Old Lady: [thinks that Private is a toy] Now this is woikmanship. So where's the gosh darn squeaker on this thing? It's gotta have a squeaker.
Old Lady: Now that's more like it.
Skipper: Hold on a second! Something's missing!
Kowalski: Cranberries: check! Eggnog: check!
Skipper: Give me a headcount.
Kowalski: [grabs abacus] We have three heads, sir!
Skipper: Where's the private?
Kowalski: Unknown sir! It would appear that he's
[grabs milk carton]
[shows milk carton with a big 'missing' advert for the private]
Skipper: Missing? Hoover Dam! Wait, there he is. He just went to bed.
[pulls off sheets, revealing a bowling pin underneath]
Skipper: What the...
[slapping the pin]
Skipper: What have you do with Private? Talk, Mister!
Kowalski: Skipper, over here.
Skipper: [to pin] I'll deal with you later.
Kowalski: Oh, no. He must be out there all by himself.
Skipper: He's one of us, men. You all know the Penguin Credo.
Kowalski: Never bathe in hot oil and Bisquick?
[Rico speaks Japanese gibberish]
Skipper: No, that's the Walrus Credo. It's "Never swim alone." Private's out there all by himself, and we never leave one of our own.
Kowalski: Oh, yeah.
Skipper: Let's go.
Private: Thanks for rescuing me, Skipper.
Skipper: Think nothing of it, young Private. It's the least we could do. You remember the Penguin Credo.
Private: What does deep-frying in Bisquick have to do with any of this?
Skipper: Not that one, the other one! "Never swim alone!" Alone! On Christmas! Don't you get it? Come on people, do I have to explain this to everybody?
Skipper: He's in trouble.
Rico: [starts to light a stick of dynamite] Kaboom!
Skipper: Stand down, soldier. We're in observation mode.
Skipper: [to the penguins] Grand Coolee Dam! Private's been captured.
Skipper: Kowalski, analysis!
Kowalski: [eats some snow] Mmm... Adrenaline, sweat and sardines. These tracks are fresh sir!
Skipper: He's close... I can feel it.
Skipper: Shitake mushrooms! No more Mr. Cute and Cuddly.
Rico: [grabs stang of dynamite] Kaboom-kaboom-kaboom!
Skipper: Rico! Enough with the dynamite already!
Rico: [sighs disappointed] Aww.
[the old lady's dog, Mr. Chew, starts eating Private's Christmas sock, while Private's in it]
Private: Nice doggy! Good Doggy! No, good boy! No! No! Don't eat me! No!
[Mr. Chew comes closer to Private and Private starts to panic]
Private: Leave me alone! Don't eat me! AAAH!
[Skipper, Kowalski and Rico break in through a window, landing safely on a table]
Skipper: Santa Claus has come to town!
Private: Ooh, Skipper.
Private: But no-one should be sad and alone on Christmas!
Skipper: Exactly! So throw those troubles away and be merry!
Skipper: Lets blow this popsicle stand, boys!
Rico: [Grabs stick of dynamite] Kaaboooom?
Skipper: Yes, Rico. Kaaboom.
Skipper: [as Rico hold an anvil above the elderly lady's head] Rico! She didn't see anything!
Skipper: [to Rico playing the "Knife game" at the dinner table] Rico! Not at the table.
Skipper: [watching Rico chug eggnog] That boy can really hold down his nog.
TV Announcer: [Private flies across the room] Ryan takes the snap!
[Private flies into a table covered in food]
TV Announcer: What a hit! Ryan is down!
Old Lady: [to Mr. Chew] Why does Christmas have to be every year! What a pain the the ugh! The tape! It's so sticky!
Kowalski: How are we going to get inside?
Rico: [Lights a fuse] Ka-boom! Ka-boom!
Skipper: I have a better idea.
[Puts out the fuse]
All: [singing] Jingle Bells, monkeys smell / Melman laid an egg / Marty thinks that Alex stinks / And the camels say, "Oy vey!"