Homer Simpson : [chops down a door a la The Shining] Heeeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!
[there's no one in the room]
Homer Simpson : D'oh!
[chops down another door]
Homer Simpson : Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaavid Letterman!
Grandpa Simpson : Hi, David, I'm Grampa.
Homer Simpson : D'oh!
[chops down another door and holds a stopwatch]
Homer Simpson : I'm Mike Wallace, I'm Morley Safer, and I'm Ed Bradley. All this and Andy Rooney tonight on 60 Minutes!
[Marge enters a large room, with a typewriter in the middle]
Marge Simpson : Homer? Homey?
[sees the typewriter]
Marge Simpson : Hum, what he's typing will be a window into his madness.
[approaches the typewriter and reads:]
Marge Simpson : 'Feelin' fine.' Well, that's a relief.
[Lightning flashes and illuminates the room, showing "NO TV AND NO BEER MAKE HOMER GO CRAZY" scrawled again and again all over the walls in wild letters]
Marge Simpson : Mmm... this is less encouraging.
Lisa : Mom! Mom! You gotta help! They're cooking kids in the school cafeteria!
Marge Simpson : Listen, kids - you're eight and ten years old now; I can't be fighting all your battles for you.
Bart Simpson : But, mom!
Marge Simpson : Nobuts! You march right back to that school, look them straight in the eye and say 'Don't eat me'.
Marge Simpson : [emerges from behind a curtain] Hello, once again. As usual, I must warn you that this year's Halloween show is very, very scary, and those of you with young children may want to send them off to bed, a...
[someone hands her a note, which she reads]
Marge Simpson : Oh, my. It seems the show is so scary, that Congress won't even let us show it. Instead, they've suggested the 1941 Glenn Ford movie, "200 Miles to Oregon".
[a scene from the movie plays and then is cut off with a flash. The flash then turns into a speech waveform]
Bart Simpson : There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust your picture. *We* are controlling the transmission.
Homer Simpson : What's that, boy? We're in control? Hey, look! I can see my voice!
[chuckles, and begins vocalizing to experiment with the waveform]
Homer Simpson : Brrrrrr! Hee! Heeee! Blub-blub-blub-blub-blub! This. Is-my-voice. On Tee-Vee...!
Bart Simpson : DAD! You're ruining the mood!
Homer Simpson : Sorry.
Bart Simpson : For the next half-hour, we will control what you see and hear. You are about to experience the terror and foul horror of...
[the waveform morphs into outline of the family]
Bart Simpson : The Simpsons Halloween Special.
Marge : [Bart awakens from a nightmare] Relax, honey. You were just having a crazy nightmare. You're back home with your family now, where there's nothing to be afraid of... except that fog that turns people inside out.
Bart : Huh?
Homer : [the fog starts coming in] Uh-oh, it's seeping in. STUPID CHEAP WEATHER STRIPPING!
[everyone screams as the fog turns them inside out; then they stop screaming, looking at each other. Music plays, and they start dancing and singing]
Groundskeeper Willie : [Willy, also turned inside out, jumps on stage] Too...!
Marge , Bart , Homer , Lisa , Groundskeeper Willie : Many dancing people, covered in blood, gore, and glop!/Just one sniff of that fog and you're inside out!/It's worse than that flesh-eating virus you've read about!/Vital organs, they are what we're dressed in, the family dog is eyeing Bart's intestine!/Happy Halloween!
Homer Simpson : [Homer is slowly being driven mad by the lack of beer and TV at the lodge] I'll kill you! I'll kill all of you!
Marge Simpson : Homer!
Homer Simpson : Sorry. Sorry. Don't worry. There's plenty I can do to keep myself occupied. Maybe I'll check out that axe collection?
[he leaves the kitchen but then pokes his head around the door jamb with a sinister smile]
Homer Simpson : See ya later.
Lisa Simpson : Mom, is Dad gonna' kill us?
Marge Simpson : [not too concerned yet] We're just gonna' have to wait and see.