"NewsRadio" Smoking (TV Episode 1995) Poster

(TV Series)


Phil Hartman: Bill McNeal



  • Dave : Hey I have an idea. I'll give up coffee, if you give up cigarettes. Huh? We'll go through this together.

    Bill : But you should have to give up something of equal difficulty. Like going to the bathroom.

  • Dave : I'm Bill, we are now officially a non-smoking office. What you are doing can be punishable by a 100 dollar fine.

    Bill : You're kidding.

    Dave : No, I am not kidding.

    [Bill hands Dave a $100 bill] 

    Dave : Bill that's not how it's supposed to work. Now put that out.

  • Bill : It smells like an ashtray when I pee. Is there anything you can do to help with that?

    Dave : Gosh, I hope not.

  • Bill : [drinking coffee in Dave's office]  You don't mind, do ya?

    Dave : Oh, no, gosh no, Bill, please enjoy!

    Bill : Ah, the ol' Java Jive. Chock Full o' Nuts? They should call it Chock Full o' Flavor!

  • Dave : Here Bill I want you to put one of these on your back.

    [Takes a nicotine patch out of a paper bag] 

    Bill : What is it?

    Dave : It's the patch.

    Lisa : Don't you need a prescription for those?

    Dave : Yeah, I went to my doctor this morning and had him prescribe them for me.

    Lisa : But you don't smoke.

    Dave : Yeah, but I told him that I was thinking about starting. You know, I don't think he's a very good doctor.

  • Dave : I just didn't realize the Patch had side effects.

    Bill : And I didn't know you're only supposed to wear one at a time.

    Dave : [surprised]  How many did you have on, Bill?

    Bill : Fifteen, sixteen. Had 'em going around my waist like a little belt.

  • [Bill has returned from an overnight stay in the hospital] 

    Jimmy : Hey there. How you feeling?

    Bill : Good, thanks.

    Jimmy : Feel like suing the station?

    Bill : No.

    Jimmy : Good... I gotta go.

  • Dave : Hey Bill, I'm your friend.

    Bill : Oh yeah? Where were you last night at 3 A.M. when I was watching Steel Magnolias and crying my eyes out?

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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