Liz Lemon: You getting mugged just proves what I said to you on the phone. New York is a selfish, filth monster and it eventually gets all of us. It's "Ghostbusters II" all over again!
Jack Donaghy: No, me getting mugged is New York doing what she does best... calling a great man to action. It's the original "Ghostbusters" all over again!
Pete Hornberger: I can't order you a car unless it's after 9:00, or you have a note from your killer.
Jack Donaghy: Commissioner Kelly and I are friends. We have competing columns in "Irish Arguments Weekly," America's only all-caps magazine.
Jack Donaghy: [talking on the phone] Really, Trump? My idea is stupid? Well, you make your hair every morning by sticking your head in a cotton candy machine.
Liz Lemon: What are you guys doing?
Jack Donaghy: The police can't be counted on to protect the rich unless they're rich, too. So we're gathering support for a private police department where the starting salary is $5 million a year.
Liz Lemon: How's that going?
Jack Donaghy: Slowly. Even Tommy Hilfiger turned me down and you'd think that he, of all people, would understand the lower classes can ruin something.
Tracy Jordan: Plaxico Burress just called our idea "poorly thought out." Then hung up by shooting his own phone.
Jack Donaghy: This is a travesty.
Liz Lemon: I used to be like you, thinking I could make the city follow my rules. I told off line-cutters and movie theater-talkers. And for what? Did anyone cheer me, or name a sandwich after me that would maybe be turkey, pastrami, Swiss, Russian dressing, Cole slaw and potato chips? You can't count on anyone else in this city, Jack. All you can do is sink down into the filth.
Jack Donaghy: I just registered the domain name for my campaign website: JackDonaghyIsRunningForMayor2013NewYorkThisIsTheWebsite.com. That's as close as I could get. Everything else was already pornography.
Young Girl: [singing "N.Y.C." from the musical "Annie"] "Three bucks, two bags, one me!" Say, where does a young prostitute get started in this town?
Kenneth Parcell: Oh, you smell like when the Stone Mountain tire fire joined up with the corpse fire, and then swept through the downtown manure district. It was our fault for letting those high schoolers dance at their prom.
Liz Lemon: I am sick. Sick like a fox. I'm gonna clear out that whole theater and watch a sneak peak of "The Hunger Games" by myself. It'll be my greatest triumph. There's a Q & A afterwards with
Liz Lemon: Eh, the screenwriter? Bleh.