The Princess Diaries (2001)
Eduard Christoff Philippe GÈrard Renaldi, Prince of Genovia: [voiceover] Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all.
Joe: I have never put on pantihose before, but it sounds dangerous.
Joe: [speaking to Mia] Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Mia: Hey Joe? Can we park a block away from school? I really don't want to cause a riot with this hearse.
Joe: This is a non-riot hearse. And if it were a hearse there would be silence in the backseat.
[running to catch up Mia and Michael]
Lilly: [screaming] WAIT FOR ME, WAIT FOR ME!
[Two others teenagers stop, and look at her]
Lilly: Wait, wait. No, not you - I don't even know you!
Mia: I can't be a princess! I'm still waiting for normal body parts to arrive!
[trying to recall the names of Lana and friends]
Joe: Anna, Falana, Banana, Bandana, Montana...
Paolo: [removes Mia's glasses] Do you wear contact lenses?
Mia: Oh, I have them, but I don't really like to wear them that much.
Paolo: [he breaks her glasses in half] Now... you do!
Mia: [shocked] You broke my glasses!
Paolo: You broke my brush.
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: You are princess of Genovia.
Mia: Me, a princess?
Mia: Shut up!
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: I beg your pardon, "Shut up"?
Consulate Maitre'D: Oh, your majesty, in America, it doesn't always mean to be quiet. Here it could mean "Wow, gee whiz, golly wolly"...
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: Where is she going?
Helen Thermopolis: The tower.
[getting up from the table and going after Mia]
Helen Thermopolis: Mia, You can't run from everything!
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: She has a tower?
Gym Teacher Harbula: [PA announcement] Will the Feng Shui Club *please* stop rearranging the tables on the lawn.
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: Amelia, you look so... young.
Mia: Thank you. And you look so...
Mia: ... clean.
Lilly: Michael, don't always think you could get a ride with us and...
[sees Mia's new look]
Lilly: Oy. Who destroyed you?
Mia: Oh. You-you think it looks that bad?
Lilly: You look ridiculous. You should sue.
Mia: Well um... I know it's a little straighter and shorter and...
[Get's in limo]
Michael: An attractive weirder.
Lilly: No, it's not attractive!
Joe: Seat belts, please.
Lilly: What I really can't understand is that you ditched me again yesterday when I really needed your help at the greenpeace petition.
[picks up bag]
Lilly: These bags! You HAVE one of these bags? You know, we could hock that and feed a whole third world country!
[Looks at Michael]
Lilly: Am I right?
Joe: If there are no more passengers, I think we should close the door.
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: Helen, if Amelia refuses to accept the throne, then Genovia will cease to exist as we know it.
Helen Thermopolis: So the future of your country is in the hands of my 15-year-old?
Mia: [driving in the rain] Is this punishment for driving without a licensed driver in the front seat?
[lies down on the front seat]
Mia: I am invisible, and I am wet.
911 Nun: 911, I'd like to report an accident... They put me on hold!
911 Nun: Oh, for the love of God!
Mia: [voiceover] Dear Diary, today is my first official day as Princess of Genovia. We'll land in a few hours, and I'll meet Parliament and the people before beginning my royal duties. Mom is, of course, moving to Genovia with me, and we'll continue painting - without the balloons. Lilly and Michael are planning to spend their summer vacation at our - can you believe it - palace. They're even having my Mustang brought over, which I can legally drive in two weeks. Grandma's so glad to be going home, and Joseph - well, he's watching nearby as usual. Everybody's got pre-coronation jitters, including me. Everybody that is, except Fat Louie. He's totally adapted to being a royal. I guess he was one all along.
Joe: [voiceover] Princess, look out the window... and welcome to Genovia.
[as his assistants pluck Mia's eyebrows]
Paolo: I love your eyebrows. We'll call them Frieda and Kahlo. If Brooke Shields married Groucho Marx, their child would have your eyebrows!
Vice Principal Gupta: [on the phone] Gupta... mmhh... mmhh... mmhh.
Vice Principal Gupta: The Queen is coming - to Grove High School.
Mia: Joseph, can we eighty-six the flags please?
Joe: No. The flags allow me to park anywhere. We keep the flags.
Mia: Sorry, Joseph.
Joe: You can call me, "Joe".
Joe: [Chuckles then abruptly turns serious] No. Joe.
Mia: Hey, Joe?
Mia: I'm gonna turn the backseat into a dressing room so I can change into a proper outfit for Madame, OK?
Joe: OK. And don't forget your shoes.
Mia: Ahh, thanks.
Joe: Strange town, San Francisco. When I purchased the pumps, they asked if I wanted them wrapped or if I was going to wear them.
Mia: You know, most kids hope for a car for their 16th birthday, not a country!
Helen Thermopolis: This is getting us nowhere! Talk to me!
Mia: I can't talk to you right now; I'm late for a meeting with my guidance counselor.
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: I'm late for a meeting with Spain and *Portugal*!
Helen Thermopolis: Mia, the-the three of us have to talk.
Mia: Oh, OK. Um, is there maybe something else about me and my life that just maybe I might want to know about? Um-oh no, are you two waiting to take me on a talk show somewhere and to let me know I have a twin sister who's a duchess?
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: You have a cousin who's a contessa. Fondly known as Bartholomew. Actually, we call him Pookie.
Mia: [Responding to Lilly's insults] Lilly! Just stop it, okay? Just because your hair sucks, get off mine!
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: Do we have any problems?
Charlotte Kutaway: [overly enthusiastically] No, everything's perfect. Perfect. It's wonderful.
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: You're not very good at lying, Charlotte.
Charlotte Kutaway: No, I'm not, your Majesty.
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: [teaching Mia to walk like a princess] We don't slump like this!
[slumps past the doorway]
Mia: Okay... you know what? I don't feel protected. You try living for 15 years thinking that you're one person, and then in five minutes, you find out you're a princess. Just in case I wasn't enough of a freak already, let's add a tiara!
Vice Principal Gupta: Oh come on girls, it's a ball not a snake. Back in formation!
Mia: [on her green bathing suit] Okay I look like an asparagus.
Helen Thermopolis: But a very, very cute asparagus!
Michael: Don't worry about me. I just consider myself royally flushed.
Mia: Tell me, how does my mother, or any person for that matter, go into a parent/teacher conference and come out with a date?
Mia: Now, what did you want to tell me?
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: Something that, I think, will have a very big impact upon your life.
Mia: I already have braces.
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: No, it's bigger than orthodontia.
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: So, where are you taking me?
Mia: Well, uh, do you have any change?
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: No. It's not appropriate for royalty to jingle.
Mia: Okay, I'll get the change.
[cuts to a game arcade]
Lilly: Michael, can you please pretend you have a life for just one moment?
Lilly: The student body may be morally bankrupt, but that doesn't mean they're blind!
Mia: And then I realized how many stupid times a day I used the word "I". In fact, probably all I ever do is think about myself. And how lame is that when there's, like, 7 billion other people out there on the planet and when -
[Grandmother clears throat]
Joe: No matter how many times you press that, it will still go up and down the same way.
Mia: [to her cat, Fat Louie] You are so lucky you don't know who your parents are.
Nelson Davenport: No longer does Mia stand for missing in action, Genovia has a new princess!
Mia: I don't want to rule my own country, I just want to pass the tenth grade.
Lilly: You're morphing into one of them! Next week you'll be waving pom-poms in my face!
Fontana: Tell me Mia. Is it true about your speech? Are you really speaking at the bulimic convention?
Lana Thomas: So you can speak and barf at the same time?
[Fontana makes vomiting noises]
Helen Thermopolis: Time for school! Stop daydreaming, you'll be late for school.
Gym Teacher Harbula: Bobby Bad, hang up the phone.
Bobby Bad: [on his cell phone] Yes, Mom, I'll go to the dentist after school.
Mia: I hate it when they move in like that.
Gym Teacher Harbula: Mia, it's not a championship game, it's not even a *big* game, it's just gym class. Just hit the ball. I don't want to flunk you in gym class. C'mon, you can do it. Keep your eye on the ball.
Helen Thermopolis: That Backstreet Boy clone you've had a crush on for years?
Mia: He's not a Backstreet Boy clone.
Nelson Davenport: Mia Thermopolis is the daughter of local eclectic artist, Helen Thermopolis. They currently live in a refurbished firehouse south of Market Street. Mia is also the only grandchild of Queen Clarisse Renaldi, whose husband, King Rupert, passed away last year. This is Nelson Davenport, KRLH.
student: [PA announcement] Remember, virtual homework may not be submitted for actual credit.
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: [after Mia, Prime Minister Motaz, and Sheila Motaz make a scene from eating the ice cream too quickly] Have you ever experienced that *instant* headache when you eat ice too quickly?
Emperor Sakamoto: [briefly shakes his head] No.
Lana Thomas: [singing] Stupid Cupid, you're a real mean guy. I'd like to clip your wings so you can't fly. I'm in love and it's a crying shame. And I know you're the one to blame. Hey-Hey, set me free. Stupid Cupid, stop picking on me.
Lana Thomas: I'm Lana.
Cheerleader Anna: Anna.