Narrator : A while back we discovered the most amazing thing: Lily had a doppelganger who was a Russian stripper
Barney Stinson : Look at her Ted: she's just like old less-good Lily, but instead of bossing us around, she shows us her boobs.
[Moves a hand toward her]
Stripper Lily : [Slaps his hand] No touching.
Barney Stinson : Okay, a little bossing us around. I call her Better Lily!
Ted Mosby : [Drunk] Who needs Marshall and Lily. We have a new gang and we're all gonna hang out together forever.
Stripper Lily : My shift is done. Good-bye.
Barney Stinson : Wait, stop! Technically this song's not over, so we own you. Plus, we're best friends! Where to next?
Arvydas : We go to underground poker game in mostly abandoned insane asylum.
Barney Stinson : Yes! This is going to be AWESOME. And when it is I want you all to remember who lead you there: Barney Stinson; new gang leader.
[Cut to sketchiest poker game ever]
Stripper Lily : [Ted, Robin, Barney, and Kevin just escaped a poker game with some Russians] We go to party at slaughterhouse. You come?
Robin Scherbatsky : [thought] Please God, no!
Barney Stinson : [thought] Don't let me be in charge of the gang anymore!
Butterfly Knife : [thought] I can't believe that Kevin doesn't remember me from our sessions three years ago.
Kevin : [thought] Is that the lunatic who stabbed all those prison guards?
Barney Stinson : Yes! Tonight is gonna be Legen... wait are we sure it's a good idea to go to a strip club? Shut Up Lily I'm in charge now... Dary!
Barney Stinson : As new group leader, I say we do something we never would have done with Marshall and Lily here. Remember that amazing idea I had that one time?
Barney Stinson : [Title says "Every night since 2005] Let's go to a strip club.
Lily Aldrin : Nope.
Barney Stinson : [Back to present] So, what do you guys say? Let's declare your Independence with a on-the-pen-dance.
Barney Stinson : on-the-pen-dance.
Robin Scherbatsky : Yeah, we got it.