The Paul Lynde Halloween Special (1976 TV Special)
Paul Lynde: Well, here I am again... ABC's answer to Trick-Or-Treat.
Housekeeper: I'll give you a hint. It's full of witches and spooks and strange creatures of the night.
Paul Lynde: Oh, sounds like Hollywood Squares.
Paul Lynde: As you know, there's a real scary holiday coming up. Election Day.
Paul Lynde: [meeting KISS] Well, just what I always wanted: four kisses on the first date.
Housekeeper: This is Ace. This is Gene. This is Peter. And this is Paul.
Paul Lynde: Oh, I love a good religious group. I can take one look at you four and tell you how you got your name and how you got your act. You had a fight, and your mothers told you to... kiss and make up.
Paul Lynde: [to Gene Simmons] Why don't you push the down button on your elevator shoes?
Paul Lynde: [singing] # We wish you a Merry Christmas, / We we wish you a Merry Christmas. #
Paul Lynde: Hi, I'm Paul Lynde. Well, somebody had to be.
Paul Lynde: It's been a year since my last special. Was it something I said?
Paul Lynde: I always give a prize for the funniest costume. Last year I said that the prize goes to the first one that rings my bell. It was my Avon Lady. So I gave her a box of Ding Dongs. You know, though, they got no sense of humor. She smeared my windows with soap on a rope.
Paul Lynde: I was fa-a-a-a-a-t. My, uh, my brothers and sisters used to dress up in nice little Halloween costumes from the five-and-dime. Mom would hand me the shower curtain. And it didn't fit. So she let it out, and I went as the Hindenburg. It was a disaster.
Paul Lynde: [singing] # Too much Alice Cooper! / Not enough Alice Faye... / What's the matter with kids today? #
Housekeeper: [about her sister's house] It's well-preserved. You'll have lots of fun.
Paul Lynde: You're well-preserved, and you're no fun.
Paul Lynde: [about Rover the vulture] I hope his bark is worse than his peck.
Paul Lynde: Did you pack everything? It could be a chilly evening.
Housekeeper: Everything. Your robe, your slippers...
Paul Lynde: My Dr. Dentons?
Paul Lynde: What about Dorothy and her little dog, Toto, in "The Wizard of Oz"?
The Wicked Witch of the West: She asked for it. And her little dog, too!
Paul Lynde: She has a striking resemblance to Betty White. But then so many witches do.
Cecily Westinghouse: Why are you wearing that earring?
Sheik: Because I'm a very chic Sheik. That's why they call me Florence of Arabia.
Paul Lynde: Perhaps a glass of my hyena wine will melt your frosty heart.
Paul Lynde: Open the ruby portals of your lips to the white-hot passion of my desire. I - I - I'm turning myself on. Fool, who needs her when you - when you've got you!