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"My Name Is Earl" BB (TV Episode 2006) Poster

(TV Series)

(2006)

Quotes

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Prosecutor: The prosecution will show that the defendant was taking money in exchange for sex at the Rainbow Burger drive-thru.

Patty: That's a lie! I wasn't taking money for sex, I was taking burgers for sex. And curly fries for a diddle and a pickle for a lookie.

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[to the judge after receiving a $500 fine]

Patty: Any chance you want to take that $500 out in trade? I'll let you take a ride on the Patty wagon.

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Earl Hickey: He's awake now so I threw him in the bath with a bar of soap.

Randy: What did he look like naked?

Earl Hickey: Kinda like ET when they found him by the river.

Randy: That poor little monkey, he just wanted to phone home.

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Gwen's Dad: [to Randy, who is helping him get dressed by attempting to pull up his pants] You pull 'em up, I'll poop 'em!

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Randy: I might have locked him in there with the keys.

Earl Hickey: That's all right, Randy. He won't get far. He doesn't know you're supposed to put your foot over the hole in the floor to keep the exhaust out.

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Joy: [trips over a painting of "The Last Supper"] Dammit! Who left Jesus and his buddies down here?

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Darnell Turner: Hey guys!

Earl HickeyRandy HickeyCatalina: Hey Crabman!

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Joy Turner: You cheatin' son of a bitch! You're supposed to say "Uno" when you only got one card left!

Earl Hickey: I said "One"!

Joy Turner: You're supposed to say "Uno"! It's a Mexican game!

Earl Hickey: Joy, this is why the kids won't play Candyland with you anymore.

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Darnell Turner: [finding a hole in the wall behind a Last Supper picture] I can't believe there's a hole behind this picture. That's a relief... last week it was banging on the wall, and I thought Jesus was mad at me for putting that Darwin fish on the back of the car. Guess it was just windy.

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Joy Turner: Oh, snap! Earl's drivers licence! I'm holding onto this for a rainy day.

Darnell Turner: Too bad it didn't thunder when you said that. That woulda been cool, like you're an evil genius or something.

Joy Turner: That would have been cool.

[holds the licence up and shouts]

Joy Turner: I'm holding on to this for a rainy day!

Darnell Turner: I think you need clouds to thunder.

Joy Turner: [gasps] Look at that bird up there! How the hell do they stay up there like that?

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[Earl and Randy are watching a drunk man attempting to plug a lightbulb attached to an electrical cord into a tree]

Randy: I bet he's had twenty beers today. That's how many I had when I tried to plug the television into that dog.

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Randy: Uh... before, when you said different cavity, did you mean butt cavity?

Earl: I'm afraid so, Randy.

Randy: [shaking head] Sometimes I don't like the world we live in.

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Gwen Waters: Look, just forget about this okay. It's not your fault, you were just the straw that broke the camel's back.

Earl Hickey: But that's the thing: I'm the straw. Without the straw, the camel wouldn't have a broken back.

Gwen Waters: Yes, but if you remove the straw from the camel's back, that doesn't fix it. The camel is still dead.

[not knowing what to say, Earl pauses a bit to think]

Earl Hickey: Camels can go forty days without water.

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Earl Hickey: [about two worms on the ground] Hey, that one looks kinda angry... maybe we should cut him in half and make him fight himself.

Randy Hickey: I don't think that'd work. If you cut me in half I wouldn't fight with my legs, I'd try to work with them and get us to a hospital.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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