Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988)
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It's a send up of film noir thrillers with offbeat comedy in the vein of "The Naked Gun" films and is genuinely hilarious from start to finish. The story revolves around Jack Chandler, a private eye in Hollywood who is hired to find a missing girl. However, his search leads him to a cult of chainsaw weilding prostitutes led by none other than Gunnar Hansen (Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre).
There are plenty of weird and wacky scenes, pieced together by corny film noir narration and music, and the narration and dialogue in the film is extremely witty.
Definitely one of the best films of its type. If you are after a fun little comedy/horror film with the typical fix of nudity, corny one liners and gore which is genuinely funny and clever, this should be on top of your list.
I agree with the mention of choreography--this has two hilarious (and damn sexy) dance sequences with Michelle Bauer and Linnea Quigley in the buff (the latter doing the "Virgin Dance of the Double Chainsaws"), that should please their fans. Richardson is a howl and Hansen gets a few funny moments in there as well, though he's not nearly as animated as the leading ladies or Richardson. Nearly every line of dialogue is extremely campy and whoever scripted this thing has a playful ear for puns and wordplay. There's also plenty of blood/gore (I think Steve Johnson did some of it), a few AIRPLANE-style gags and a great mock- Elvis song for Michelle to dance to. In short, a must see for fans of B-movies and probably Fred Olen Ray's finest hour.
Score: 7 out of 10.
Jay Richardson plays Jack Chandler, a sleazy private-eye searching for missing teenager Samantha (Linnea Quigley). During the course of his investigations, he meets Mercedes (Michelle Bauer), a sexy, but murderous hooker, and subsequently discovers the existence of a chainsaw worshipping cult, led by The Stranger, (Gunnar Hansen).
With its deliberately cheesy film-noir voice-over, some very bad comedy, frequent nudity from scream queens Quigley and Bauer, and some daft OTT power-tool dismemberment, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers isn't as unwatchable as the title suggests. If you're in the mood for a spot of unpretentious low-budget fun, then check out this entertaining 80s cult classic.
This film gave me almost as much fun as computer games like Day of the Tentacle and Sam & Max did. Save it for a rainy day (emotionally or just literally) and be sure to have a smile put back on your face.
Without a doubt one of the best motion pictures from it genre!
10 out 10 on the B-movie scale
By the way, this does have quite a bit of nudity in it, so if you're easily offended, look elsewhere for cheesy thrills...
All B-movie fans should see this movie. Even if you can't make it through the whole thing, the best scene is in the first ten minutes. Michelle Bauer strips while dancing to Elvis. She gets her room ready for some chainsaw action while naked. She's putting plastic sheeting over her Elvis painting, putting on a shower cap so she doesn't get blood in her hair, etc. See Michelle's naked body drenched in blood while she's holding a chainsaw! B-movie nirvana!
Michelle Bauer and Linnea Quigley make this movie happen. Bauer has an unbelievably tight body. I could watch that strip scene over and over. OK, I admit it. I have watched it over and over. Mmmm...Hookers chainsawing. And I don't know what it is about Linnea Quigley. She has got this great body with this innocent little face. It works. Her dance of the two chainsaws at the end is another highlight. The outfit she wore during her dance is something special. They both get naked in the flick as do a number of other women. You can't go wrong. OK, sure. They may not be the greatest actresses in the world. So what? They get an A+ in my book for getting into the swing of things and embracing the art of being a Chainsaw Hooker.
The detective who was investigating the chainsaw murders had some funny lines. The best line? Michelle and the detective are at a bar. She says, "Jack? I'm going to **** your brains out." The Detective thinks to himself: "I didn't like the sound of that."
If you like B-movies about hookers with chainsaws, you've got to see this flick!
This movie isn't great art and it doesn't have anything important to say, but it keeps things breezy and light for its short runtime and seems to have a great sense of humor about itself. Linnea Quigley and Michelle Bauer are fun and committed as always.
Apparently, this was shot in 5 and a half days and I'm pretty wowed by that. It certainly looks and feels low budget, but it's well put together and doesn't suffer from heavy padding like a lot of these films do.
Definitely worth seeing for low budget horror enthusiasts.
In addition, I love the plot, so original. It really makes you think about whether our immigration laws are too lax or have we let religious freedom go to far. (Yes, that bit is from the movie, but I couldn't phrase it better.)
Now as to the soundtrack, the composer, Michael Perilstein, did a masterful job. It's hypnotic. I even bought it and listen to it in my car. Michael, if you ever read this; I bought your book as well. :-)
Surely there is a special place in heaven for director Fred Olen Ray and his cast and crew. God bless each and everyone of you. Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers will live beyond eternity! Thank you, thank you, thank you for making this movie.
Mr. private eye's narration was an attempt to give this mess a little class. It succeeded, it gave it only a little class.
Seeing Gunnar Hansen (Leatherface, as if you didn't know) play the cult leader was a trip. But I think I understand why he doesn't get many speaking roles. He looked great, but the delivery was hammier than a pig farm.
The ladies, including a then famous Linnea Quigley, looked gorgeously evil too. And sexy as well.
The ending was hardly a surprise, it was just a case of WHEN was it going to happen.
And I liked seeing the late Fox Harris aka Jerry Fox in a cameo.
This here was quite the fun and goofy effort. One of the finest points in this one is the fact that there's very little shame in the absolutely cheesy and silly atmosphere here. The sense of humor here is incredibly fun, making this one quite easy to watch as there's a lot of humorous jokes, quips and situations that manage to provide plenty of laughs here, as well as the utterly unneeded voice-over narration that goes against everything usually found during the particular sequence. As these come about mainly from the utterly ridiculous plot line that comes about here, which has so many oddly intertwined story lines here that it manages to bring out the crazy situations rather nicely here with all that it includes so many goofy times here. Connecting ancient Egyptian folklore to that of a chainsaw-worshipping society disguised as hookers leaves such a silly taste here that it really drives the film forward rather nicely here by engaging in so much extreme silliness with the incredibly fun scenes found in the later half when it really takes advantage of the situation. Taking place in the abandoned warehouse filled with the low-rent artifacts to make it look like something set in that kind of location which becomes all the more fun with the fun action taking place throughout here from the special ceremonial rituals that take place featuring the chainsaws being refueled by the women to the gathered masses seeing the different means of preparation that they go through which sets up the big finale with the chainsaw-wielding girls going through the big dance that lets this one end on a high note. As well, this one features all the fun and cheesy gore and nudity with the series of encounters they have with their clients while pretending to be hookers before turning the tables on everyone which allows this to indulge in those elements rather freely which help to give this a rather cheesy atmosphere. These here manage to hold this up over it's small and somewhat unimportant if still present flaws. The main issue here is the fact that the film really doesn't have any real plot-point to talk about as there's a series of unrelated and unconnected scenes that come together to form a coherent story. This one just rambles along at a decent pace with a series of scenes that don't really feel like part of the same story overall since the goofiness of it all makes no sense. It never makes any kind of connection between the need for the Egyptian nature of the cult or the love of chainsaws, and it causes this one to feel quite clumsy. Along with the rather cheap looking feel that runs throughout this one, these here are what hold it back.
Rated Unrated/R: Full Nudity, Graphic Violence and Graphic Language.
The guy who plays the main character, "Jack Chandler", actually has a face and manner to suit the hard boiled detective, and the movie also benefits from the scream queen double bill of the beautiful Michelle Bauer and Linnea Quigley. Genre fans will appreciate Gunnar Hansen's appearance in another movie to do with chainsaws, though his "performance" makes you wish he'd stuck with the mask and apron.
The plot is something to do with a chainsaw worshipping cult from ancient Egypt - no kidding - who cut people up to sacrifice them to their deity. Bauer has a great nude scene as one of the hardware worshiping minions, hacking a guy up and getting her beautiful naked body sprayed with fake blood. She is so sexy right from her first appearance in the movie, in which she happens to be clothed, that it makes you wish other starlets in b-flicks could study her performance and realise it's about more than just taking your top off.
Linnea Quigley is also fantastic as the good girl gone bad, the role she was usually most comfortable in.
If you're a fan of b-horror movies and haven't seen this one, it's well worth checking out. It's typically low key and low budget, but the starlets light up the screen, and it's entertaining throughout.
The big city of L.A. is the setting, and a crazed religious cult of hookers worship chainsaws and hack up unsuspecting johns according to the ceremonial rituals established by leader (Gunnar Hansen), who was 'Leatherface' from the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. All throughout the madness, fed up but determined private eye Jay Richardson chases L.A.'s night life with pretty girls and severed body parts all leading up the center of the evil sect's most important ceremonial rite.
This has all of the elements of the typical 80s horror camp comedy; cheesy gore FX, plenty of nudity, and it never takes itself seriously enough to be confused with later chainsaw venues. Linnea Quigley is in her prime, and the gorgeous Penthouse Pet and B-movie goddess, Michelle Bauer shines as the deadly, Elvis-loving 'Mercedes' with the perfect body, charm and demented eyes.
The action is combined with humor to form the perfect blend of political satire, goofy quotes and in-jokes all adding up to the an impressive climatic performance entitled; 'The Virgin Dance of the Double Chainsaw'! Beneath all of the dirty L.A. sleaze and slime, this little flick has a charming quality about it that still entertains its audience 20 years later.
These kind of films were largely inspired by the 70's Roger Corman-produced films like "Hollywood Boulevard" or "Caged Heat" (Jim Wynorski actually got his start with Corman--thank's a lot, Roger), but there's a good reason many of the directors of those films went onto bigger and (usually) better things while the three amigos here have kept doing this same thing year after year. There's a big difference between seriously making schlocky films that nevertheless demonstrate real talent, and just mugging your way through self-consciously campy "cult films" in attempt to disguise a total lack of it. Olen Ray, at least, has a genuine love of film which shows in some of his best work (Wynorski, as he himself brags in every interview, is more interested in improving his own dating life than in making good movies, while the openly gay DeCouteau is just a hack by any standard).
As for the "scream queens", Quigley and Bauer, they certainly camp it up as usual, but make enough of effort that they seem more like genuine actresses than strippers here. This is the kind of the movie that really floats to the top of the HUGE pool of worthless crap movies that have been churned out since the early 80's, but it also, mind you, doesn't quite float ABOVE that pool. If you like these kinds of movies, of course, you won't want to miss it. And for everyone else?--well, you could do worse, I guess.
Again, don't take this for serious horror because that;s not the case! Serious horror fans could actually hate this.
Co-writer / producer / director Fred Olen Ray has never exactly made high art, but his joyously sleazy B movies have most often been great fun. This one has the bonus of actually being INTENTIONALLY funny, taking a tongue in cheek approach to its material. The humour starts with the deft parodying that Ray does of the entire film noir genre, complete with offbeat narration by Jack. Some of the lines are pretty amusing.
There's bountiful amounts of bare skin courtesy of our sexy female cast. B movie perennials Dawn Wildsmith and Michelle Bauer are both fun to watch. The colourful cast also includes Fox Harris ("Repo Man") as Hermie the photographer, Michael Sonye (a.k.a. Dukey Flyswatter(!)) as the bartender, Jimmy Williams as the unlucky Bo, and Dennis T. Mooney as Harrison the police detective. Quigley is adorable as always, Richardson is highly engaging, and Mr. Hansen contributes an agreeable, low key turn as the bad guy.
The tacky, bargain basement gore is a hoot, as is the catchy pop soundtrack.
In conclusion, let me just say that you haven't lived until you've seen The Virgin Dance of the Double Chainsaws.
Eight out of 10.
A LA Private eye is hired by a worried mother to find her missing runaway daughter, Samantha (Linnea Quigley, smokin' hot as always). As Private Dick Jack Chandler (Jay Richardson, with 12:00 shadow and grizzled PI look, including trench coat, fedora hat and loose tie, narrating the story) searches for her whereabouts he will have the misfortune of encountering an evil cult that worships an Egyptian god, the methods of human sacrifice using chainsaws their choice of appeasing their deity. What Chandler learns is that Samantha has revenge in store for "The Master" (Gunnar Hansen) and his bevy of blood-thirsty, chainsaw-wielding hookers. Playful Fred Olen Ray horror comedy is a joyously goofy satire on The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, with little really in common with Tobe Hooper's film, other than the use of the chainsaws and Leatherface himself without the mask (Hansen plays his orchestrator of bloodshed very straight, never cracking a smile or winking at the audience which I thought added a humorous spin to his wacko). While I admit that I watched this initially for the fun title and Linnea's presence in the movie, it was Michelle Bauer, as hooker Mercedes, who really captured my attention, because she knows how to deliver slutty lines with just the right touch of sexy and seductive—it also doesn't hurt that she is uninhibited and gets completely nude when she's hacking one pour soul to bits and pieces, a relish on her face offering a demented glee in butchering unsuspecting johns not prepared to be sliced and diced. As expected, there are plenty of flying body parts, spurting blood, sexual innuendo (less than subtle innuendo), and stripteases so, yeah, I had a good time. Not to mention, Jay Richardson has lines like "The Kid talked like a Frosted Flake but she had the nicest set of knockers I had seen in a long time." His narration is often tasteless and crude, but is spoken in such a serious tone as to poke loving fun at noir films where the detective communicates to us about his case as it progresses. You even get, during the cult ceremony at the end, Linnea (her practically naked body covered in body paint) performing the "Virgin Dance of the Double Chainsaws" leading to her saving the day as Chandler appears to be on the verge of becoming a sacrifice to some false god. Instead she gives a couple villains, as Chandler calls it, an "unscheduled appendectomy" with a chainsaw. Seeing Quigley and Bauer in a fight of "dueling chainsaws" was enough to make me happy, but their liberated willingness to remain scantily clad only added to my overall experience. What I love about Quigley are these cute expressions she makes with her eyes and face during periods of excitement or in an exuberant state—whether a sex kitten or profane, wisecracking chick with an attitude, I find Quigley irresistible. Richardson always had a knack for playing these macho male characters against absurd situations in Fred Olen Ray joints, unlike Hansen, he nudge, nudge, winks, winks at the audience that these movies are meant to be tongue-in-cheek entertainment. Oh, and by the way, if you chuckle at "dismemberment jokes", this film will not disappoint.