Get Smart (2008)
Dwayne Johnson: Agent 23
[Larabee is texting during a briefing]
Agent 23 : What are you doing? Are you texting?
Larabee : Yeah. Letting my fiancee know we won't be able to get married in June, 'cause I'll still be in this meeting.
Agent 23 : Can I see that for a second?
Larabee : Yeah.
[Larabee hands the phone to 23]
Agent 23 : That's great.
[23 breaks the phone]
Agent 23 : Well, that's weird. You lost your signal.
CONTROL Agent : [when gets shot by Max with a paintball] Missed me! Hahaha!
[gets shot rapidly with paintballs by 23]
CONTROL Agent : Alright! Alright! I'm out!
Agent 23 : He was lying Max. It was a good shot.
Maxwell Smart : Thanks. I am so sick of training. I wanna get out into the field.
Agent 91 : Give it up 23! It's just you and Maxi-pad against the six of us!
Maxwell Smart : [sarcastically] Oh, gee, Maxi-pad. I've never heard that one before!
[less sarcastically to 23]
Maxwell Smart : I never have actually heard that one before.
Maxwell Smart : I have obtained a snippet, at great risk to a bus boy in Balad.
[Men start speaking in Punjab on a recording which Max is translating]
Maxwell Smart : "Aftab, how is your coffee?"
Maxwell Smart : "Good, Dalip, it's decaf. How is yours?"
Maxwell Smart : "It is good, also. How is your muffin?"
Maxwell Smart : Powerful stuff
The Chief : So "muffin", then, is a code word?
Maxwell Smart : No, it is comfort food... and quite frankly much more fattening than most people realize. Which begs the question... why would two hardened KAOS agents... risk the carbs?
Maxwell Smart : Because they are under a great deal of stress.
Agent 23 : Hence the decaf.
Maxwell Smart : For Aftab yes. Dalip takes his full-strength. Why? Because he has been sleeping on the couch for three days... because he called his sister-in-law a "leathery hag".
Larabee : You know, people often say things in anger they don't really mean. Leathery hag, fat cow, ungrateful whore. Just words really, that shouldn't be used against you in a custody hearing.
Agent 91 : Let it go, man, those kids don't even look like you.
The Chief : Can we put a pen in this, please... and go back to Max's extraordinary detailed report?
Maxwell Smart : Thank you, Chief. All I'm saying is... that until we understand that our enemies are also human beings... we will never defeat them. Yes, they are bad guys, but that is what they do, not who they are. Let's continue listening... and bear in mind that the next 100 pages can get a little bit dry.
Larabee : Come on.
[All sigh in boredom]
Agent 99 : You lied about finding evidence of radioactivity.
Agent 23 : You conveniently killed Krstic before anyone could question him.
The Chief : And there's that little matter with you stoning my head with a fire extinguisher.
Maxwell Smart : I said I was sorry, you just didn't hear me because you were in a mini coma.
Maxwell Smart : Welcome back 23, how was the assassination?
Agent 23 : Maxie, you know assassinations are specifically prohibited by executive order number 12333.
Maxwell Smart : 23, you killed me!
Agent 23 : I could if I wanted to!
Maxwell Smart : Yes, you could.
Maxwell Smart : Oh! Did you see the look on his face?