Taxi (I) (2004)
Jimmy Fallon: Andrew 'Andy' Washburn
Washburn's Mom : Andy is not a really a strong driver. See, he had a really bad experience when he had his first driving lesson. So...
Washburn : Driving lesson? You call that a driving lesson?
Washburn's Mom : Yes!
Washburn : Dad let go of the wheel and said "You better steer or you're gonna kill the whole family".
Washburn's Mom : Yeah! It's good for you.
Washburn : We where going 90, I was six!
Washburn's Mom : That's right! And that's the way he taught you to swim!
Washburn : I can't swim either!
Washburn : Men are like cats, ya know? Sure, we'll play with a ball of yarn, unless you want us to play with the ball of yarn. Trick is, hide the ball of yarn.
Washburn : But don't hide it where you can't find it, ya know? Like, 'Hey, what's the ball of yarn doing in the fridge?' Whatever. Ya know what I'm saying?
Vanessa : Gimmie the cash! No more games!
Washburn : Girl first!
Belle : [to Vanessa] No, girl first!
Vanessa : No! We'll switch at the same time!
Washburn : On three. One...
Belle : [to Vanessa] One...
Washburn : Two...
Belle : [to Vanessa] Two...
Belle : THREE!
[Washburn pulls Lt. Robbins in the cab]
Washburn : Brake!
[Belle hits the brakes]
Washburn : Mi Castro, su Castro.
Washburn : You ask me where I'm from? What part am I from? Eeh... What part of Havanna? You know... ah... around the corner of... eum... Castro... Street.
Washburn : I had to flip and pull this out of my ankly holster... now gimme that and shush.
Washburn : [pulls out his badge] See this? This is a badge! It means your not allowed to *scream* at me!
Belle : [takes the badge] Ah Ah Ah.
Washburn : [tries to get badge back] Come on now. Give it back.
[goes to grab badge and ends up flipping over, then stands up with a gun pulled out]
Washburn : Hand it over cabbie!
Belle : Whoa, man! Be cool!
Washburn : Be cool? I had to flip and pull this out of my ankle holster! Now gimme that and shush!
[goes to grab badge, he doesn't get it and Belle gets the gun too]
Washburn : Ah!
Belle : Ha. Yeah! How do you like me to point it at you!
Washburn : [after stopping in the alley during first car chase] Hey! Why'd you stop for?
Belle : [referring to the gun] Hey man watch that thing! It's a dead end, they ain't going nowhere.
Washburn : [loads his gun] Okay! Time to get my burn on!
Belle : You talking to me or your gun? You better not be talking to me. I *know* you ain't talking to me.
Washburn : Every hero has a weakness. Superman has kryptonite. Indiana Jones has snakes. Whitney Houston has Bobby Brown... or vice-versa...
Washburn : [after inhaling nitrous oxide, Washburn's voice has deepened] I sound like Barry White's illegitimate, white grandson!
Washburn : Didn't see my nads, did ya?
Washburn : So here's the plan, you fake like you're gonna go left, then you go left. Then we catch the bad guys and I'll lay a little sepressifed down from my pisolita
[car hits a bump sending the gun into the backseat, Belle looks at him with disgust]
Washburn : Drive! Drive! Don't look at me! Look at the road!
Lt. Marta Robbins : Three cars you totalled! Cop or no cop, that is eleven points off your license. It's gone!
Washburn : Don't take away my license!
Lt. Marta Robbins : It's gone!
[Lt. Robbins takes Washburn's license from his wallet, then puts it in her drawer]
Lt. Marta Robbins : You're not gonna need it for your next assignment.
Lt. Marta Robbins : You're fired. You're not on suspension. You're not on temporary leave. You're fired! Ms. Williams, I'm giving your license back with a warning. If I catch you driving that thing in this city again, it is mine. Andy, as a friend, I'm sorry.
Washburn : But, Lieutenant...
Lt. Marta Robbins : Andy, please! You left me no choice. Now give me your badge.
[Washburn hands over his badge scorched by Belle's boyfriend, Jesse]
Lt. Marta Robbins : What?
[exhales, then walks away]
Belle : Hey... wanna share a cab?
Washburn : [sadly] Yeah.