[Alfred and the Joker are engaged in a swordfight]
Aunt Harriet Cooper : Alfred, be careful! The Joker's an arch-criminal!
Alfred Pennyworth : I know, madam, but a very poor fencer.
The Joker : You anglo-fink! I'll smash you to smidgens!
Alfred Pennyworth : May I point out that smidgens is a childish effusion which should have no place even in so poor a vocabulary as yours, sir.
The Joker : [Terrified from the up-and-down ride the Joker is getting on the batpole] Help! Alfred, old pal! Have pity!
Alfred Pennyworth : We Anglo-finks have a long memory.
[Alfred then sends the terrified Joker down the pole again]
Alfred Pennyworth : One really shouldn't take pleasure in another creatures misfortunes, but, uh, occasionally, one may be forgiven for a slight twinge of satisfaction.
The Joker : [entering Wayne Manor with Baby Jane tied up] Where's Bruce Wayne?
Alfred Pennyworth : Mr. Wayne is not at home, sir.
The Joker : Too bad! I'll get my revenge later. Right now I'll settle for cash. Where's the safe?
Alfred Pennyworth : My duties do not include aiding and abetting thievery.
The Joker : [holds up a gun to Baby Jane's head] Oh, no?
Alfred Pennyworth : I see.
[closes the door]
Alfred Pennyworth : This way, sir.
The Joker : [after being shot back up the Bat Pole] Someone get me off this crazy dumbwaiter! I can't breathe!
Batman : Joker says he can't breathe, Alfred, why don't you give him some breathing space?
Alfred Pennyworth : My pleasure, sir.
[hits the down button on the Bat Pole elevator]
The Joker : Oh no! AHHHHHHHHHH! HEEEEELLLLLLP!
The Joker : Stand back! Stand back I say, or I'll --
[finds the batpole switch]
The Joker : ahh! What's this?
Alfred Pennyworth : Don't touch that!
Alfred Pennyworth : [turns the switch] Aha! A secret passage!
[slides down the bat pole]
Batman : Alfred, what's happened?
Alfred Pennyworth : I'm afraid the Joker accidentally tripped the batpole switch and mistook this for a secret passage, sir.
Robin : Then he's down in the batcave.
Alfred Pennyworth : Ah, he didn't quite make the batcave, Master Robin.
Robin : Then where is he?
Alfred Pennyworth : I believe he should be arriving presently.
Batman : The emergency Bat Pole elevator. Fast thinking, Alfred.
Alfred Pennyworth : Thank you, sir.
[Joker is shot back up the Bat Pole]