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- And it's time for an all new set of "stars" dancing. Tom Bergeron promises us it's the "wildest" cast ever. If you could hear Brooke Burke over her plunging separated-boob neckline you'd hear her agreeing.
The pairings, courtesy ABC pr;
*MICHAEL BOLTON, Grammy ® Award-winning singer, teams up with CHELSIE HIGHTOWER.
* BRANDY, actress and singer, joins MAKSIM CHMERKOVSKIY, who is back for his ninth season.
* MARGARET CHO, comedienne and actress, partners with LOUIS VAN AMSTEL.
* RICK FOX, former NBA champion, teams up with two-time champ CHERYL BURKE.
* JENNIFER GREY, beloved film and television actress, joins two-time mirror ball champion DEREK HOUGH.
* DAVID HASSELHOFF, international superstar, teams up with Season 9 champion KYM JOHNSON.
* FLORENCE HENDERSON, America's favorite mom, joins CORKY BALLAS.
* KYLE MASSEY, television teen star, partners up with LACEY SCHWIMMER.
* BRISTOL PALIN, teen advocate and Alaska's former first daughter, teams up with two-time champ MARK BALLAS.
* AUDRINA PATRIDGE, MTV reality star, joins TONY DOVOLANI.
* MICHAEL "THE SITUATION" SORRENTINO, Jersey Shore ab-man, teams up with KARINA SMIRNOFF. Hasselhoff is wearing pleather. Thought you should know.
Audrina and Tony are up first. He says she works hard and gets things quickly. When they hear they're up first, he decides to redo almost the entire routine.
They cha-cha to Katy Perry's "California Girls."
Len Goodman says they danced with "confidence" and she had good technique. Bruno Tonioli says Audrina looks like "a show pony that needs to be whipped into shape and pushed to the limit." Carrie Ann Inaba gives Audrina props for starting the season with a solo and says she has the body for the competition (nearly all of which we can see in her yellow fringe midriff-baring outfit).
Carrie Ann gives them a 6; Len a 7 and Bruno a 6 for 19.
Up next are Kurt Warner and Anna. He tells us his seven children are big fans of the show. His first steps de-evolve into bird imitations. Kurt thinks Emmitt Smith set the bar for NFL players on the show.
They dance the Viennese Waltz. When they finish he goes and kisses his wife in the front row. Bruno calls him a "natural" and a graceful qb, he sees great potential. Carrie Ann agrees. Len thinks it wasn't graceful.
Carrie Ann gives them a 7, Len a 5 and Bruno a 7 for 19.
Kyle Massey and Lacey are next. She thinks he needs to work on her technique. She catches him staring at her boobs mid-dance.
They dance the cha-cha-cha with him as a nerd trying to get the hot girl. The crowd stands up and cheers. Carrie Ann announces Kyle is officially her first "crush" of the season. Len liked it and predicts if he keeps his enthusiasm up he'll go far. Bruno calls him "divine entertainment."
Carrie Ann gives them an 8, Len a 7, Bruno an 8 for 23.
Rick Fox is next with Cheryl. She predicts the women will love him. They instantly have an issue with the height difference, so Cheryl gets 4 inch heels.
They dance the Viennese Waltz.
Len thinks he danced with elegance and with "amazing" posture. (They keep cutting to Eliza Dushku during the critique -- the Interwebs tell us they moved in together last month. Her latest tweet says she's driving to the taping and "Go Ricky, you're so fine.")
Carrie Ann gives an 8, Len a 7 and Bruno a 7 for 22.
Next, Margaret Cho and Louis. She tells us she didn't think she'd be good, but she thought she'd be better. She gave up dancing after someone called her "the fattest ballerina" as a kid.
They dance the Viennese Waltz with a deliberate stumble at the end. Somehow, her long draped dress has a train that turns into wings.
"What the hell was that?" Bruno says. Carrie Ann thinks the wings were a bit much.
They get 5s across the board for 15.
Brandy and Maksim are next and he tells us he's going to try to be a good boy this season. Brandy is smitten with him at first.
They dance the Viennese Waltz.
Carrie Ann calls it beautiful but warns her not to hit her spots so hard. Len says it was fabulous.
Carrie Ann gives them a 7, Len an 8 and Bruno an 8 for 23. Brandy breaks into tears.
Bristol Palin and Mark are next. She has problems shimmying and is really shy. When he suggests Tom Jones "Mama Told Me Not to Come," she says it's like her relationship with baby daddy Levi, who her mom warned her not to date. He warns us she'll be wearing something conservative, then they'll rip it off her.
They cha cha, she starts out in a business suit with sparkles and a tie then quickly rips it off to show red fringe. (It's very reminiscent of a day-to-night Barbie outfit of the 80s.) Len calls it "a very acceptable performance for week one." Bruno calls it, not ironically, "virgin territory" for her. He tells her to work on the performance. Carrie Ann confesses she thought Bristol was going to be boring, but she has great legs.
Jamie Lee Curtis is in the audience.
They get 6s across the board for 18.
Mark hugs her a lot and tells her he's proud of her.
Florence Henderson tells us she was resolved to be on the show. She's with Corky. He notes they're the most "mature" of the bunch. They show her cursing in rehearsal and striking what she calls her "dominatrix pose." They dance the cha-cha-cha and her dress with a slit all the way up the leg is more revealing than Bristol's. Bruno calls her a "spunky" lady. Len calls it great entertainment.
They get 6s for 18. Brooke notes that Florence is 76 and asks how she stays sexy.
Michael Bolton and Chelsie are next. He notes that he has shoes older than her. She puts him in a device like the stocks to help with his posture.
After the Viennese Waltz, Carrie Ann says he needs to smile more and not let Chelsie lead. Len tells him to work on posture.
Michael tells us he's in the middle of touring and has 57 shows to go of more than 150.
Carrie Ann gives them a 6 and they get two 5s for 16.
"The Situation" is next with Karina, who greets him at the airport with a photo of his abs. Their first rehearsal was last Tuesday because he just finished filming "Jersey Shore." Everybody else has been practicing three weeks.
He's actually introduced as "the Situation" for their cha-cha-cha.
Len thinks he has potential but is under-rehearsed. "You've got the guns but not the ammunition," Len zings. "You're going to look like a jackass if you carry on like that," Bruno says and tells him to apply himself. Carrie Ann tells him to lose the 80s moves.
They get straight 5s for 15. He takes it in stride, saying he'd like the chance to improve.
Jennifer Grey and Derek are next. He greets her with "are you ready to have the time of your life?" Groan.
They're doing the Viennese Waltz to "These Arms of Mine" from "Dirty Dancing." Watching him dance, she starts crying uncontrollably, thinking about Patrick Swayze.
"Patrick was one of the most fearless people I've ever met, so I'm going to go out there and try to be the kind of person he was," she resolves.
After they dance, Bruno announces: "Baby is back where she belongs," adding "someone up there is going to be very, very proud of you."
Carrie Ann is choked up saying "something profound just happened right now."
They get straight 8s for the highest score of the night, 24.
Up next, "the Hoff" who cheeses up his intro with a life guard's floatie. He's dancing with Kym, who went to meet him backstage at a show in Germany. He notes that he's "old." There's lots of yelling in the rehearsal.
Carrie Ann says he seems like the offspring of Donnie Osmond and Jerry Springer and he seems to dance with his mouth.
"It's never too early to panic," Len says.
Bruno says there was no timing whatsoever and was a "potpourri of insanity disguised as dance."
They get straight 5s for 15 (and boos from the audience).
And after recaps, that's it. Jennifer and Derek are at the top with The Situation, Margaret Cho and The Hoff at the bottom.