Timon & Pumbaa (1995–1999)
Ernie Sabella: Pumbaa, Bampuu
Timon : [reading a newspaper article] "Criminal Quint, the most wanted criminal east of Alcatraz, has stolen a suitcase full of money?"
Pumbaa : We'd better go right to the police, tell them what happened, and say to them everything we know! That would be the right thing to do.
Timon : What gives you that idea?
Pumbaa : Didn't you read the rest of the article?
Timon : [reading] "If you know anything about this, please go right to the police and tell them what happened and say to them everything you know. That would be the right thing to do."
Timon : Pumbaa, we can't go to the police.
Pumbaa : Why not?
Timon : We found the money, right? Then we gave it back to Criminal Quint, correct? That makes us accomplices!
Pumbaa : It does?
Timon : Yes, it does! And that means we'll have to go to jail and call each other Butch and wear those stripy jail clothes!
Pumbaa : Stripes make me look pudgy! And don't call me Butch.
Timon : Clearly there must be an easier way of getting out there rather than straping ducks to my feet.
Pumbaa : Like, say... A boat?
Timon : Don't interupt, Pumbaa, I'm making a piont. Now, our little duck friends gave me an idea and I'll give you a hint as to what it is. Ahem. What do birds have that you and I do not have?
Pumbaa : Feathers?
Timon : Guess again.
Pumbaa : Beaks?
Timon : Guess again.
Pumbaa : Claws?
Timon : No, Pumbaa, guess once more.
Pumbaa : Nests?
Timon : One more guess.
Pumbaa : Eggs?
Timon : No.
Pumbaa : Intelligence?
Timon : No!
Pumbaa : Girlfriends?
Timon : No! Wings!
Timon : Tell her, Pumbaa.
Pumbaa : What should I tell her?
Timon : Anything, Pumbaa.
Pumbaa : Um... your baby Earl jumped off the edge, fell thousands of feet and landed with a thump sort of sound.
Mother Eagle : WHAT?
Timon : Anything but that, Pumbaa!
Mother Eagle : I warned you what would happen if my baby Earl was scratched,
[rolls up the feathers on her right wing like it was a sleeve, underneath is a muscular arm with an anchor tatoo]
Bampuu : Timon? Ever wonder what those sparkly dots are up there?
Timon : Bampuu, I don't wonder, I know. They're fireflies. Fireflies that got stuck up in that big blueish-black thing.
Bampuu : Oh. Okay.
Timon : Bampuu? Aren't you going to say that you thought they were balls of gas burning billions of miles away?
Timon : [in an overlong trench coat] Good afternoon, sir! We would like to make you an offer... uh, er, I mean... I, a singular type human person... would like to make you an offer you can't refuse...
Quint : Criminal Quint is busy.
Timon : Wait! Don't shut us out! I mean, don't shut me, a singular type human person out... until you've seen... this!
[displays a plunger]
Quint : What is it?
Timon : It is a toilet plunger. You know, to steal all that money people throw down the drain. And it can be yours for the low low introductory this-week-only price of uh... $1,290,000.
Pumbaa : [from inside coat] ... in unmarked bills.
[Timon kicks Pumbaa]
Pumbaa : I mean, not in unmarked bills!
[Timon kicks Pumbaa]
Pumbaa : Oww! I mean, I didn't say anything!
Timon : Uh... my stomach can talk?
Timon : Of course! Why didn't I think of this before?
Pumbaa : Did you just think, Timon, that you would use that red towel as a cape and go out and act as a matador, then I would come out and act as a bull, and after we've performed a couple of harmless charges and everyone is cheering, we make our escape?
Timon : No, Pumbaa. I was thinking we'd capture a magic fairy and sprinkle his enchanted flying fairy dust into this towel. That way, we could soar into the heavens.
Pumbaa : Gee, Timon, that sounds a little far-fetched. I think my idea of what you were thinking of is better.
Pumbaa : There's no escape, Timon!
Timon : What are we going to do?
Pumbaa : Well, you're the brave one. Maybe you should fight him.
Timon : Me? Fight him? Have you flipped?
Pumbaa : But earlier today, you said you were three times as brave as El Toro.
Timon : Well, I thought we were talking about a different El Toro.
Pumbaa : And then after that, you said you weren't afraid of nobody or nothing. Remember?
Timon : Did I say that?
Pumbaa : And then later, after that, you said that you were born brave, and I was just born. And then...
Timon : All right! I'll save us!
Timon : It's no use we're gonna drown! We're gonna drown!
Pumbaa : Maybe you should drill a hole and let the water out.
Timon : [pause] Hey, I know, I'll drill a hole and let the water out.
[Timon drills a hole and more water comes into the boat]
Pumbaa : I don't think that was a very good idea of yours, Timon.
Pumbaa : Gee, Timon, all this water out here is shallow.
Timon : I can see that, Pumbaa.
Pumbaa : And you were going through all that trouble to get across the water.
Timon : Yes, I know.
Pumbaa : When you could have walked across all this water easy as pie?
Timon : Yes, I know.
Pumbaa : Easy as falling off a log? Easy as spitting? Easy as saying "Jack Robinson"? Easy as 1, 2, 3? Easy as...
Timon : [shouts] Yes, I know, Pumbaa!
Pumbaa : What are we going to do to get in here?
Speedy : Sing?
Pumbaa : Man, what a fathead. Hey Timon, I bet all his hats were afraid of him.
Pumbaa : Uh, Timon, You might want to stand back. I'm feeling a... great big belch coming on.
Timon : Dear Pumbaa. We're about to meet the Empress of Etiquettica. For cryin' out loud, hold it in.
Assistant : The Empress will see you now.
Timon : Your highnessness... ness.
Assistant : Well? You can't greet the Empress without saying something.
[Pumbaa shakes his head as he sweats]
Assistant : But you must... or it will be an aweful breach of etiquette.
[Pumbaa turns green, he's trying his hardest to hold it. Then blue, purple and... ]
Pumbaa : BURP!
Timon : Uh... in our coutry, it is a custom to greet this way. Rude not tude, in fact.
Assistant : Then why didn't you do it?
Timon : [gestures "why not?"] BURP!
Empress : Such strange customs. BURP!
Timon : Thanks, you're too kind.
Pumbaa : Ohh. Hey, there's a big hairy, six legged, winged bug-thing in my soup. How'd ya konw what my favorite soup is?
Male Ted : Well, we need proof that the suit's on the lion, so I want you to go back to the lion and...
Timon : Oh no no no no no, Ted. I don't think we're going anywhere. Since we expected you to ask for proof that the suit was on the lion,
[zooms out to see the Lion is standing behind them wearing a purple suit]
Timon : we brought him here. And he's not very happy.
Lion : So, you're the annoying little Teds that sent these guys out here bothering me.
Timon : [the Teds scream as the Lion jumps over the gate and starts destroying their club] You know what, Pumbaa?
Pumbaa : No, what?
Timon : From now on, I won't try to get into any club that won't accept me as a member.