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"NewsRadio" Smoking (TV Episode 1995) Poster

(TV Series)

(1995)

Quotes

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Dave: Hey I have an idea. I'll give up coffee, if you give up cigarettes. Huh? We'll go through this together.

Bill: But you should have to give up something of equal difficulty. Like going to the bathroom.

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Dave: I'm Bill, we are now officially a non-smoking office. What you are doing can be punishable by a 100 dollar fine.

Bill: You're kidding.

Dave: No, I am not kidding.

[Bill hands Dave a $100 bill]

Dave: Bill that's not how it's supposed to work. Now put that out.

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Bill: It smells like an ashtray when I pee. Is there anything you can do to help with that?

Dave: Gosh, I hope not.

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Bill: [drinking coffee in Dave's office] You don't mind, do ya?

Dave: Oh, no, gosh no, Bill, please enjoy!

Bill: Ah, the ol' Java Jive. Chock Full o' Nuts? They should call it Chock Full o' Flavor!

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Dave: Here Bill I want you to put one of these on your back.

[Takes a nicotine patch out of a paper bag]

Bill: What is it?

Dave: It's the patch.

Lisa: Don't you need a prescription for those?

Dave: Yeah, I went to my doctor this morning and had him prescribe them for me.

Lisa: But you don't smoke.

Dave: Yeah, but I told him that I was thinking about starting. You know, I don't think he's a very good doctor.

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Dave: I just didn't realize the Patch had side effects.

Bill: And I didn't know you're only supposed to wear one at a time.

Dave: [surprised] How many did you have on, Bill?

Bill: Fifteen, sixteen. Had 'em going around my waist like a little belt.

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Jimmy: I support fire safety. But you see those sprinklers up there? They're not hooked up to anything. I paid a guy off and had my nephew come in and super-glue them to the ceiling. New York, New York it's a hell of a town.

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Jimmy: You know I thank God everyday that we're not a TV station.

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[Bill has returned from an overnight stay in the hospital]

Jimmy: Hey there. How you feeling?

Bill: Good, thanks.

Jimmy: Feel like suing the station?

Bill: No.

Jimmy: Good... I gotta go.

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Dave: Mr. James, I didn't see you come in.

Jimmy: Yeah, I like it that way. Like that magician...

Dave: David Copperfield?

Jimmy: No.

Dave: Siegfried?

Jimmy: No.

Dave: Roy?

Jimmy: That's the one.

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Dave: Hey Bill, I'm your friend.

Bill: Oh yeah? Where were you last night at 3 A.M. when I was watching Steel Magnolias and crying my eyes out?

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Dave: You know, I'm not sure what exactly it is that caffeine does for you, but I'm pretty sure without it your head caves in.

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