Gene Loomis: Y'know, it's hard to believe you're a grown-up.
Ruth Corday: No kidding.
Lawrence Woolsey: You think grown-ups have it all figured out? That's just a hustle, kid. Grown-ups are making it up as they go along, just like you. You remember that, and you'll do fine.
Ruth Corday: He's not a monster, he's a shoe salesmen.
General Ankrum: [referring to her transformed husband] Would you let *that* fit you in a pump?
Lawrence Woolsey: Herb's an interesting guy. He used to be kind of, uh... dishonest: shakedown artist, strong arm. Someone sent him to collect money from me just when I needed an inexpensive actor. Isn't it fun to know these things about your favorite stars?
Gene Loomis: So, what did they give you?
Sandra: A week's detention.
Gene Loomis: Wow.
Sandra: They put Gandhi away for a year,
Gene Loomis: I don't know that many people around here.
General Ankrum: [referring to the giant creature climbing the building] What in creation do you call that thing?
Ruth Corday: Bill...
Dr. Flankon: [to Carole] Young lady, human/insect mutation is far from an exact science...
[Lawrence Woolsey describes his movie-making philosophy]
Lawrence Woolsey: A zillion years ago, a guy's living in a cave. He goes out one day, Bam! He gets chased by a mammoth. Now he's scared to death, but he gets away. And when it's all over with, he feels great.
Gene Loomis: Well yeah, 'cause he's still living.
Lawrence Woolsey: Yeah, but he knows he is. And he feels it. So he goes home, back to the cave, the first thing he does,
[Waving his hand on a brick wall to show cave-drawing of Woolly Mammoth]
Lawrence Woolsey: ... he does a drawing of the mammoth. And he thinks, "People are coming to see this. Let's make it good. Let's make the teeth real long, and the eyes real mean."
[Animated sequence of roaring Woolly Mammoth, squashed at end by Woolsey's hand]
Lawrence Woolsey: Boom! The first monster movie. That's probably why I still do it. You make the teeth as big as you want, then you kill it off, everything's okay, the lights come up...
[Pretending to sigh]
Lawrence Woolsey: [seeing kids jump in their seats] Gotcha!
Howard, the Theater Manager: [believing that the Soviets are attacking his theater] This is it!
Dennis Loomis: No monsters? Hell.
Anne Loomis: Where did he get that?
Gene Loomis: [nodding to the TV, where minutes earlier Dennis was watching Adlai Stevenson's speech] On U.N.
Howard, the Theater Manager: The country is on red alert. People are already scared.
Lawrence Woolsey: Exactly! What a perfect time to open a new horror movie. Think of it, my friend. Millions of people looking over their shoulder, waiting for God's other shoe to drop, never knowing if each kiss, each sunset...
[Woolsey steps on a malted milk ball]
Lawrence Woolsey: ...each malted milk ball might be their last.
Lawrence Woolsey: [talking to theatre staff] I know some of you have never been in the motion picture business before, and some of you have been at it a long time. But I want all of you to look at the faces out here during this picture. There's gonna be room in their heads for only one thought: "Don't let it get me!" They know we can't hurt 'em, but they're still gonna be scared half to death. And all of you, when you thread the projector, when you tear the tickets, when you sell the jujubes, you're all a part of it. And just when it gets the worst, when they're sitting there and their hearts are going like trapped animals out here in the dark, we save them. And they say, "Hey, it's all right! Thank God! Hey, can I see that again?" P.S., No, they can't. We clear between shows.
Store Clerk: [breaking up fight between Mr. Elroy and another customer over a box of Shredded Wheat] Gentlemen, please!
Shredded Wheat Man: [grabbing the box] That's my Shredded Wheat!
Mr. Elroy: Is there any more in back?
Store Clerk: There's no more Shredded Wheat in back. There's no more Shredded Wheat in the entire Keys, and one of you will have to go to the Atomic Destruction with no damn Shredded Wheat!
Lawrence Woolsey: Hello, I'm Lawrence Woolsey.