When a US plane is taken down over seas by an unknown assailant, the army is sure it was North Korea and a new war is about to break out. Even worse, the true attacker is an alien armed force and only one old battleship can stop them.
Mario Van Peebles,
Richard Jones a fast talking ladies man who wakes up one morning and discovers something incredible, HIS PENIS IS GONE! Desperate and freaked out, Richard seeks the help of a voodoo ... See full summary »
A fierce electromagnetic storm cripples communications; as a result, two planes - one a commercial jet, the other Air Force One, carrying the President of the United States and his family - are on a collision course.
The Mockbuster Factory returns with what may be their most audaciously titled/timed ripoff yet. The big budget sci-fi flick "Battle: Los Angeles" has just hit theaters and a day later "Battle Of Los Angeles" (note the "Of" in the title, people - totally different film!) airs as the SyFy Channel's Saturday Night Original Movie. I wonder how many people were dumb enough to tune in thinking that they were going to be getting the "real" blockbuster for free. If so - joke's on you!! Anyway, I haven't seen the "real" "Battle: Los Angeles," but what I've seen in the trailers, it appears to owe a lot to "Independence Day," and therefore so does "Battle OF Los Angeles." In both versions, a giant spaceship drops out of the skies over the City of Angels, apparently impervious to all Earth weaponry. In the "real" movie, the only ones who can do anything about the alien invasion are a platoon of tough-as-nails U.S. Marines. In the Asylum version, it's a small band of Air National Guardsmen stationed in the hills.
It must be said that the special effects in the first ten or fifteen minutes of "Battle of Los Angeles" actually look somewhat promising. While still characteristically Asylum/SyFy Channel cheap, the invasion/battle scene that opens the film looks like they at least put some kind of effort into it. I would imagine that the majority of the film's (small) budget went into that sequence, as the rest of the film doesn't come close to measuring up to it.
From here, all resemblance to the real "Battle: Los Angeles" ceases. Instead of Aaron Eckhardt and Michelle Rodriguez, we get Kel Mitchell (yes, the former "Welcome to Good Burger, can I take your order?" guy from Nickelodeon) and Nia Peeples. Nia is a sword-swingin' Area 51 ass kicker (aging gracefully in a "Resident Evil" style cat suit) who leads the band of military survivors through the desert (random observation: have you ever noticed how many Asylum films deal with "a small band of survivors traveling through the desert?" I'd say it accounts for a good half of their filmography!)to a final showdown on board the alien ship. I realize this plot description is rather vague, but then that's because as far as I could tell, the film had no real plot to speak of. It's basically a series of random fight scenes, stuff lifted from other (better) movies, lots of people running, guns being fired and stuff blowin' up (in the Asylum's trademark, laughably cheap CGI) and a whole lot of ridiculous dialogue. Shoehorned in for no apparent reason is a fighter pilot from 1942 (?) who is not what he appears to be, a grizzled old airman who tries to shoot down alien ships with a Colt revolver, and "advanced alien weaponry" that looks like it came off the shelves of Toys-R-Us. In short, if you tuned into this movie thinking you were getting the real "Battle: Los Angeles," then you deserve what you got. Bad movie fans who are in on the Asylum's joke will have a hoot and a holler picking apart the usual round of inconsistencies (such as Peeples' suddenly-appearing eye patch) and technical errors. Sit back with a six pack and enjoy. Judging from the reviews I've read of the "real" "Battle Los Angeles" movie, this Asylum-ized version is probably more entertaining anyway.
31 of 38 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful to you?
| Report this