Suspicions arise when Terence wants to sell Ari his share of Ari's old agency. Drama goes on an audition for the new "Melrose Place." Eric goes to the doctor after receiving some disturbing news.
- There are a lot of surprises to be had in this episode, and the first occurs right away: Eric making out with a complete stranger in public. (I had to roll back the DVR to see if I saw that right.) To be fair, she wasn't a complete stranger: according to Drama he had dated her four months earlier (but entirely off-screen).
As Vince, Drama, and Turtle all prepare for important upcoming events: Vince's film shoot in Italy, Drama's Melrose audition, and Turtle saying goodbye to Jamie-Lynn, E's make out session with Tara (not Reid) still trumps them. Drama, however, has some not-so-good news for Eric. He thinks Tara gave him some sort of social disease. Vince isn't worried about his boy, however, since Eric is a good Catholic boy and would always use a condom.
ERIC: I didn't have one! She told me she was on the pill!
VINCE: Oh, E! Rookie mistake!
ERIC: God, I need to shower.
DRAMA: You might need some Clorox!
Another day at MGA, another assistant for Ari, who lasts as long as forgetting to make sure the blueberry bran muffin was, in fact, a blueberry bran muffin. However, this assistant wasn't much of a security expert, since Terrence McQuewick is already in Ari's office. The two of them exchange their usual Cold War banter before Terrence comes out with the reason for showing up: he wants Ari to buy his agency. The reason he gives is that he needs a simple, no-pain deal, and he wants to give Ari first crack at it before dealing with the headache of putting it on the open market. Ari is interested, as is Barbara Miller. However, the $100 million asking price is too much.
Jamie-Lynn is preparing for her trip overseas for her new TV series... by adding songs to Turtle's iPod list. Clearly she doesn't want to pack, and Turtle is trying to have the conversation both ways: attempting to say he wants her to stay while trying not to get in the way of her career. A little jealousy, however, might do the trick. The UCLA co-ed who showed interest in Turtle asked to be friends on Facebook, and he accepted to not be rude. This did not sit well with Jamie-Lynn, who picks a fight with him about it. Turtle deletes the co-ed from his page immediately, and Jamie is feeling guilty. She knows he didn't do it on purpose, but leaving is driving her nuts. She breaks down crying, saying how much she'll miss him. He does his best not to cry, and actually succeeds.
At Drama's audition, he is ready to go with Phil for the role on the new Melrose Place. And David Faustino shows up six years later. Speaking of cameos, Drama's audition is about to go sour, as the director from two of his prior auditions (Doug Ellin pimpin' his own show again) shows up. Even though the guy with Ellin who messed up Johnny's mojo by texting wasn't there, Drama was still starting to hyperventilate. After a quick pep talk by Lloyd and assurances that there will be no texting in the audition, Drama is ready to nail the role. Then Superman upstages him. In this case, Dean Cain walks in a few minutes too early for his audition for the role.
PHIL: Don't even worry about him, Drama. It's your job to lose.
That was the same thing they said about the 2003 Yankees. Drama panics and walks out. He calls Vince, who was busy in the pool, as was the girl on top of him. Vince tries to calm him down, but Drama is convinced he is having an actual heart attack. He is sweating bullets and thinks he just pissed himself. Drama heads for the hospital, and Vince goes after him.
Ari decides to investigate Terrence's offer by calling his favorite P.I., Eddie Kapowski. He also manages to fire another assistant, but to be fair; anyone who references "Saved by the Bell" in a major talent agency is just begging to be canned. Kapowski can't do the investigation because there is a conflict. This sets off alarm bells. Ari thinks Eddie was hired to investigate him. However, Eddie assures him, as best as he can without breaching confidentially, that his current job does not involve Ari. Ari is relieved but intrigued.
After a trip to the doctor where he had to answer questions about his sexual past (and the E haters bring out their best lines on the subject) and receiving the test no guy wants to receive involving a long Q-Tip, Eric makes it back to the office, where he has to hear from his co-worker Scott about how Tara was not the cleanest woman in L.A. This sends Eric into a further panic attack, until his assistant tells him about Drama's heart attack. E bolts for the hospital where it turns out Drama had stress-related symptoms similar to a heart attack but didn't actually have one. However, since these symptoms could lead to a real heart attack, the doctor gives him some medication and tells him to relax. Drama goes one further. The stress of auditioning and staying employed has gotten to him. Despite getting a second shot at auditioning, courtesy of Lloyd, he turns it down. He contemplates leaving the business entirely.
Ari catches up to Melinda, Terrence's wife. Ari thinks Melinda might know something about the deal, but Melinda was none too happy about Ari showing up. Terrence apparently plans to sell the agency behind Melinda's back. As it turns out, a D-cup 25-year-old named Kelsey was also something Terrance was doing. Melinda was the one hiring Eddie Kapowski. Armed with this knowledge, Ari manages to negotiate Terrence down to $75 million for the company, since Terrence would not be able to handle the fact that he cheated on Melinda going public and having an incredibly messy and expensive divorce. Lloyd is about to become Ari's employee again, and he hides quickly.
Jamie and Turtle say goodbye at the airport. She decides that she wants him to date other people because she made the decision to leave and she doesn't want him to suffer for it. The fact that he refuses to do so or hate her for making the decision makes her even more upset. He thinks that she hated the fact that he didn't cry. However, she tearfully admits it was because she was in love with him. She holds him tight and kisses him goodbye. She leaves, and now he's crying.
In the end, Drama comforts Turtle, although not in the way he wants. Eric is too gun shy about dating and hooking up now, even though his tests came back negative. He decides he wants Sloan back, and he's not going to take "no" for an answer this time.
So with Eric no longer willing to play the field and Turtle going through a personal identity crisis without Jamie, Vince has nobody to party with in his final week before Italy. Except Drama, which doesn't make him feel better.