The Joker : My poor, poor, Acey. All your life, people have been recoiling in fear from you. Oh, can I relate. Maybe that's why I'm the only one who's never been scared of you. You see, Ace can send out thought waves that alter perception. But enough with the jargon, she can make you crazy, just by looking at you, in person, or on TV. Even as I speak, millions of you slack-jawed couch potatoes are losing your grip on reality - which in my opinion is highly overrated anyway. But you can't look away, even though you know something's terribly wrong. And the best part, I'm immune to all this, because I'm already crazy. Turn it up, baby!
The Joker : Even you can't disarm one my bombs in time.
The Flash : Shut up!
The Joker : What kind of a retort is that? You're not even trying.
[Flash reaches for the blue wire]
The Joker : Not the blue one! You'll blow us all to smithereens!
[Pulls his hand back, then reaches back to the wires again]
The Joker : Seriously, you were right. Cut the black one. I mean, the red one. No, blue. That's it, black and yellow striped one. No, wait! Green.
[Once the bomb has 1 second left on the timer, Flash picks it up and runs offscreen with it, a distant explosion is heard, the Joker's studio shakes for a moment]
The Joker : What just happened?
Cameraman : He uh... I think...
The Joker : Get me an instant replay. Super slow motion.
[the cameras throughout town replay what Flash did in slow motion, showing that he ran out of the casino with the bomb, down the streets, then to the outskirts of Las Vegas before it went off]
The Joker : ... huh.
Ace : [after seeing Batman pull the headband that the government used on her long ago to block her abilities out of The Joker's pocket, she gets up and advances on him] I'm not afraid of you.
The Joker : [backs away] Wait, please...
Ace : I know what it's like to frighten other people. That's why I'm not afraid of you. I'm the only one.
The Joker : It's only a matter of time now, a few more minutes and millions of people are going to go...
[flips his lips]
The Joker : "b-b-b-b-b-b-b." and it's all because of you
[Leans close to Ace]
The Joker : . The best sidekick a homicidal maniac ever had.
Harley Quinn : [offscreen] What about me?
The Joker : Harley!
Harley Quinn : [Camera pans to reveal Harley Quinn standing in the nearby doorway, who then advances on The Joker] Yeah, Harley, you worthless two timing piece...
The Joker : Wait! Wait. We can't let everything we have be ruined by a silly misunderstanding.
Harley Quinn : And what is it that I'm not understanding?
The Joker : That we're two of a kind, that you'll always come back to me.
Harley Quinn : Yeah, I guess I do, don't I? But...
The Joker : Like the swallows in Capistrano, and there's one other thing you're not getting.
Harley Quinn : What?
The Joker : That you led Batman right to my doorstep!
Harley Quinn : Uh!
[She staggers backwards through a blackboard and to the floor, out cold]
The Joker : Tough love. Very effective, don't you think so, Batman? Yoo-hoo! Batman! I know you're here s-
[Batman punches him in the face from offscreen, knocking him onto his back]
The Joker : Oh!
[Gets up as Batman approaches]
The Joker : Oh, there you are. Acey, why don't you give him a piece of your mind?
[Ace looks to Batman and starts to use her perception altering powers on him]
The Joker : [singing to the tune of "London Bridge"] Big ol' Bats is fallin' down,/On the ground,/Mind unsound,/Big ol' Bats is fallin' down,/I'm so happy!
The Joker : Mush as I enjoy watching my pummel the Flash, I've learned from hard experience that it always pays to keep an eye on bat guano.