Maxwell Smart : 99, I'm positive that this is the section of the rail that gave way.
Agent 99 : I'm sure you're right, Max but look, there's not a sign of any damage.
Maxwell Smart : Yes, well just put two and two together and that means?
Agent 99 : That someone fixed it quietly during the night.
Maxwell Smart : Or else the entire ship has been replaced.
Maxwell Smart : [speaking on 99s portable hair dryer phone] Hello Chief, this is Max.
Chief : [on the other line] Max, are there any clues?
Maxwell Smart : No Chief, just that clip-clop sound I was telling you about.
Chief : Does anyone on board make that noise?
Maxwell Smart : Everyone on board makes that noise.
Agent 44 : [hiding in a funnel] What took you so long to get here?
Maxwell Smart : Well, first of all, we had to decode that secret message you left on the porthole.
Agent 44 : Was it hard? You know, secret messages are one of my specialties.
Maxwell Smart : I've seen harder...
Agent 99 : [lying] Max figured it out right away.
Agent 44 : You did? Well you wait until next time. I've got a humdinger. You'll never get it!
Maxwell Smart : What are you talking about, 44? What good is a secret message if n one cn understand it?
Agent 44 : Listen, 86, I don't have much fun on this job. There's no mingling with the glamorous passengers. No deck tennis. No gala evenings at the captain's table. No, no, not for me.
Maxwell Smart : Take it easy, 44, take it easy!
Agent 44 : I mean, a spy can only take so muuch. Funnels and portholes and sleeping in the cargo hold. Hiding, always hiding. I want to come in from the cold.
Maxwell Smart : [to Baccardo] Missed! And you're all out of wheelchairs.
Captain Groman : [Max is surprised to find out the Captain has a wooden leg] What's the matter sir, what are you staring at? Is it my leg?
Maxwell Smart : No, I've seen legs before. It's that wooden job I'm looking at.
Captain Groman : Ah yes, a souvenir of my younger years when I was still a lad.
Captain Groman : [picks up a harpoon] You've heard of the great white whale?
Maxwell Smart : That was done by the great white whale?
Captain Groman : No, that was done by a small blue convertible.
Maxwell Smart : Of course. The old gun in the peg leg trick. That's the second time I've fallen for it this year.