Britta Perry: [mocking Annie] I don't know anything. I need boys. Saving the planet makes my back hurt.
Annie Edison: [mocking Britta] Oh, I obviously don't need boys for anything. That's why I wear stripper boots during the day and eat only celery and mustard for lunch.
Britta Perry: [mocking Annie] I never stop smiling.
Annie Edison: [mocking Britta] I never start.
Britta Perry: [mocking Annie] My sweaters keep shrinking.
Annie Edison: [mocking Britta] I get up an hour early to ever so slightly curl my hair.
Shirley Bennett: Yeah, you're both so different. Skinny bitches.
Jeff Winger: I can't believe I made out with both of you.
Jeff Winger: Guys, guys, guys. Did we learn nothing from last Christmas? I don't see much difference between Pierce's religion and anybody else's.
Annie Edison: Well, then you're not listening, because his has lasers!
Jeff Winger: Look, you guys make fun of me for not caring about religion. But at least I'm dedicated enough to not caring to let you have your own beliefs. Can't Pierce have his? Can't you be cool like me?
[picks up his phone]
Jeff Winger: Hello?
Troy Barnes: He ends so many of his speeches that way.
Professor Ian Duncan: I'm actually not drunk and I can prove it. I blew bellow the legal limit just this morning.
Jeff Winger: I could eat powdered bran every day while you suck down figgy pudding and I still might die first. It's not fair. I want my donuts back!
Jeff Winger: I treat my body like a temple!
Male Nurse Jackie: Well, I can't be the first person to tell you that the temple doesn't last forever. I mean, it's made of hamburger. This is a... This is a temple of doom. And you know what? Like the real temple of doom, it represents the inconvenient fact that all good things - be they people or movie franchises - eventually collapse into sagging, sloppy, rotten piles of hard to follow nonsense.