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[speaking at Ian's grave]

Randi Wallace: It's been hard without you, Ian. I feel so... lost and alone. You see, I could face my curse before because I knew you were always going to be there, you know, when I changed and when I came back. I don't know if I can make it without you. I don't know if I want to. Well, goodbye, Ian.

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Randi Wallace: Who in the hell do you think you are?

Charlie Bodine: My flight was fine, thank you, though the jet lag is killing me.

Randi Wallace: Not before I do, it won't.

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[Ian's corpse has risen from his grave]

Dr. Ian Matheson: Shh! It's me!

Randi Wallace: But you're dead!

Dr. Ian Matheson: I'm not thrilled about it, either.

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Randi Wallace: I'll help you find a cure for this, I promise.

Dr. Ian Matheson: Sounds familiar.

Randi Wallace: Now we have something in common.

Dr. Ian Matheson: I'm dead, you're a werewolf... what a delightful couple. Imagine our children.

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Samantha Stevens: So glad you decided to publish... and perish.

Dr. Ian Matheson: I always thought of hell as an eternal faculty meeting listening to your jokes. It seems I was right.

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Samantha Stevens: I have plans for you.

Dr. Ian Matheson: I'll die first!

Samantha Stevens: You already have.

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[Randi is leading a tour in the British Museum]

Charlie Bodine: Randi, what are you doing here?

Randi Wallace: I'm fascinated with Gilgamesh.

Charlie Bodine: So, see the movie. It will be out next Christmas - you're going to love the car chase through the Vatican.

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[Randi has been captured and tied to an altar]

Samantha Stevens: I'm so glad you could make it. The ceremony requires a human sacrifice. We didn't have a chance to send out invitations.

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Samantha Stevens: Why despair? You are about to take part in a monumental event - my ascension to power and complete dominion over the dead!

Randi Wallace: I'd rather watch.

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[Ian has vanquished the zombies and rescued Randi]

Randi Wallace: Ian, I don't know about you, but I am just dead.

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Mum Matheson: Do you think it's possible to come back from the dead?

Julian Matheson: Donny Osmond did.

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Dr. Ian Matheson: I knew that Dr. Stevens was after the lightning bolt, but I couldn't prove it so I faked my own death and dogged her every move.

Aunt Elsa: Well, why didn't you go to the police?

Dr. Ian Matheson: And say what? That the respected scholar who just fired me was plotting to steal the British Museum's most-prized antiquity?

Mum Matheson: Yes! And the next time you're dead, you better be or I'll kill you myself!

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Randi Wallace: You leaving?

Charlie Bodine: Yeah. I've been here a couple of weeks - in Hollywood time, that's a couple of centuries - so I want to get back before I'm ancient history.

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[last lines]

[discussing Ian's new movie script]

Randi Wallace: So, am I in it?

Dr. Ian Matheson: In a big way, but you'll have to wait to see it on the silver screen.

[Randi grabs Ian's script and begins to read]

Randi Wallace: "Randi enters the classroom in her typically clumsy manner."

Dr. Ian Matheson: It's a rough draft.

Randi Wallace: "She can't take her eyes off him as she settles in her desk. Her large full breasts..." Ugh.

Dr. Ian Matheson: Very rough.

Randi Wallace: "... heaving with each wanton, lusty breath of unrequited desire."

Dr. Ian Matheson: I said your part was a big one.

Randi Wallace: Well, it's about to be cut.

[Randi tears the script to shreds]

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[Ian has just recapped the previous week's episode, including his murder and Randi's abduction]

Dr. Ian Matheson: [narrating] All in all, I've had better weeks.

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[due to Randi's rampage as a werewolf, her plane has made an emergency landing]

Annie: You're impeding the orderly deplaning of the passengers.

Charlie Bodine: I'm looking for my girlfriend.

Annie: Look for her *outside* the plane.

Charlie Bodine: Don't mess with me, honey. I'm a Prestige Club Frequent Flyer, all right?

Annie: And I'm a ticked-off black belt!

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