Dr. Deere: Ah, Maximilian, how very good of you to be so punctual!
Max: The name is Vandeveer. I don't wish to be on first name terms with anyone who's had their fingers up my rectum.
Ravello: No, he hated Zoppi far too much to kill him.
Ravello: Miss O'Brien, in Italy, finding someone you can really hate is as important as finding someone to love.
Ravello: You do not suddenly kill someone you have spent years hating.
Ravello: You have too big an investment in such a person.
Max: [Berating a subordinate] What next, the 'Andes Plane Crash Cookbook'?
Max: [to Dr. Deere, about being dangerously overweight] Cut down? I am what I am precisely because I've eaten my way to the top! I'm a work of art, created by the finest chefs in the world. Every fold is a brush stroke! Every crease a sonnet! Every chin a concerto! In short doctor darling, in my present form, I'm a masterpiece!
Max: Don't tell me another cook has been murdered! Who is it this time, Aunt Jemima?
Robby Ross: Come on, Nat, you don't consider a roll in the hay with your secretary adultery?
Natasha: What do you call it, shorthand?
Max: Won't it be fun, just the two of us in my kitchen!
Robby Ross: There's the three of us.
Max: [speaking to Natasha] So much for the fun.