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"Perfect Strangers" Pipe Dreams (TV Episode 1988) Poster

(TV Series)

(1988)

Quotes

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Balki Bartokomous: [on the phone] Well, I guess that would depend on what you plumbers would consider an emergency... Did you see the Poseidon Adventure?

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Balki Bartokomous: Uh, Cousin... I'm sure I'm wrong but I could have sworn that I heard you call and cancel the plumber.

Larry Appleton: I did.

Balki Bartokomous: I see, well, I'm very sure I'm wrong but I could have sworn that I heard you tell the plumber you were going to put on the shower head yourself.

Larry Appleton: I am.

Balki Bartokomous: I see, well, in that case, may I invite my friends over to watch? Because when it comes to plumbing, you don't know Bo Diddley.

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Larry Appleton: I'll hold the wrench, you've got the hammer. When I nod my head, you hit it.

Balki Bartokomous: [incredulously] Come again?

Larry Appleton: When I nod my head, you hit it.

Balki Bartokomous: [appalled] I can't do that!

Larry Appleton: Balki, don't make this complicated. I'll hold the wrench. You've got the hammer. When I nod my head, you hit it. You hit it!

[Balki starts to cry, and clutches the hammer nervously]

Larry Appleton: Now do you understand?

Balki Bartokomous: [sobbing] Yes!

Larry Appleton: Ready?

Balki Bartokomous: [still crying] Yes!

[Balki steps into position and raises the hammer. He waits for Larry's cue. Larry nods. Balki swings the hammer back, aiming at Larry's head]

Larry Appleton: WAIT!

[Balki stands with the hammer raised, confused]

Larry Appleton: What are you doing?

[Balki lowers the hammer]

Balki Bartokomous: [choked] You said that when you nod your head I'm supposed to hit it.

Larry Appleton: The WRENCH! HIT THE WRENCH!

[He snatches the hammer from his confused cousin's hand. He places a hand to his head, frustrated]

Larry Appleton: I'll do it myself.

Balki Bartokomous: Good, because I am emotionally drained.

[He turns away to cry quietly]

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Balki Bartokomous: What do the directions say?

Larry Appleton: [haughtily] Directions? I threw them out. My father has made it through his whole life without ever reading a set of directions. He once rewired the entire house without directions.

Balki Bartokomous: Isn't that the house that burned to the ground?

Larry Appleton: [defensively] They never proved it was the wiring.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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