Get Smart (2008)
Masi Oka: Bruce
Bruce : [as Max is escaping] Turn around slowly.
Maxwell Smart : [turns around to find Bruce and Lloyd coming around the corner with forced angry facial expressions and Bruce holding a gun] Guys, you have to believe me I am not a double agent.
Lloyd : We never thought you were.
Bruce : Yeah, we love you, man.
Maxwell Smart : Then what's with the firearm and the freak-show expression?
Bruce : For the security camera. If it looks like we let you go, we'd totally get fired.
Maxwell Smart : [looks up at the camera then looks back] Got it.
[Burce and Lloyd shuffle forward stiffly and regain fighting stances and angry expressions]
Maxwell Smart : Where are the Chief and 99?
Bruce : They flew to L.A. to talk to the President.
Maxwell Smart : I need to get out of here before someone else comes to stop me.
Bruce : I suggest you overpower us.
Maxwell Smart : Good idea. Bruce I will smash you in the face.
Bruce : [rather pleasantly] Thank you.
Maxwell Smart : Lloyd, I will simulate your disembowelment.
Lloyd : [whimpers slightly]
Maxwell Smart : Ready? One...
Maxwell Smart : Not yet! I haven't punched you yet. React when I punch you.
Bruce : [regains firearm] Oh, yeah.
Maxwell Smart : One, two, three.
[punches to the left but Bruce falls to his left]
Maxwell Smart : Wrong way.
Lloyd : OK, wait. You should know sometimes I faint.
Maxwell Smart : I'm not actually going to hit you.
Lloyd : No, but when I see blood, or talk about blood, or think about blood...
Maxwell Smart : There will be no blood. Hang in there. Hang in, buddy.
Lloyd : [faints]
Larabee : Hey, new guy. Hold up a second. Welcome to CONTROL. We have a tradition called "Pick on the new guy." Here's how it works. We pick on the new guy.
Agent 91 : And you can't do anything about it.
Larabee : Let's try one. You dropped your pencil.
Agent 91 : Did you hear the man!
Hymie : I don't see a man, I see two little girls. I think I'll call you Maureen, and you Brittany.
Agent 91 : New guy did not.
Larabee : New guy did.
Agent 91 : OK, new guy...
Larabee : I got this. And I'm going to enjoy it.
Hymie : That will make me happy, Maureen.
Larabee : Ho ho ho. Maureen...
[Larabee punches Hymie in the stomach- loud metallic sound is heard]
Larabee : OW! What's in there? Oh. Oh.
Hymie : And just for the record.
Larabee : Oh. Oh. What's in there?
[Hymie staples paper to Larabee's forehead. Larabee screams]
Hymie : My name is not "new guy". My name is Hymie. Now, if you ladies will excuse me.
[Hymie walks away]
Bruce : [Bruce and Lloyd hiding off to the side] This is going to be so fun.
Lloyd : Make him high five me.
[Hymie high fives Lloyd]
Lloyd : Hey Max, we got you a lovely parting gift for your first mission.
Maxwell Smart : Oh, pocket knife!
Lloyd : Not just pocket knife. Swiss Army knife. It comes with tweezers, pliers, tiny magnifying glass...
Bruce : Fish scaler, a saw, a flamethrower, chisel, a wire-crimping tool.
Lloyd : We also added a crossbow that fires harpoons connected to 60 ft of spider silk nanothread. It has the strength of steel cable.
Bruce : It's a time-consuming, labor-intensive technology.
Lloyd : Spiders have to be individually milked.
Bruce : And they do not like it.
Lloyd : No, they don't.
Maxwell Smart : Gentlemen, you're the best. Thanks!