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"Blackadder Goes Forth" Corporal Punishment (TV Episode 1989) Poster

Quotes

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[last lines]

[Blackadder has found Baldrick and George drunk]

Private Baldrick: I think I can explain sir.

Captain Blackadder: Can you, Baldrick?

Private Baldrick: No.

Captain Blackadder: As I suspected. I'm not a religious man as you know, but henceforth I shall pray nightly to the God who killed Cain and squashed Samson that he comes out of retirement and gets back into practice with the pair of you.

[the phone rings. Blackadder snatches it up]

Captain Blackadder: Blackadder. Ah, Captain Darling. Well, you know, some of us just have friends in high places, I suppose. No I can hear you perfectly. You want what? You want two volunteers for a mission into No Man's Land. Codename "Operation Certain Death". Yes I think I have just the fellows.

[He hangs up and looks at the two]

Captain Blackadder: God is very quick these days.

[George and Baldrick look terrified]

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[while hungover]

Private Baldrick: Permission to die, sir?

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Lieutenant George: I'm a complete duffer at this sort of thing. In the School Debating Society I was voted Boy Least Likely to Complete a Coherent... erm...

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Lieutenant George: I'm thick. I'm as thick as the big print version of the Complete Works of Charles Dickens.

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[presiding over Blackadder's Court-Martial]

General Melchett: Before we sentence the deceased, I mean defendant, I think we had better hear from the prosecution.

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Lieutenant George: My head... oh, my head... feels like the time I was initiated into the Silly Buggers Society at Cambridge. I misheard the rules and tried to push a whole aubergine up my earhole.

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[Baldrick enters the witness box at Blackadder's trial]

Captain Blackadder: [whispering] Baldrick, deny everything.

Lieutenant George: You are Private Baldrick?

Private Baldrick: No.

Lieutenant George: Are you not Captain Blackadder's batman?

Private Baldrick: No.

[Blackadder beats his head against the desk]

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[Blackadder is about to be shot]

Corporal Perkins: Well, Captain, I've got to admire your balls.

Captain Blackadder: Perhaps later.

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Captain Blackadder: [on the telephone] You'd like to book a table for three, by the window, for 9:30 p.m., not too near the band, in the name of "Oberleutnant von Genschler". Yes? Yes? I think you might have the wrong number.

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Private Baldrick: Pigeon, sir! There's a pigeon in our trench!

Lieutenant George: Ah, now this is it.

Lieutenant George: It's one of the king's carrier pigeons.

Private Baldrick: No it's not, sir, that pigeon couldn't carry the king.

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[Blackadder is waiting in his prison cell for the inevitable day when he will be executed]

Corporal Perkins: Do you mind if I disturb you for a moment, sir?

Captain Blackadder: No, no, not at all. My diary's pretty empty this week. Let's see, Thursday morning, get shot, yes, that's about it, actually.

Corporal Perkins: It's just there's a few chaps out here would like a bit of a chinwag.

Captain Blackadder: Oh, lovely. Always keen to meet new people.

[a small group of soldiers enter the cell]

Corporal Perkins: Corporal Jones and Privates Spacer, Robinson, and Tipplewick

All: Hello.

Captain Blackadder: Oh, nice of you to drop by. And what do you do?

Corporal Jones: We're your firing squad, sir.

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Lieutenant George: You're as guilty as a puppy sitting next to pile of poo.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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