Zoolander (2001) Poster


Owen Wilson: Hansel



  • Hansel : I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.

  • Matilda : I became...

    Hansel : What?

    Matilda : Bulimic.

    Derek Zoolander : You can read minds?

  • Derek Zoolander : Why do you hate models, Matilda?

    Matilda : Honestly?

    Hansel : Yes.

    Matilda : I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.

    Hansel : I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?

  • Hansel : This has been an emotional day for all of us. I think we should get naked.

    Matilda : What?

    Hansel : Don't ask questions. Just give in to the power of the tea.

  • Hansel : Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he's a cool dude!

  • Hansel : I guess you can dere-lick my balls cap-E-tan.

    Derek Zoolander : I can Dere-lick my own balls, thank you very much.

  • Hansel : Excuse me, bra.

    Derek Zoolander : You're excused, and I'm not your bra!

  • [Talking about the files] 

    Hansel : They're *in* the computer?

  • Hansel : So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh ahh, I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize "Holy shit, Hansel, haven't you been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn't some of this maybe be in your head?"

    Derek Zoolander : And?

    Hansel : And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius.

  • Hansel : I felt like, "This guy's really hurting me." And it hurt.

  • Derek Zoolander : You mean, you haven't...

    Matilda : Done it in a while, yeh.

    Hansel : Now, what's a while? Like, eight days?

  • Hansel : You is talking loco and I like it!

  • Hansel : Taste my pain, bitch!

  • Hansel : [while in an interview, dressed in angel's wings]  I hear words like "beauty" and "handsomness" and "incredibly chiseled features" and for me that's like a vanity of self absorption that I try to steer clear of.

  • Hansel : Yeah, you're cool to hide here, but first me and him got to straighten some shit out.

    Derek Zoolander : Fine.

    Hansel : Why you been acting so messed up towards me?

    Derek Zoolander : Why you been acting so messed up towards me?

    Hansel : Well, you go first.

  • Hansel : What's the dealio, yo?

  • Derek Zoolander : Who am I?

    Derek's Reflection : I don't know.

    Derek Zoolander : I guess I have a lot of things to ponder.

    Hansel : The results are in, amigo! What's left to ponder?

    [Derek stares at Hansel] 

    Hansel : Nice comeback!

  • Derek Zoolander : What say we settle this on the runway... Han-Solo?

    Hansel : Are you challenging me to a walk-off... Boo-Lander?

  • Matilda : What time is it?

    Derek Zoolander : Almost five.

    Matilda : What? Hey, guys, that show is in three hours. Derek is dead unless we get that evidence. Do you guys...

    Hansel : Whoa, whoa, easy! How 'bout a "Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel. Thanks for the freak fest last night."

  • Hansel : Trippin' on acid changed our whole perspective on shit!

  • Hansel : Who are you tryin' to get crazy with, ese? Don't you know I'm loco?

  • Hansel : Whatever dude... whatever. Peace. God Bless.

  • Olaf : Cool story, Hansel.

    Hansel : Thanks, Olaf.

  • Hansel : The results are in amigo. What's left to ponder?

    [Derek glares at him] 

    Hansel : Nice Comeback! Ha ha.

  • Hansel : I friggin' worship you, man.

  • Hansel : Deal with that!

  • Matilda : I became...

    Hansel : What?

    Matilda : Bulimic.

    Derek Zoolander : You can read minds?

    Matilda : It's where you throw up after every meal!

    Derek Zoolander : [laughing]  Matilda! Matilda! SO WHAT? I've thrown up after *lots* of meals!

    Hansel : Yeah! It's a great way to lose pounds before a show!

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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