Balki Bartokomous: [on the phone] Well, I guess that would depend on what you plumbers would consider an emergency... Did you see the Poseidon Adventure?
Balki Bartokomous: Uh, Cousin... I'm sure I'm wrong but I could have sworn that I heard you call and cancel the plumber.
Larry Appleton: I did.
Balki Bartokomous: I see, well, I'm very sure I'm wrong but I could have sworn that I heard you tell the plumber you were going to put on the shower head yourself.
Larry Appleton: I am.
Balki Bartokomous: I see, well, in that case, may I invite my friends over to watch? Because when it comes to plumbing, you don't know Bo Diddley.
Larry Appleton: I'll hold the wrench, you've got the hammer. When I nod my head, you hit it.
Balki Bartokomous: [incredulously] Come again?
Larry Appleton: When I nod my head, you hit it.
Balki Bartokomous: [appalled] I can't do that!
Larry Appleton: Balki, don't make this complicated. I'll hold the wrench. You've got the hammer. When I nod my head, you hit it. You hit it!
[Balki starts to cry, and clutches the hammer nervously]
Larry Appleton: Now do you understand?
Balki Bartokomous: [sobbing] Yes!
Larry Appleton: Ready?
Balki Bartokomous: [still crying] Yes!
[Balki steps into position and raises the hammer. He waits for Larry's cue. Larry nods. Balki swings the hammer back, aiming at Larry's head]
Larry Appleton: WAIT!
[Balki stands with the hammer raised, confused]
Larry Appleton: What are you doing?
[Balki lowers the hammer]
Balki Bartokomous: [choked] You said that when you nod your head I'm supposed to hit it.
Larry Appleton: The WRENCH! HIT THE WRENCH!
[He snatches the hammer from his confused cousin's hand. He places a hand to his head, frustrated]
Larry Appleton: I'll do it myself.
Balki Bartokomous: Good, because I am emotionally drained.
[He turns away to cry quietly]
Balki Bartokomous: What do the directions say?
Larry Appleton: [haughtily] Directions? I threw them out. My father has made it through his whole life without ever reading a set of directions. He once rewired the entire house without directions.
Balki Bartokomous: Isn't that the house that burned to the ground?
Larry Appleton: [defensively] They never proved it was the wiring.