no landing. it just sort of was.

in a few weeks someone will be talking to me about the movie about that guy at the reunion where he got buttf*cked, and i'll say: "Idunno man. Idunno what you're talking about." Then he'll mention Jack Black, and I'll say, "Oh, I think there was a Netflix thing that sucked where he was a salesman of some kind, and that dude from the transgender show who is really popular was his boss." we'll both agree that that's the movie we both saw, then we'll go back to our desks.

the end.

that's where this ends.
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9/10
A great movie but painful to watch
abisio4 November 2015
Warning: Spoilers
The first scenes of the movie show us a mediocre guy, Dan (Jack Black); being ignored and rejected by people that do not look any better than him. The next scenes show Dan and his family and at first sight; things are even more depressing. That is the moment I thought what I am doing here ? I did not come to see a movie to be depressed. Anyway I stayed and what came later was even worse. However the movie become better every minute (if you are able to keep up with the exasperation of painful situations that somewhat reminds us of stupid things of our youth. The D train is a movie about frustration; our own and others we idealize. It is about how we value charisma and coolness over other perhaps more important and deeper virtues; even rejecting the people who care about us. It is about how empty our life might become if we are unable to find our place in the world.

It is also a comedy; and will make you laugh but never without some pain.

Jack Black is a humble actor and really you should put aside your whole ego to do this character. He is not even a nice person; just a mediocre trying to live others people lives.

James Mardsen is brilliant as the cool popular guy that knows perfectly well his own life is worthless. His two scenes with Black at the end of the movie; when he express his feelings about Dan; and when he apologizes; are just perfect. Both actors shine there with controlled performances rarely seen in a comedy (like this one been marketed as).

In brief; it is a rewarding movie that will make you think. For us is perhaps too late; but we can teach our children about this kind of mistakes.
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1/10
Insufferable, unfunny, dis-likable Tish.....
FlashCallahan23 August 2015
Warning: Spoilers
Dan Landsman has never been the cool guy, but that's about to change, if he can convince Oliver Lawless, the most popular guy from his high school who's now the face of a national Banana Boat ad campaign, to show up with him to their class reunion.

A man on a mission, Dan travels from Pittsburgh to LA and spins a web of lies to recruit Lawless.

But he gets more than he bargains for as the unpredictable Lawless proceeds to take over his home, career, and entire life........

Jack Black has had one of the strangest careers in Hollywood for a once A-list star. The School Of Rock, in my opinion, was very mundane, but it rocketed him into the big time, and kudos to him, it opened many doors, and for a while, he was everywhere.

But then he went down the Mike Myers route, and the biggest films he's done in the last ten years are about a talking panda. I always preferred him in a little Independent movie like Bernie, or as a supporting character (his turns in The Cable Guy and High Fidelity were scenes stealing turns).

And let's not forget he played a wannabe 'Rastafarian' in I Still Know What You Did Last Summer.

But here, he's really sank to a new low, and his career is now sitting comfortably with Cuba Gooding JRs as having the biggest career nose-dive in history.

Dan is one of the most unlikable, selfish, insufferable characters a 'comedy' has ever seen. The man lies, cheats, steals, and ignores his sons needs in order for him to be popular for once, and you what? It's give me some sadistic pleasure when his world came crashing down around him.

But what makes it worse is that he has such a nice family, and such a comfortable existence, so what if the rest of the alumni don't invite you for a drink, get over it, stop being bitter, and know your priorities in life.

Things only go from bad to worse when Marsden 'enters' into the fray, the writers decide, for some reason, that Dan will do anything, literally anything to be popular and win the day.

And then the film turns almost into a psycho obsessive movie, and Dan almost turns almost a Rupert Pupkin style personality change, because Lawless is doing what Dan should be doing, paying a little attention to his son.

But don't worry, this films message is 'be a nasty person, be abhorrent towards the ones closest to you, because they are like dogs, their love is unconditional.

It's truly one of the most nastiest, vilest, pieces if filth I've ever seen, and I really hope it vanishes without a trace.
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7/10
I Agree With Pulaski -- Almost Terrific but chickens out
jbrummel13 May 2015
Warning: Spoilers
SPOILERS SPOILERS (it's not that kind of film but I'm cautious)

There is a lot of good in this film -- the performances, the surprises, the exploration of some bold territory.

But to cut to the chase I think it chickens out in a few ways. One is by making the sex the focus of the conflict it derailed the far more nuanced and powerful emotional one. I was hoping Blacks pining for Marsden was not sexual but social, he just wants a friend, to feel valid and worthwhile. "What happened in LA" was not the sex but the connection. But the film drops this and its all about "i screwed a man, am I gay, do I love him etc". Unspoken is the loneliness and inadequacy that drove him to risk so much. The early dinner scene paints it well, then poof, it's gone.

A less egregious chicken out is although Black gets beat up pretty good he only suffers for about 1/2 a day. It's all better and forgiven by noon. Eh.
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10/10
A movie worth its character study.
sinnerofcinema9 May 2015
Many may not want to admit this, but "D" Train happens more often than not. This subject matter of a bromance gone to an awkward level is a welcome addition in a time where fluid sexuality is a pervasive theme within todays hot topics. I understood the film and its purpose, and grant kudos to the filmmakers for what they were going for. The film focuses on life's ups and downs of Dan (Jack Black) as he orchestrates a reunion with an old high school popular guy. To his surprise, the encounter turns fun until one night of drunken partying leads to a "moment" neither protagonist is soon to forget.

Unfortunately for Dan, his constantly wanting to repress what happened leads him to deal awkwardly with those who surround him back in his small quiet hometown. On other hand, the film perfectly encapsulates the character of Oliver Lawless, a struggling actor who finds an opportunity to feel what its like to be wanted and adored with attention when his true life is less than what his image portrays.

The scenarios that are taking place in this film are to be given credit and much consideration for they are truly deep seeded issues dealing with mens interaction with one another, masculinity and society's expectations. Oliver's arrival into town for the class reunion only worsens the situation as Dan becomes a walking time bomb. He's got mixed feeling about Oliver and does not know how to deal with it. So he has sudden outbursts of rage and anger as the film progresses into an abrupt final act for both men.

The film succeeds in showing the inner struggles and emotional turmoil many men, Im sure, have endured in similar situations. I feel the filmmaker dealt with the subject matter in a realistic way for these situations tend to be naturally awkward to begin with. To sweep such raw feelings under the carpet can really take its toll if left unattended. I do recommend this film, not for being a comedy, even though some of the awkward moments did elicit a chuckle or two, but because there is depth here and very interesting ideas and themes that the film deals with simultaneously in a very fresh and original way. This may not be the comedy most will be expecting to see, but I suggest you give the film a chance. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show!
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9/10
One of Jack Black's best performances, as well as James Marsden's!
Hellmant13 May 2015
'THE D TRAIN': Four and a Half Stars (Out of Five)

Jack Black and James Marsden star in this dark comedy, about a forgotten high school nerd, who attempts to convince the most popular guy from his graduating class to come to their 20-year reunion. The film was written and directed by Andrew Mogel and Jarrad Paul (in their directorial debut). It also costars Kathryn Hahn, Jeffrey Tambor, Russell Posner and Mike White. The movie is hilarious, full of dark twists and also surprisingly insightful!

Dan Landsman is the self appointed head of his high school reunion committee (from the class of 1994). He wasn't popular in school and his fellow alumni members still treat him like crap. After seeing the most popular guy from their class, Oliver Lawless (Marsden), in a Banana Boat TV commercial, he decides to track him down in LA, and convince him to come to their reunion in Pittsburgh; in order to attract more former class members into attending. He makes up several lies, in order to accomplish his mission, including a fake business trip; which gets him into a lot of trouble. This causes complications in his relationships with his boss (Tambor), wife (Hahn) and son (Posner); but he has a great time bonding with Lawless, in the process.

The movie takes a really dark turn, at about the halfway point, which leads to some hilarious laugh out loud moments; throughout the rest of the film. I think it's one of Jack Black's best performances, as well as James Marsden's; who's became a brilliant comedic actor in recent years. The script is clever, and smart, and it's also a great character study; that's brilliantly directed. It's definitely a different movie than I thought I was going to see. It's also got some great 80s style music, and it just feels like a classic comedy film. It's also very relatable, to me; especially since my 20-year high school reunion is coming up (which I don't plan on attending). It's definitely a movie I'll remember!

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7/10
Oh, what a tangled web we weave
Ramascreen10 May 2015
The problem with this film is that by now I'm kind of exhausted, straight up tired of watching Jack Black playing a character who spins so much lies, it becomes a tangled web he's woven situation, tired of watching Jack Black's character claiming to be somebody he's not. It was great in "School Of Rock" but then another round in "Gulliver's Travels" and now this. That said, nobody could do this type of lying better than Jack Black.

THE D TRAIN, from writing/directing team Jarrad Paul and Andrew Mogel, stars Jack Black as a high school reunion committee self appointed leader named Dan Landsman who the audience could figure out instantly, didn't have a great high school experience. He has trouble trying to get his old classmates to come to the reunion and even his own committee thinks he's a loser. When all of a sudden, he watches a commercial featuring one of his graduating classmates, Oliver Lawless, played by the heartthrob James Marsden. Dan (Jack Black) concocts a plan to go to Los Angeles to convince Oliver (Marsden) to attend their reunion so that he could score cool points with the others. But not ever goes smoothly as planned, Dan comes up with a fake deal to try and get his boss to fund his travel but his boss (Jeffrey Tambor) is so eager and excited about the prospect, he decides to tag along.

Some of us liked our high school experience, but for the majority, people would probably say that they're glad to be out of there, life starts in college after all. Jack Black's character represents anybody who wishes they could press the reboot button on their adolescence. His character is not only insecure but feels like nothing else, not even his own son is as important as his pursuit of coolness among his peers. Whereas James Marsden's character profoundly represents people's misconception about show business. People often associate it with glamor, fame and fortune, and to a certain extent, that may be true, but many of the people traveling to L.A. and try their luck, only end up doing small gigs and waiting tables while waiting for their big break at the same time; a big break that may never happen. So these are two very sad individuals who lie to themselves and lie to the people around them. I have to give kudos to Jack Black and James Marsden because there is one particular sequence that you wouldn't see coming, some of you would probably, but it goes to show how professional Black and Marsden are, what they're willing to do and how far they're willing to go for the sake of the story. And that particular scene sets off a chain of events that lead to the climax and self realization. But again, seeing Jack Black in this type of role, is nothing new, but I guess this is his niche, his field of expertise. Overall, I think THE D TRAIN is a dark comedy that doesn't necessarily slap you in the face and tell you to snap out of it, that it was just high school for heaven's sakes, but it does have its own silly way of unburdening yourself from all the lies.

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1/10
How are people saying this is funny?
timhaskal20 August 2015
OK for starters the movie was bad I mean really bad I figured it would be funny with Jeffrey Tambor and Kathryn Hahn. But no it was quite possibly the worst movie ever made. The story was just pathetic the acting was bad there was nothing in this movie that was redeeming at all.

Either all you people rating it worked on the movie or your Homosexual and just vote happy that there's a movie out there for you. Worst movie ever I guess Tambor was OK but he doesn't get nearly enough screen time its just full of really bad jack black acting.

Oh also there's nothing funny in this movie you will get to the end and be like WTF did I just watch then like me you will be angry cause you where misled by all the IMDb reviews claiming its OK.

Also if you want to hate on my review feel free but please add why its funny and why the acting didn't suck and why the storyline wasn't abysmal.

Never bothered to write on IMDb but this movie was so bad that i found it was my duty as a human to warn other people away from it so they don't buy into the IMDb Fake reviews.
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1/10
Just a sad movie that lacks
vbraun_vlb8 May 2015
Warning: Spoilers
This could have been a fun and entertaining premise...instead it turns into an uncomfortable to watch perversion.

*Possible Spoiler*

Jack Black is so under used in this movie. He tries hard to play the role of a jilted (?) non-gay man that allowed himself to be perversely abused by his bi-sexual school alum.

Kathryn Hahn is hilarious when given the opportunity and she was given no opportunities here. She is even more under used than Black, no character development, no chance to shine.

Russell Posner's sexualized role of a 14 year old is completely one dimensional and offers no room for growth.

The only positive is that my wife was not with me to see this horrible piece of Hollywood pro-sex, pro-gay agenda.

Sad really...this could have been a good movie.
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1/10
Pitiful - don't bother
lbdurrette1 February 2016
Warning: Spoilers
One of the WORST movies I've seen in quite some time - didn't hold my interest from the beginning. Jack Black's character was totally unlikeable & I didn't care if he ever made it to the popular list. I gave up even attempting to watch this when the two men began kissing, cut it off & walked away. The rest of the characters in the film were flat & unreal. The whole tone of the film was sheer desperation. Nobody liked Dan in high school & 20 years later, they still didn't like him. It was painful to watch. I tried, but I can't find a single redeeming feature. Jack Black should stick to cartoon voice-overs. Save yourself the time, don't even bother with this one.
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1/10
I was once again duped into watching a JB flick
justindaugherty-7830123 September 2015
I saw a Jack Black film once, where he was funny. Every film since has left me hoping for the return of the original Jack and each time has been a big let down! After the last film he acted in, I remember thinking, "Never Again" yet this had a solid cast, decent reviews, and some time had passed so I thought maybe Jack would have aged like good wine. Once again, I was wrong. Jack's performance was predictable, cliché, and frankly, rather pathetic. I saw something in him once, perhaps he still has it and he's not the corny, obnoxious, guy, he comes across as. If that's the case, then his manager should be fired for continuing to allow him to accept parts with terrible scripts. Either way, whether it's terrible acting or terrible writing, I am done with Jack Black!

As for the film, it too was obnoxious and unbelievable. The premise that attendance at a reunion matters much to anybody was a tough sell. The dialogue between Dan and Lawless was completely absurd. the relationship between each of the characters was scripted with no sense of reality, and the entire thing seemed forced. It was as if the script was written by pulling ideas from a hat and then stringing them together with disregard for logic or reason. Such a concept for a comedy is not unheard of. You can play fast and loose with logic when a film is funny and the acting is good. Sadly, this film was lacking both humor and great acting and instead offered an awkward depiction of a completely unrealistic situation that dragged on for an hour and forty minutes and left me full of nothing more than regret for choosing to watch it.

If there is anything good to come from this film it's that it ends with Jack doing calisthenics and martial arts on the beach. Judging from the extra curves on Jack in this film, maybe that did him some good...
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7/10
Wow! That was hilarious!
subxerogravity11 May 2015
Way beyond my expectations.

Jack black was nothing but hysterical. Honestly could not stop laughing at him.

James Marsden make a fantastic side kick to Black's fantastic performance.

Another great Jack Black movie written by Mike White who also wrote School of Rock.

Black plays the head of his 20 year high school reunion committee who after seeing one of his classmates, Oliver lawless played by Marsden in a national TV commercial, weaves a very tangled web to get the coolest guy in the school to come to the reunion so he can be a hero but his quest turns out a little disastrous.

This movie impressively went places I did not expect and turn out some real funny results that change how I see Bromance movies forever.

This one you got to see.
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7/10
Multi-level dark comedy
jamesmmarr13 September 2015
The movie theme of a well intended wannabe cool guy even as an adult leads him on a journey with unintended consequences for his past -reunion present- family-future-job. Jack Black continues to stretch the "high school" boundaries into new areas. Jack Black has some very convincing moments that push the envelope of his serious acting talents. Jack Black can you come to my reunion? The editing seemed to be choppy and this added some confusion to the story line. The naiveté of the jack black character as first introduced, then he provides some borderline adult ethical decisions under the guise of partying like he did in high school in order to fulfill his desires of still wanting to be a " cool guy" to the reunion committee by saving the day of a lackluster event. His real deep unfulfilled desires ramp up a Bromance that goes out of control. Jmm
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1/10
Worst movie of all time.
pdillon-8417626 August 2015
I am slightly disappointed that I can not reward this pathetic excuse for a movie a 0/10, It's genre lists comedy. At no point did i even consider laughing. I know that all of the politically correct readers are going to scream "HOMOPHOBE" at me. But the fact is this movie simply has a rotten story line. It is shallow and frankly So boring that i had to convince myself to stay until the end thinking no movie could possibly be this bad and maybe i was going to miss the big funny twist.. oh my god how wrong i was. surely none of the actors read the script?? Do yourself a massive favor and miss this one. this movie is so bad i actually decided to create a IMDb account just to express this opinion . thanks for your time.
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1/10
Jack Black: Please read this review, save your career!
noybman10 January 2016
Warning: Spoilers
I'm struggling to write this review almost as much as I struggled to watch this movie. I want to find the most impressive power words to convey the most sincere sense of meaning as to bypass the English language and speak to your soul, your heart, and your mind... I am just not certain this can be done.. but here's to trying.

First, I will suggest that the MAJORITY of the IMDb reviewers that gave this movie more than one star did so because of Jack Black. One of those "It has ____insert name here____, so it has to be good with some eventual redeeming value" factor. With this said, I hope Jack Black himself reads this review, cause I want him to promise on live television to ***NEVER*** accept a part in a movie this abhorrent again for as long as he continues to act.

The movie intends to find a way to make you pity and/or resent the main character (JB), and spends 95% of the time committed to this goal. If it is unsuccessful then you weren't watching.

The last 5% of the time it leaves you some breathing room to contemplate how it will end. Again, the movie wants you to cling to this 5% because it is the only reason why you might still be watching (besides hoping for comeuppance from OR for Jack Black and thus, for you).

They will take this 5% and nag you with it like a carrot on a string. Only to drop it on you in a small dialog that then bends all of reality and tosses it out the window so you can see a happy ending wrapped up in disbelief. It simply grabs you by the scruff of the neck and rubs your nose in it, like a giant steaming turd.

Power Words: Abhorrent, "Steaming Turd", committed, comeuppance, disbelief. (Who would have ever thought those to be power words)
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4/10
What Track Is This Train Running On...?
krocheav19 August 2016
Writer directors Andrew Mogel and Jarrad Paul seem to want it both ways. With this movie they throw in all forms of crude low-life drug and sexual sensationalism while expecting us to look for something higher. Problem is it's never clear to the viewer just what audience they are aiming for - what they want to say - or where they are rightly heading. This is a pity because on one hand they are saying look at all the available crap you can indulge in (and they pile it on) but then attempt to introduce a halfway interesting awareness angle that's not always quite as convincing as it needs to be - leaving audiences a little confused and hanging in irritated limbo.

The story and its characters are weak and vulgar but we are supposed to find something lovable about them. Any quality moral insights are shrouded in dubious message type situations - IE: If spending quality time with your 14yr old son is reduced to talking about the merits of a threesome - then these folk need to take a very serious look at their understanding of responsible parenting!. It also looks as if they and the producers sold their souls to the 'cancer stick' companies - with heavy 40's style cigarette shot usage - each one glamorously 'set-up' for all their characters (no matter what age) add-nauseous. Give us a break - it took a long time to educate humanity and clean up the air but takes such a short time for commercial fools to kill it again.

What could have been a good try at worthy character observations ends up as a "let's make a film for everybody" that ends up pleasing next to no-one. What's left are reasonable intentions buffed to a trashy finish....

It's also a another case of the Hollywood promotions machine not knowing how to sell its product to the right audience.
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7/10
Comedy with some serious undertones
Finfrosk866 September 2015
I was a little surprised by this movie, because it had some layers that I didn't really expect. Now, I can't go into much detail about these layers, because I want to be totally spoiler free, but they are there.

The D Train is listed as a comedy, but I think it's more of a comedy/drama, because, like I said, it's not all silly fun. The comedy is often silly, it is Jack Black after all, but when it is serious, it is serious. I kind of felt for Jack Blacks character. He does some dumb stuff indeed, but he is also tossed into a couple of situations he doesn't know quite how to tackle. (here those aforementioned layers comes to play)

I don't laugh that easily, so when I watch a comedy I first and foremost want to be entertained, not laugh. And I was entertained by this movie. It did make me chuckle a couple times too, though.

I think part of the reason for this movies relatively low score (here on IMDb) is exactly that it is not a clean comedy, and definitely not a clean drama, it falls between two chairs, and maybe some are confused by that. We do love to define stuff, don't we? Us humanoids that is. Yes we do.

Anyway, it's an alright movie with some heart, some drama and some goofiness. Not your worst, not your best.
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5/10
Humorless Dark Comedy
stevendbeard8 May 2015
Warning: Spoilers
I saw "The D Train", starring Jack Black-Bernie, Tropic Thunder; James Marsden-The Loft, Cyclops in the X-Men movies; Kathryn Hahn-Parks and Recreations_tv, We're the Millers and Jeffrey Tambor-The Hangover movies, Arrested Development_tv.

This is a weird little movie; it's not just a comedy or even a straight drama but it does contain a little bit of both genres in it. Jack plays a loser type that likes to be in charge, but nobody really likes him. Jack is in charge of the committee for his 20 year High School reunion, which has not had much success in getting people to attend the up-coming festivities. Then, Jack sees an old classmate on TV-James, who is now an actor in commercials-and gets the bright idea of getting him to make an appearance to draw in everyone else. Kathryn plays Jack's wife and Jeffrey is his boss. The main problem that I had was that Jack is not a very likable person to begin with. I mean, you can tell why he doesn't have any friends. He is not even nice to his own family. He is always trying to make himself cool by giving himself nicknames, but they never stick. His character's name is Daniel so they usually begin with a 'D', like 'D Dog' or 'D Man'. The title of the movie-The D Train-is one of those nicknames. There is an incident that happens between Jack and James of a sexual nature that effects Jack in a weird way-afterwards, he acts jealous with James but proclaims how it was a one time thing and that he loves his wife. I don't know, it was just a little weird. It's rated "R" for language, drug use and sexual content-including nudity- and has a running time of 1 hour & 37 minutes. It's not one that I would buy on DVD. I don't think I would rent it, either. If you really want to see it I would suggest you wait until it comes to cable.
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2/10
Could not even make it to the end
sixteenvolt18219 November 2015
I started watching this thinking hey I love Jack Black and James Marsen is always good, how can you go wrong.

The story was pretty weak to begin with, and Jack Blacks character was so pathetic it was almost uncomfortable. I was sticking with it still not the worst movie I have ever seen.

But once the homosexual stuff started I was out, I just really don't like watching movies with two dudes making out and having butt sex. I know we are all suppose accept it now, but I can't watch it and don't want to watch it. So off the movie went and I don't know how it ended and it was bad enough that I don't care.
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6/10
This flick is an epic landmark on the order of DOG DAY AFTERNOON . . .
oscaralbert12 May 2015
Warning: Spoilers
. . . only, this time, it's done for the benefit of spotlighting America's historically under-represented Bisexual Crowd. D TRAIN's primary lesson is that, "If you're not Gay, Lesbian, or Transgendered, you're potentially Bisexual." Even if your name is James Bond or Scarlett O'Hara, all it might take to reveal your flip side is the right combination of celebrity, booze, and drugs. As "Oliver" says to "Craig" near the end of D TRAIN, his TV pitchman notoriety enabled him to have ANYONE on the Pittsburgh-area high school reunion committee, since they were all living as "Straight" men and women. When "Dan's" wife "Stacey" asks her spouse, "What about (Oliver) Lawless, did you get him to come?" she obviously sensed her husband's "any port in a storm" desperation. D TRAIN's scriptwriters make a point of having Dan say, "I'm not Gay," to which Oliver responds, "I'm not Gay, either" after their night of loving. D TRAIN seems to suggest that compulsory AC\DC assignments be required to obtain a passing grade in U.S. public school Sex Ed courses. Through Oliver, it also recommends that when a 14-year-old virgin boy's junior miss sweetie suggests a G-B-G three-way for his First Time, he ought to "stack the chicks like lawn chairs."
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