Ted Mosby : So let me get this straight. A funeral is the one time you don't suit up?
Barney : Have I taught you nothing, Ted?
Ted Mosby : Virtually.
Barney : Suits are full of joy. They're the sartorial equivalent of a baby's smile.
Ted Mosby : "Sartorial"?
Barney : "Of or pertaining to tailors or their trade." Suits are for the living. That's why when it's my time to R.I.P. I'm going out of this world the same way I came into it. Buck naked! Yeah! It's going to be awesome. Open bar for the guys, open casket for the ladies!
Barney : What uuuuup!
Ted Mosby : Almighty TiVo, we thank you for all the gifts you have given us. The power to freeze live TV to go take a leak is nothing short of godlike. Let's not forget fast forwarding through commercials. It seems greedy to ask anything more from you, oh Magic Box. But if you malfunction and miss the Superbowl, we will destroy you in the alley with baseball bats. Amen.
Ted Mosby : Marshall, you're on beer detail. Lily, you're making the bean dip. Robin, you're on chips and pretzels. Barney, I'm giving you nothing to do so that you can work on your gambling problem.
Barney Stinson : Problem? Hey, Superman should really do something about his flying problem. Please! It's not a problem if you're awesome at it.
Wendy : Oh, God, you didn't hear? Mark died.
Lily Aldrin : Oh, my God.
Marshall Eriksen : Oh, my gosh.
Wendy : The funeral's tomorrow at 6:00, and I know it would have meant a lot to Mark if you came. You guys were his favorite customers.
[the waitress leaves]
Ted Mosby : Who was Mark?
Marshall Eriksen : No idea.
Barney Stinson : Not a clue.
Barney Stinson : How the hell are you planning on getting in and out of a sports bar without seeing the score? There's TVs everywhere.
Ted Mosby : Ah, don't worry. I got it all planned out. First of all: I placed duct tape on a pair of sunglasses so I can only see out of two tiny holes. Next, I constructed blinders out of an old cereal box. Top it all off: high-tech noise-reducing headphones I bought when Marshall and Lily first got back together and were doing it a lot. I call it the Sensory Deprivator 5000.