(TV Series)


Dan Tullis Jr.: Prison Guard


  • Prison Guard : How many times I gotta tell you, don't call me "Screw".

    'Divine Rod' Petrie : I wasn't calling you Screw. I was just remembering the good old days on the outside when that's what I used to do for a living.

  • 'Divine Rod' Petrie : Do you know who I am? My given name is Rod Petrie, but I was reborn. I am the Divine Rod. I used to have a cult of twenty of God's hottest creatures. People used to pay to see me bang 'em on the Internet.

    Prison Guard : So what happened?

    'Divine Rod' Petrie : Well, I'll tell you what happened. I was right in the middle of a highly spiritual pay-per-view event. Just about to pop a smokin' virgin named B.J. when out of nowhere...

    Notch Johnson : [flashback]  That's far enough, cult leader!

    'Divine Rod' Petrie : It's Notch Johnson. He ruined everything! But as Isaiah said to Thomas, "My kingdom shall riseth from the asheths." See, I'm gonna get that Notch Johnson. I'm gonna get my sweet B.J. I'm gonna get my cult back. And then I'm gonna get my funk on.

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