[speaking at Ian's grave]
Randi Wallace: It's been hard without you, Ian. I feel so... lost and alone. You see, I could face my curse before because I knew you were always going to be there, you know, when I changed and when I came back. I don't know if I can make it without you. I don't know if I want to. Well, goodbye, Ian.
Randi Wallace: Who in the hell do you think you are?
Charlie Bodine: My flight was fine, thank you, though the jet lag is killing me.
Randi Wallace: Not before I do, it won't.
[Ian's corpse has risen from his grave]
Dr. Ian Matheson: Shh! It's me!
Randi Wallace: But you're dead!
Dr. Ian Matheson: I'm not thrilled about it, either.
Randi Wallace: I'll help you find a cure for this, I promise.
Dr. Ian Matheson: Sounds familiar.
Randi Wallace: Now we have something in common.
Dr. Ian Matheson: I'm dead, you're a werewolf... what a delightful couple. Imagine our children.
Samantha Stevens: So glad you decided to publish... and perish.
Dr. Ian Matheson: I always thought of hell as an eternal faculty meeting listening to your jokes. It seems I was right.
Samantha Stevens: I have plans for you.
Dr. Ian Matheson: I'll die first!
Samantha Stevens: You already have.
[Randi is leading a tour in the British Museum]
Charlie Bodine: Randi, what are you doing here?
Randi Wallace: I'm fascinated with Gilgamesh.
Charlie Bodine: So, see the movie. It will be out next Christmas - you're going to love the car chase through the Vatican.
[Randi has been captured and tied to an altar]
Samantha Stevens: I'm so glad you could make it. The ceremony requires a human sacrifice. We didn't have a chance to send out invitations.
Samantha Stevens: Why despair? You are about to take part in a monumental event - my ascension to power and complete dominion over the dead!
Randi Wallace: I'd rather watch.
[Ian has vanquished the zombies and rescued Randi]
Randi Wallace: Ian, I don't know about you, but I am just dead.
Mum Matheson: Do you think it's possible to come back from the dead?
Julian Matheson: Donny Osmond did.
Dr. Ian Matheson: I knew that Dr. Stevens was after the lightning bolt, but I couldn't prove it so I faked my own death and dogged her every move.
Aunt Elsa: Well, why didn't you go to the police?
Dr. Ian Matheson: And say what? That the respected scholar who just fired me was plotting to steal the British Museum's most-prized antiquity?
Mum Matheson: Yes! And the next time you're dead, you better be or I'll kill you myself!
Randi Wallace: You leaving?
Charlie Bodine: Yeah. I've been here a couple of weeks - in Hollywood time, that's a couple of centuries - so I want to get back before I'm ancient history.
[discussing Ian's new movie script]
Randi Wallace: So, am I in it?
Dr. Ian Matheson: In a big way, but you'll have to wait to see it on the silver screen.
[Randi grabs Ian's script and begins to read]
Randi Wallace: "Randi enters the classroom in her typically clumsy manner."
Dr. Ian Matheson: It's a rough draft.
Randi Wallace: "She can't take her eyes off him as she settles in her desk. Her large full breasts..." Ugh.
Dr. Ian Matheson: Very rough.
Randi Wallace: "... heaving with each wanton, lusty breath of unrequited desire."
Dr. Ian Matheson: I said your part was a big one.
Randi Wallace: Well, it's about to be cut.
[Randi tears the script to shreds]
[Ian has just recapped the previous week's episode, including his murder and Randi's abduction]
Dr. Ian Matheson: [narrating] All in all, I've had better weeks.
[due to Randi's rampage as a werewolf, her plane has made an emergency landing]
Annie: You're impeding the orderly deplaning of the passengers.
Charlie Bodine: I'm looking for my girlfriend.
Annie: Look for her *outside* the plane.
Charlie Bodine: Don't mess with me, honey. I'm a Prestige Club Frequent Flyer, all right?
Annie: And I'm a ticked-off black belt!