Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)
John Capodice: Sgt. Aguado
[Aguado stomps on a cockroach to provoke Ventura]
Aguado : Homicide, Ventura. Now how ya gonna solve that one?
Ace Ventura : Good question, Aguado. First, I'd establish a motive. In this case the killer saw the size of the bug's DICK, and became insanely jealous.
Ace Ventura : Then I'd lose 30 pounds... porkin' his wife!
Aguado : Why you...!
[Aguado charges Ace, but Ace makes him do a face-plant that ends with his face just an inch or so from the dead bug]
Ace Ventura : Now, kiss and make up.
Lois Einhorn : [after she finishes wrestling with Ace, to the surrounding police officers] Shoot him! Shoot him!
Emilio : [offscreen] Hold your fire!
[walks in with Melissa, gun to his head]
Emilio : Don't shoot!
Melissa : Put your guns down or this cop gets it. I mean it!
Emilio : She's not joking!
Lois Einhorn : [ignoring them] He kidnapped Snowflake! He killed Roger Podator and was going to kill Dan Marino and meeeeee!
Ace Ventura : Ho ho ho Hooooooooooooo! Fiction can be fun, but I find the reference section a little more enlightening. For instance, if you were to look up the NFL's "All Time Bonehead Plays," you might read about a Miami Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle, who missed the 26 yard field goal in the closing seconds of Super Bowl XVII.
[takes deep breath]
Ace Ventura : What you wouldn't read about was how Ray Finkle lost his mind was committed to a mental hospital only to escape and join the police force under the assumed identity of a missing hiker manipulating his way to the top in a diabolical scheme to get even with Dan Marino for whom he blamed the entire thing!
[takes another deep, relief breath]
Aguado : What the hell are you talking about?
Ace Ventura : SHE'S NOT LOIS EINHORN!, She's Ray Finkle, she's a man.
Lois Einhorn : He's lying. SHOOT HIIIIMMM!
Aguado : Hey Ventura, Ventura. Make any good collars lately, or were they leashes.
Aguado : Uh oh, I think I heard a toilet flush. Maybe somebody lost a turtle.