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"Monk" Mr. Monk and the Missing Granny (TV Episode 2004) Poster

Quotes

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[an old woman, actually Randy wearing a wig and some makeup, walks up to Monk and Sharona at the homeless shelter's serving counter]

Adrian Monk: Oh my god!

Sharona Fleming: [seeing through the disguise] What are you supposed to be?

Lt. Randall Disher: I'm undercover. I'm homeless.

Sharona Fleming: What's that on your face?

Lt. Randall Disher: Dirt.

Sharona Fleming: [to Monk] Give the lady some gravy.

[Monk does so]

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Julie Parlo: [walks up to Stottlemeyer] Excuse me, Captain Stottlemeyer?

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yep.

Julie Parlo: Hi, I'm Julie Parlo. Uh, where is the FBI? This is a kidnapping. I happen to be a lawyer, so I know that in a kidnapping situation the FBI has jurisprudence.

Lt. Randall Disher: That's only true if your grandmother's been taken across the state lines...

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: ...or if she's been held for more than 24 hours. And I think you meant to say "jurisdiction." What kind of lawyer are you?

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Sharona Fleming: [8:27] Are you OK?

Lt. Randall Disher: She has a cat.

Sharona Fleming: Well why don't you tell her to bring it upstairs?

Lt. Randall Disher: No. No. It doesn't matter. If the cat's been in the house in the past year I can't stop sneezing.

Sharona Fleming: Really? Remind me to buy you a cat.

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Sharona Fleming: [11:30] This is crazy. What kind of ransom demand is this?

Adrian Monk: I know. The kidnappers are risking life in prison for what, $500 worth of food? I mean, the shelter on Third is serving turkey tonight, anyway.

Sharona Fleming: Well, we can't stand around here like this. We don't exactly blend in.

Adrian Monk: Do you have a suggestion?

Sharona Fleming: This is crazy.

Adrian Monk: It doesn't matter. I'm getting my badge back.

Sharona Fleming: I'll believe that when we see it. Julie Parlo didn't exactly seem like supreme court material.

Adrian Monk: Gravy?

Bearded Man: No thanks.

Adrian Monk: Everyone else is having gravy.

Bearded Man: I don't like it.

Adrian Monk: Why don't you have a little gravy?

Sharona Fleming: He doesn't want any gravy.

Adrian Monk: I think the gentleman can speak for himself.

Bearded Man: I don't want any gravy.

Adrian Monk: OK, enjoy your meal.

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Julie Parlo: [20:18] This is Adrian Monk & Sharona Fleming. This is my study group, Edie Rusher, Tom Burton, & Sascha Gordon.

Sharona Fleming: Are you studying in Spanish?

Tom Burton: Oh, yeah. I'm taking the next bar exam in Peru. It's all true or false down there.

Adrian Monk: Doesn't that mean you'll only be able to practice in Peru?

Tom Burton: Oh, geez.

Sharona Fleming: Do any of you have any professional experience yet?

Julie Parlo: Well we've done a lot of pro bono work.

Sascha Gordon: Last year we assisted in two death penalty cases: Sal Dickersen & Bill Jansen.

Adrian Monk: Dickerson & Jansen, weren't they...?

Sascha Gordon: I miss them every day.

Edie Rusher: That's how you learn: by making mistakes. Now we know if you're filing a stay of execution, you have to take into account daylight savings time.

Tom Burton: The law is hard, Mr. Monk. All these books, hmm? And there are more upstairs.

Adrian Monk: Um, about my reinstatement. You guys definitely talked in person to professor Eugene Emory?

Julie Parlo: Absolutely. Here's his notes right here. Professor Emory said it can't fail.

Adrian Monk: It can't fail.

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