Get Smart (2008)
Terry Crews: Agent 91
CONTROL Agent : [when gets shot by Max with a paintball] Missed me! Hahaha!
[gets shot rapidly with paintballs by 23]
CONTROL Agent : Alright! Alright! I'm out!
Agent 23 : He was lying Max. It was a good shot.
Maxwell Smart : Thanks. I am so sick of training. I wanna get out into the field.
Agent 91 : Give it up 23! It's just you and Maxi-pad against the six of us!
Maxwell Smart : [sarcastically] Oh, gee, Maxi-pad. I've never heard that one before!
[less sarcastically to 23]
Maxwell Smart : I never have actually heard that one before.
Maxwell Smart : I have obtained a snippet, at great risk to a bus boy in Balad.
[Men start speaking in Punjab on a recording which Max is translating]
Maxwell Smart : "Aftab, how is your coffee?"
Maxwell Smart : "Good, Dalip, it's decaf. How is yours?"
Maxwell Smart : "It is good, also. How is your muffin?"
Maxwell Smart : Powerful stuff
The Chief : So "muffin", then, is a code word?
Maxwell Smart : No, it is comfort food... and quite frankly much more fattening than most people realize. Which begs the question... why would two hardened KAOS agents... risk the carbs?
Maxwell Smart : Because they are under a great deal of stress.
Agent 23 : Hence the decaf.
Maxwell Smart : For Aftab yes. Dalip takes his full-strength. Why? Because he has been sleeping on the couch for three days... because he called his sister-in-law a "leathery hag".
Larabee : You know, people often say things in anger they don't really mean. Leathery hag, fat cow, ungrateful whore. Just words really, that shouldn't be used against you in a custody hearing.
Agent 91 : Let it go, man, those kids don't even look like you.
The Chief : Can we put a pen in this, please... and go back to Max's extraordinary detailed report?
Maxwell Smart : Thank you, Chief. All I'm saying is... that until we understand that our enemies are also human beings... we will never defeat them. Yes, they are bad guys, but that is what they do, not who they are. Let's continue listening... and bear in mind that the next 100 pages can get a little bit dry.
Larabee : Come on.
[All sigh in boredom]
Larabee : Hey, new guy. Hold up a second. Welcome to CONTROL. We have a tradition called "Pick on the new guy." Here's how it works. We pick on the new guy.
Agent 91 : And you can't do anything about it.
Larabee : Let's try one. You dropped your pencil.
Agent 91 : Did you hear the man!
Hymie : I don't see a man, I see two little girls. I think I'll call you Maureen, and you Brittany.
Agent 91 : New guy did not.
Larabee : New guy did.
Agent 91 : OK, new guy...
Larabee : I got this. And I'm going to enjoy it.
Hymie : That will make me happy, Maureen.
Larabee : Ho ho ho. Maureen...
[Larabee punches Hymie in the stomach- loud metallic sound is heard]
Larabee : OW! What's in there? Oh. Oh.
Hymie : And just for the record.
Larabee : Oh. Oh. What's in there?
[Hymie staples paper to Larabee's forehead. Larabee screams]
Hymie : My name is not "new guy". My name is Hymie. Now, if you ladies will excuse me.
[Hymie walks away]
Bruce : [Bruce and Lloyd hiding off to the side] This is going to be so fun.
Lloyd : Make him high five me.
[Hymie high fives Lloyd]