Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) Poster

John Capodice: Sgt. Aguado


  • [Aguado stomps on a cockroach to provoke Ventura] 

    Aguado : Homicide, Ventura. Now how ya gonna solve that one?

    [everyone laughs] 

    Ace Ventura : Good question, Aguado. First, I'd establish a motive. In this case the killer saw the size of the bug's DICK, and became insanely jealous.

    [everybody "oohs"] 

    Ace Ventura : Then I'd lose 30 pounds... porkin' his wife!

    Aguado : Why you...!

    [Aguado charges Ace, but Ace makes him do a face-plant that ends with his face just an inch or so from the dead bug] 

    Ace Ventura : Now, kiss and make up.

  • Lois Einhorn : [after she finishes wrestling with Ace, to the surrounding police officers]  Shoot him! Shoot him!

    Emilio : [offscreen]  Hold your fire!

    [walks in with Melissa, gun to his head] 

    Emilio : Don't shoot!

    Melissa : Put your guns down or this cop gets it. I mean it!

    [cocks revolver] 

    Emilio : She's not joking!

    Lois Einhorn : [ignoring them]  He kidnapped Snowflake! He killed Roger Podator and was going to kill Dan Marino and meeeeee!

    Ace Ventura : Ho ho ho Hooooooooooooo! Fiction can be fun, but I find the reference section a little more enlightening. For instance, if you were to look up the NFL's "All Time Bonehead Plays," you might read about a Miami Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle, who missed the 26 yard field goal in the closing seconds of Super Bowl XVII.

    [takes deep breath] 

    Ace Ventura : What you wouldn't read about was how Ray Finkle lost his mind was committed to a mental hospital only to escape and join the police force under the assumed identity of a missing hiker manipulating his way to the top in a diabolical scheme to get even with Dan Marino for whom he blamed the entire thing!

    [takes another deep, relief breath] 

    Aguado : What the hell are you talking about?

    Ace Ventura : SHE'S NOT LOIS EINHORN!, She's Ray Finkle, she's a man.

    Lois Einhorn : He's lying. SHOOT HIIIIMMM!

  • Ace Ventura : You're certain you had to open this door.

    Aguado : Yeah, I'm certain.

    Lois Einhorn : What's the point, Ventura?

    Ace Ventura : Only this.

  • Aguado : Hey Ventura, Ventura. Make any good collars lately, or were they leashes.

  • Aguado : Uh oh, I think I heard a toilet flush. Maybe somebody lost a turtle.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

Recently Viewed