Sex Drive (2008)
James Marsden: Rex Lafferty
Rex : I wouldn't let you drive The Judge if it was parked on my Schnutz!
Rex : Ian, you're 18 and you've never had a girlfriend. That's how people wind up getting gay, you know?
Ian : I don't think that's really how it happens.
Rex : Tell me how it happens expert, ya cock expert, ya cockspert. Hey, what do you like better the shaft or the balls?
Ian : That's gross.
Rex : You like em both don't you. It's like, sometimes tuesday you want the big, old, shiny-ass cock. Wednesdays and Thursdays you're onto the balls.
Ian : I don't know what you're talking about.
Rex : You can't choose can you? Thats a tough one. You love it. You're obsessed with it.
Ian : No, you are, your talking about it.
Rex : Why are you smiling at me, I'm serious. Don't fucking smile at me, I'll knock you out of the god damn earth. What does it taste like? What's it like when you take your mouth off of it and its like, you can see your reflection in that fucking cock. Smack you in the face a little bit, you don't like that?
Ian : I don't eat...
Rex : Just like shiny, fucking stiff, throbbing, hot vascular mushroom head.
Ian : Ya ya.
Rex : Look, every guy has a fantasy about another guy, but you gotta bury that shit way down, this is America, goddammit.
Ian : There is, there is a girl. That I've been kinda...
Rex : Alright, I'm listening, where'd you meet her?
Ian : Um, on the, online.
Rex : [Slams car breaks on] What? For fuck's sake Ian, don't you watch "Dateline"? She's probably a guy. Some fat, old dude who wants to ram you in the tailpipe.
Rex : But you'd love that wouldn't you, 'cause you're a homo!
Rex : [to Ian and Lance] For God's sake. You two little rump rangers couldn't wait five minutes?
Rex : [Lifts up the garage door, stopping below his neck without looking inside] Oh, fuck. I know you didn't take my car again. 'Cause you're a big giant pussy. That's right. I'm gonna lift up this door, and my big, fucking glorious bitchy Judge is gonna be sitting right there gleaming at me. Or I am gonna have the fucking neighborhood squirrels eat your asshole.
[Lifts up the door, sees the car is gone, proceeds to beat the garage door to death]
Rex : He took my fucking baby. Cocksucker!
Rex : [muffled] Holy fucking fuck-balls!
Rex : What smells like jizz?