"How I Met Your Mother" 46 Minutes (TV Episode 2012) Poster

(TV Series)


Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson



  • Barney Stinson : Stop pining over Marshall and Lily! Have some self respect. Now put this fiver in your mouth so that stripper with the lazy eye can vacuum it up with...

    Ted Mosby : Barney! I'm allowed to miss them alright? They're my two best friends.

    Barney Stinson : I'm your two best friends!

  • Kevin : Hey guys where are Marshall and Lily?

    Robin Scherbatsky : Something terrible happened...

    Kevin : Are they okay? Are they in the hospital?

    Barney Stinson : No, somewhere much, much worse...

    Marshall Eriksen : Long Island!

  • Narrator : A while back we discovered the most amazing thing: Lily had a doppelganger who was a Russian stripper

    Barney Stinson : Look at her Ted: she's just like old less-good Lily, but instead of bossing us around, she shows us her boobs.

    [Moves a hand toward her] 

    Stripper Lily : [Slaps his hand]  No touching.

    Barney Stinson : Okay, a little bossing us around. I call her Better Lily!

  • Ted Mosby : [Drunk]  Who needs Marshall and Lily. We have a new gang and we're all gonna hang out together forever.

    Stripper Lily : My shift is done. Good-bye.

    Barney Stinson : Wait, stop! Technically this song's not over, so we own you. Plus, we're best friends! Where to next?

    Arvydas : We go to underground poker game in mostly abandoned insane asylum.

    Barney Stinson : Yes! This is going to be AWESOME. And when it is I want you all to remember who lead you there: Barney Stinson; new gang leader.

    [Cut to sketchiest poker game ever] 

  • Stripper Lily : [Ted, Robin, Barney, and Kevin just escaped a poker game with some Russians]  We go to party at slaughterhouse. You come?

    Robin Scherbatsky : [thought]  Please God, no!

    Barney Stinson : [thought]  Don't let me be in charge of the gang anymore!

    Butterfly Knife : [thought]  I can't believe that Kevin doesn't remember me from our sessions three years ago.

    Kevin : [thought]  Is that the lunatic who stabbed all those prison guards?

  • Barney Stinson : Yes! Tonight is gonna be Legen... wait are we sure it's a good idea to go to a strip club? Shut Up Lily I'm in charge now... Dary!

  • Barney Stinson : As new group leader, I say we do something we never would have done with Marshall and Lily here. Remember that amazing idea I had that one time?

    Barney Stinson : [Title says "Every night since 2005]  Let's go to a strip club.

    Lily Aldrin : Nope.

    Barney Stinson : [Back to present]  So, what do you guys say? Let's declare your Independence with a on-the-pen-dance.

    [Gets silence] 

    Barney Stinson : on-the-pen-dance.

    Robin Scherbatsky : Yeah, we got it.

  • Arvydas : [about Stripper Lily]  Want to touch my girlfriend's boobs? Fifty bucks.

    Barney Stinson : Wait, Better Lily is dating this behemoth? Sound like anyone you know? That's new Marshall! This is our gang now!

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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