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"Doctor Who" The Idiot's Lantern (TV Episode 2006) Poster

(TV Series)

(2006)

Quotes

Showing all 17 items

Eddie: [Loud] I AM TALKING!

The Doctor: [Louder] AND I'M NOT LISTENING!

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Bishop: Start from the beginning. Tell me everything you know.

The Doctor: Well, for starters, I know... you can't wrap your hand round your elbow and make your fingers meet.

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Eddie: Don't mind the wife, she rattles on a bit.

The Doctor: Well maybe she should rattle on a bit more. I'm not convinced you're doing your patriotic duty. Those flags. Why are they not flying?

Eddie: There we are Rita, I told you. Get them up, Queen and country!

Rita: I'm sorry.

Eddie: Get it done. Do it now.

The Doctor: Hold on a minute.

Eddie: Like the gentleman says.

The Doctor: Hold on a minute. You've got hands, Mr Connolly. Two big hands. So why's that your wifes job?

Eddie: Well it's housework, isn't it?

The Doctor: And that's a womans job?

Eddie: Course it is!

The Doctor: Mr Connolly, what gender is the Queen?

Eddie: She's a female.

The Doctor: And are you suggesting the Queen does the housework?

Eddie: No! No, not at all.

The Doctor: Then get busy!

Eddie: Right, yes sir. You'll be proud of us sir. We'll have Union Jacks left, right, and centre.

Rose: 'Scuse me Mr Connolly, hang on a minute. Union Jacks?

Eddie: Yes, that's right, isn't it?

Rose: That's the Union Flag. It's the Union Jack only when it's flown at sea.

Eddie: Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. I... I do apologise.

Rose: Well, don't get it wrong again. There's a good man, now get to it!

The Doctor: Right then! Nice and comfy, at Her Majesty's Leisure.

[to Rose]

The Doctor: Union Flag?

Rose: Mum went out with a sailor.

The Doctor: Oh, I bet she did.

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Policeman: [the Doctor flashes the Psychic Paper at him] Oh... sorry sir. Shouldn't you be at the Coronation?

The Doctor: [looks back whilst running] They're saving me a seat!

Tommy: Who did he think you were?

The Doctor: [looking at the Psychic Paper] King of Belgium, apparently.

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The Doctor: They did what?

Bishop: I'm sorry?

The Doctor: They left her where?

Bishop: Just... in the street.

The Doctor: The street. They left her in the street. They took her face, and just chucked her out and left her in the street. And as a result, that makes things... simple. Very, very simple. Do you know why?

Bishop: No.

The Doctor: Because now, Detective Inspector Bishop, there is no power on this earth that can stop me!

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The Doctor: Lost them. How could they get away from us?

Rose: I'm surprised they didn't turn back and arrest you for reckless driving. Have you actually passed your test?

The Doctor: Men in black? Vanishing police cars? This is Churchill's England, not Stalin's Russia!

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Eddie: You! Get the hell out of my house!

Rose: I'm going, I'm done! Nice to meet you Tommy. Mrs Connolly. And as for you Mr Connolly, only an idiot hangs the Union Flag upside down. Shame on you!

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[knock, door opens]

Crabtree: Found another one, sir.

Bishop: Oh, good man, Crabtree.

[the Doctor looks up, sees Crabtree with a blanket-covered person in a familiar pink skirt and pink heels]

Bishop: Here we are, Doctor. Take a good look. See what you can deduce.

[Crabtree removes the blanket. Blond hair, pink hairband-]

The Doctor: Rose.

Bishop: You know her?

The Doctor: Know her? She...

[It is quite definitely Rose Tyler. Same hairstyle, earrings, clothes, everything save her facial features: from her brow to her chin they are all smoothed away, with only the vaguest shadows on the skin to suggest what used to be there. She seems completely unaware of everything, like she's asleep on her feet. She'd be staring out at nothing if she still had eyes. As the Doctor takes this in, he barely hears what the detectives say]

Crabtree: [distantly] They found her in the street, apparently, over at Leicester Square, abandoned.

Bishop: [distantly] That's unusual, that's the first one out in the open. Heaven help us if something happens in public tomorrow for the big day. We'll have Torchwood on our backs then, make no mistake.

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Tommy: We don't even know where to start looking. It's too late.

The Doctor: "It's never too late," as a wise person once said. Kylie, I think.

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RoseThe Doctor: Hi!

Eddie: Who are you then?

The Doctor: Let's see then, judging by the look of you, family man, nice house, decent wage, fought in the war, therefore I represent Queen and country! Just doing a little check of her forthcoming Majesty's subjects before the great day. Don't mind if we come in? Nah, didn't think you did.

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Eddie: [realizing that Doctor's getting information that he wants to keep confidential] Hold on a minute. Queen and country's one thing, but this is my house! What the... what the hell am I doing?

[advances on the Doctor]

Eddie: [angry] Now listen here, Doctor. You may have fancy qualifications, but what goes on under my roof is my business!

The Doctor: A lot of people are being bundled...

Eddie: [fiercely] I am talking!

The Doctor: [stands up and matches Eddie] AND I'M NOT LISTENING! Now YOU, Mr Connolly, you are staring into a deep dark *pit* of trouble if you don't let me help! So I'm ordering you, SIR! Tell me what's going on!

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The Wire: Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.

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The Doctor: [after breaking into Magpie's shop] If you're here, come out and talk to me! MAGPIE!

Tommy: Maybe he's out?

The Doctor: Looks like it.

[finds a small black box resembling an old portable TV]

The Doctor: Oh, hello. This isn't right. This is very much not right.

[licks it]

The Doctor: Tastes like iron. Bakelite. Put together with human hands, yes, but the design itself...

[scans it with his Sonic Screwdriver]

The Doctor: Oh, beautiful work! That is so simple!

Bishop: That's incredible, it's like a television, but portable! A portable television!

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Magpie: What do you think you're doing?

The Doctor: I want my friend restored, and I think that's beyond a little backstreet electrician, so tell me, who's really in charge here?

The Wire: Yoo-hoo! I think that must be me.

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Tommy: What are you?

The Wire: I'm the Wire. And I will gobble you up, pretty boy. Every last morsel.

[the TV image becomes colour]

The Wire: And when I have feasted, I shall regain the corporeal body which my fellow kind denied me.

Bishop: Good Lord! Colour television!

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The Doctor: Been burning the candle at both ends? You've overextended yourself, missus! You shouldn't have had a crack at poor old Magpie like that!

[the Wire electrocutes the Doctor through the portable TV]

The Wire: Hahahahaha!

The Doctor: [immediately fine] Rubber soles! Swear by 'em!

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Magpie: You promised me peace!

The Wire: Then peace you shall have.

The Wire: [disintegrates him]

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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