Ian Holm: Skinner
Skinner : You know something about rats, you know you do!
Linguini : You know who know, do, whacka-do. Ratta-tatta - Hey, why do they call it that?
Skinner : What?
Linguini : Ratatouille. It's like a stew, right? Why do they call it that? If you're gonna name a food, you should give it a name that sounds delicious. Ratatouille doesn't sound delicious. It sounds like "rat" and "patootie." Rat patootie! Which does not sound delicious.
[holds out his glass for more wine]
Skinner : [growling] Regrettably, we are all... out... of wine.
Skinner : [on Linguini] Look at him out there, pretending to be an idiot! He's toying with my mind like a cat with a ball... of something!
Lawyer : String?
Skinner : Yes! Playing dumb, taunting me with that RAT!
Lawyer : [confused] Rat?
Skinner : Yes! He's consorting with it, deliberately trying to make me think it's important!
Lawyer : The... rat?
Skinner : EXACTLY!
Lawyer : Is the rat important?
Skinner : [pause] Of course not! He just wants me to THINK that it is! O-ho, I see the theatricality of it! A rat appears on the boy's first night, I order him to kill it, and now he wants me to see it everywhere!
Skinner : [high voice] Ooooh! It's here! No it isn't it's here! Am I seeing things, am I crazy, is there a phantom rat or is there not, but oh, no! I refuse to be sucked into his little game... of...
Lawyer : Should I be concerned about this? About you?
Skinner : Toasting your success, eh, Linguini? Good for you.
Linguini : [indicating his wine glass] Oh, I just took it to be polite. I don't really drink, you know.
Skinner : Oh, of course you don't. I wouldn't either if I was drinking *that*. But you would have to be an idiot of elephantine proportions not to appreciate this '61 Château Latour, and you, Monsieur Linguini, are no idiot. Let us toast your non-idiocy!
Lawyer : Well, the will stipulates that if after two years from the date of death, no heir appears, Gusteau's business will pass on to his sous-chef, you.
Skinner : I know what the will stipulates! What I want to know, is if this letter - if this *boy* changes anything!
[the lawyer looks at Linguini through the window, comparing it to Gusteau's picture on the wall]
Lawyer : There's not much resemblance.
Skinner : There's NO resemblance at all! He's not Gusteau's son, Gusteau had no children! And what of the timing of all this? The deadline in the will expires in less than a month! Suddenly some boy arrives with a letter from his recently deceased mother claiming Gusteau is his father? Highly suspect!
Lawyer : [about a chef's toque in a glass container] ... This was Gusteau's?
Skinner : Yes.
Lawyer : May I?
Skinner : Of course, of course.
[the lawyer takes a hair out of the toque]
Lawyer : But, the boy does not know?
Skinner : She claims she never told him, or Gusteau, and asks that I not tell!
Lawyer : Why you? What does she want?
Skinner : A job, for the boy.
Lawyer : Only a job? Well, then this is easy. If he works here, you can keep an eye on him while I do a little digging, find out how much of this is real. I'll need you to collect some DNA samples from the boy, hair maybe...
Skinner : Mark my words, the whole thing is *highly* suspect. He knows... something.
Lawyer : Relax, he's a garbage boy. I think you can handle him.
Skinner : [seeing a ladle in Linguini's hand] You are COOKING? How DARE you cook in MY kitchen! Where do get the gall to attempt something so monumentally idiotic? I should have you drawn and quartered! I'll do it! I think the law is on my side! Larousse, draw and quarter this man! *After* you put him in the duck press to squeeze the fat out of his head!
[as he's shouting, Lalo ladles some soup into a tureen and brings it to the waiter]
Linguini : Oh no no no, OH NO, don't let them, don't eat...
Skinner : What are you blathering about?
Linguini : ...the soup!
Skinner : [sees the soup going out runs to stop it] Soup? Stop that soup! Noooooooo!
[bursts into the dining room to the stares of the diners, retreats back into the kitchen and watches through the window as the waiter serves the soup]
Solene LeClaire : [tasting the soup] Waiter!
Skinner : [gasps] Linguini! You're fired! F-I-R-E-D! Fired!
Mustafa : She wants to see the chef.
Mustafa : [scared] B-but he...
[clears his throat and goes to speak to the customer; Colette tastes the soup; Skinner re-enters]
Colette : What did the customer say?
Mustafa : It was not a customer. It was a critic.
Colette : Ego?
Skinner : Solene LeClaire.
Colette : LeClaire. What did she say?
Mustafa : She likes the soup.
Skinner : The soup! Where is the soup? Out of my way. Move it, garbage boy!
[sees a ladle in Linguini's hand]
Skinner : You are COOKING? How DARE you cook in MY kitchen! Where do you get the gall to even attempt something so monumentally idiotic? I should have you drawn and quartered! I'll do it! I think the law is on my side! Larousse, draw and quarter this man - after you put him in the duck press to squeeze the fat out of his head!
Larousse : Hey, boss, look who it is! Alfredo Linguini! Renata's little boy! All grown up, eh? You remember Renata. Gusteau's old flame?
Skinner : Ah, yes. How are you, uh...
Larousse : Linguini.
Skinner : Yes, Linguini, so nice of you to visit. How is, uh...?
Linguini : My mother?
Skinner : Yes...
Larousse : Renata.
Skinner : Yes, Renata. How is she?
Linguini : Good... well, not... good... She's been better. She's, uh... she...
Horst : She died.
Skinner : [attempting to care] Oh, uh, I'm sorry.
Linguini : Well, don't be. She believed in Heaven, so she's covered... you know, afterlife-wise? Uh...
[clumsily gives Skinner a letter]
Skinner : What is this?
Linguini : She left it for you. I think she hoped it would help... me. You know, get a job... Here?
Skinner : Surely you don't expect me to believe this is your first time cooking?
Linguini : It's not.
Skinner : I KNEW IT!
Linguini : It's my... second, third, fourth, fifth time. Monday was my first time. But I've taken out the garbage lots of times before that...
Skinner : Yes, yes, yes, have some more wine.
Skinner : I will have whatever he is having.
Skinner : [to Linguini] You are either very lucky or very unlucky. You will make the soup again, and this time I'll be paying attention. Very close attention. They think you might be a cook. But you know what I think, Linguini? I think you're a sneaky, overreaching little...
Skinner : [sees Remy escaping] RAAAT!
Skinner : [growling] What are you playing at?
Linguini : [uncertain] Um, uh... am I still fired?
Colette : You can't fire him.
Skinner : What?
Colette : LeClaire likes it, yeah? She made a point of telling you so. if she write a review to that effect and find out you fired the cook responsible?
Skinner : He's a garbage boy.
Colette : Who made something she liked! How can we claim to represent the name of Gusteau if we don't uphold his most cherished belief?
Skinner : And what belief is that, Mademoiselle Tatou?
Colette : Anyone can cook.
[pause, Skinner looks around at the other cooks, who are smiling with approval]
Skinner : Perhaps I have been a bit harsh on our new garbage boy. He has taken a bold risk, and we should reward that, as Chef Gusteau would have. If he wishes to swim in dangerous waters, who are we to deny him?
Mustafa : [panicked] Someone has asked what is new!
Horst : New?
Mustafa : Yes! What do I tell them?
Horst : Well, what *did* you tell them?
Mustafa : I told them I would ask!
Skinner : What are you blathering about?
Horst : Customers are asking what is new!
Mustafa : What should I tell them?
Skinner : What *did* you tell them?
Mustafa : [exasperated] I TOLD THEM I WOULD ASK!
Skinner : This is simple. Just pull out an old Gusteau recipe, something we haven't made in a while...
Mustafa : They know about the old stuff. They like Linguini's soup.
Skinner : They are asking for food from LINGUINI?
Skinner : [to Linguini] Welcome to Hell.
Skinner : I want you to work up something for my latest frozen food concept: Gusteau's Corn Puppies. They're like corn dogs, only smaller. Bite size.
Francois : What are corn dogs?
Skinner : Cheap sausages dipped in batter and deep fried. You know, American. Whip something up. Maybe Gusteau in overalls and Huckleberry Tom hat.
Francois : Or as a big ear of corn in doggie make-up.
Skinner : Y-yes. But, please, with dignity.
Skinner : [to Linguini] Got your toque!
Skinner : [to Linguini] Do you know what would happen if anyone knew we had a rat in our kitchen? They'd close us down. Our reputation is hanging as a thread as it is. Take it away from here. Far away. Kill it. Dispose of it. Go!
Colette : Table five coming up right now.
Skinner : Coming down the line.
Colette : Set. Hot. Open oven.
Skinner : Coming around.
Colette : Oui, chef. One filet mignon, three lamb, two duck.
Skinner : Fire those soufflés for table six, ja?
Colette : Five minutes, chef.
Remy : Oh, God.
Mustafa : Tonight, I'd like to present the foie gras. It has a wonderful finish.
Skinner : Ready to go on table seven. Come on! Let's go!
Colette : Oui, chef.
Skinner : [to Collette] Since you have expressed such an interest in his cooking career, you shall be responsible for it. Anyone else? Then back to work!
Skinner : [to Linguini] Collette will be responsible with teaching you how we do things here.