Meet Dave (2008)
Captain: I am Dave Ming Chang.
No. 3 - Cultural Officer: I am Dave Ming Chang.
Various crew members: I am Dave Ming Chang.
No. 4 - Security Officer: And I am Johnny Dazzle!
[everyone stares at him.]
No. 4 - Security Officer: What? Not everyone has to be Dave Ming Chang.
Gina Morrison: [Dave is looking at a picture of Gina's late husband.] Captain?
Gina Morrison: That's my husband. He was a captain with the Navy.
Dave: I am a captain.
Gina Morrison: Really? A captain of what?
[Inside the ship, Number 3 looks something up.]
Dave: I am a captain of crunch.
[in an alley outside Gina's apartment sometime after she hits Dave with her car]
Gina Morrison: Hi, are you all right? Because you just ran off!
Captain: Contact, everyone! Our first verbal encounter!
Captain: Thank you for your concern.
Dave: [speaks with extremely high pitch; bottles explode in background]
Captain: It's way too high! More bass!
Dave: [speaks in extremely low pitch]
Captain: Level the frequency!
Dave: [speaking perfectly] I'm all better now.
Josh: [to Gina] How hard did you hit this guy?
Captain: Lieutenant Bottoms, what is your status?
Lieutenant Bottoms: Captain, we had a small gas leak. It was silent, but not deadly.
Gina Morrison: I'm Gina, by the way. Gina Morrison.
[pauses, waiting for him to tell her his name.]
Gina Morrison: And you are?
No. 3 - Cultural Officer: This is a list of the most common names on this planet.
Captain: My name is...
Dave: Ming Chang.
Gina Morrison: Ming Chang?
Gina Morrison: Sorry, sorry, you just struck me more like a "Dave" or something.
Dave: Which happens to be my other name.
Gina Morrison: Dave...Ming Chang?
Dave: Dave Ming Chang.
[Number 17 has jumped out of Dave's ear and fallen into a cup of coffee after Number 2 takes over Dave and goes crazy]
Dooley: Are you...with Dave?
No. 17: No, no, no, I come free with a vente latte!
Dooley: Come on, this is gonna be great, a fireball? How often do we get a call like that?
Knox: Do me a favor, OK? Act like a cop and stop caring.
[after hitting Dave with her car.]
Gina Morrison: Please don't be dead.
Captain: Number 3, do we have significant linguistic information to communicate with these natives?
No. 3 - Cultural Officer: Yes, I tapped into their central planetary database named "Google."
Captain: What a frivolous name for such a vital function.
No. 3 - Cultural Officer: Well, if you prefer, there's another called "Ya Hoo."
[Gina holds Josh's head, kissing him repeatedly as he struggles]
No. 2 - 2nd In Command: See how she squeezes the smaller one's skull despite his protests. Such brutality!
Gina Morrison: Dave, I feel just terrible about this whole thing...uh, and I was gonna have some breakfast. Would you like to join me?
Dave: No, I really have to be going now.
Gina Morrison: Are you sure? I mean, I sort of have a rule that when I hit somebody with my car, I need to make them breakfast!
[she laughs, Dave doesn't.]
Gina Morrison: That was a joke.
Dave: [blankly] Hahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahaha ahaha ha hahahahahahahaha. Woo-hoo, woo!
Gina Morrison: So, where are you from? Do you live around here?
Dave: Yes, of course. I am just a regular person from right here on Earth, just like you. I just don't get out that much.
Gina Morrison: Yeah, judging from your suit, I'd say since about 1978.
Captain: Note: all-white apparel is not as standardized as we thought.
Gina Morrison: [laughing] You late for a Bee Gees concert or something?
Dave: Bee Gees. Barry, Robin and Maurice. The brothers Gibb. Winning ten Grammy Awards and selling over 100 million records.
Dave: [high-pitched, fast singing] Well, you can tell by the way I can use my walk / I'm a woman's man, no time to talk / Eh, Eh, Eh, Eh, Stayin' Alive / Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
[they finish watching "It's a Wonderful Life."]
Captain: [crying] "Lasso the moon". Physically impossible!
No. 3 - Cultural Officer: [crying] Absurd.
[Dave is dancing with Gina]
No. 2 - 2nd In Command: Sir, we already have the orb. There's no need to continue this charade.
Captain: Not now, Number 2! I'm trying to let the music take me!
[taking charge of Dave through mutiny and doing a lot of damage to the city]
No. 2 - 2nd In Command: Sometimes Number 2 happens!
No. 3 - Cultural Officer: I didn't think we'd make it out of there, Captain. Good thing you have such big feet.
Captain: We'll have much to explain when we return home.
No. 3 - Cultural Officer: We'll find another way to save Nil. There are plenty of worlds out there for us to explore.
Captain: Yes, Number 3. But what we learned on Earth is more valuable than all the salt in the galaxy. And when we do return, it looks like I'll be needing a new Number 2.
No. 3 - Cultural Officer: I think you'll be needing more than that.
[they kiss; the crew cheers]
Captain: Cue the new anthem.
Police Sergeant: Knox, Dooley, got a report on some kind of fireball or something like that over on Liberty Island. Check it out.
Dooley: A fireball? Ho, we'll get right on it.
Knox: Sarg, can't you get somebody else to handle it? Come on, we just pulled an all-nighter.
Police Sergeant: [sarcastically] Aw, I'm so sorry, Mr. Knox. Tell you what, lie down in my office and I'll come by with your blankie and you can get yourself a nice nap.
Department of Defense worker: Dude, dude...no, I was like..."Yes, we *do* have nuclear missiles", and he was all like "No, you don't", and I was all like "Yes, we do." "Whatever." And I was like "Well, what part of 'whatever' do you not get?"
Captain: [after getting knocked out by a baseball and is shocked with a defibrillator] Power has been restored!