[Jeff is treating a patient in the bottom of a trench that is full of water]
Jeff Collier: Dix! You got my snorkel and flippers up there?
Kathleen 'Dixie' Dixon: You'll be all right with your webbed feet.
[Nathan objects to the Red Nose charity events in the department]
Nathan Spencer: Charlie, is this a hospital or a funfair?
Charlie Fairhead: Er, I dunno, mate - I haven't been here long enough!
[giving Angus a local injection in his hand]
Maggie Coldwell: This shouldn't hurt.
Angus Deayton: Ow! Why did you say it *wouldn't* hurt when it *did*?
Maggie Coldwell: Well I suppose pain is comparative, isn't it?
Angus Deayton: Well you're the expert, but I would have though that jabbing a very large needle into the back of somebody's hand probably does hurt.
Maggie Coldwell: That's not a large needle.
Angus Deayton: Well it felt pretty large to me.
[she shows him a six-inch syringe with a long needle]
Maggie Coldwell: *That* is a large needle.
Tess Bateman: All the computers in Admin are playing up.
Nathan Spencer: Do I look like someone with poor social skills and inadequate personal hygiene?
Tess Bateman: No.
Nathan Spencer: That's because I don't work in IT Support.