Big Daddy: It's the Chief! I s'pose I'd best to run. Lord have mercy, how I wish I weren't so fat!
Moe: Hey, I don't need no advice from a pinball machine. I'll have you know, I wrote the book on love.
Grampa: Yeah - "All Quiet on the Western Front".
Chief Wiggum: Oh, man, what a day. It's no cakewalk being a single parent, juggling a career and family like so many juggling balls... two, I suppose.
[Ralph is lying in bed]
Ralph: Daddy, these rubber pants are hot.
Chief Wiggum: You'll wear 'em till you learn, son.
Moe: All right, I guess I might as well come clean. I'm not real good with women, and I really wanted to do ya, so I brought along the love tester to help me. As you may have guessed, it's possessed by the dead spirit of my best friend's father.
Big Daddy: New Orleans is my town. Nobody going to mess with me. I got interests, and I ain't talking about stamp collecting, though I do find that extremely interesting.
Seymour Skinner: Oh yeah, well that makes two of us.
Grampa: [delirious after the bullies beat up the machine] Tell her her rump's as big as the Queen's. And twice as fragrant!