Archie befriends an elderly Jewish watchmaker named Bernie Bernstein who has come up with an invention that he thinks could make the both of them millionaires, a remote control for the doorbell. All he needs from Archie is $1000 to get started, which Archie just happens to have. Edith objects, and the more Archie tries to shut her up, the louder her objections become, especially when the remote either doesn't work or rings every doorbell in the neighborhood. Eventually it comes to light that Mr. Bernstein is a very sick man, and eventually dies right there on their couch.
Jerry Roberts <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Did You Know?
Rob Reiner and Sally Struthers are not featured. See more
Mr. Bernstein asks Archie how he celebrates Brotherhood, and Archie replies that he doesn't, as he's an only child. In another show, he has a younger brother, who is seen at least once. See more
Listen, Bunker, let's face it. It's possible that people like you and me were never meant to be rich.
Oh, never say that.
Why the hell not? It's true. Like my Tante Malka used to say, there are two kinds of losers: schlemiels and schlimazels. A schlemiel goes through life spilling soup. And a schlimazel's the guy he spills it on.
If I Were a Rich Man
Music by Jerry Bock
Lyrics by Sheldon Harnick
Portion sung by Jack Gilford See more