Mister Ed (1958–1966)
Mister Ed: Don't yell at me, Wilbur, I'm not your wife.
Wilbur Post: I've been meaning to ask you, Ed. Just how do horses sleep standing up?
Mister Ed: [Shocked] We Do?
Wilbur Post: Didn't you know?
Mister Ed: How can I? When I'm asleep my eyes are closed!
Wilbur Post: [after Mister Ed makes a great shot in a ring toss game] Good throw, Ed! I bet you're also good at pitching horseshoes!
Mister Ed: No, Wilbur, I don't play horseshoes.
Wilbur Post: Really? Why not?
Mister Ed: Because Mom always taught us kids not to throw our clothes around!
Mister Ed: What do you say we go out riding and pick up a couple of fillies?
Wilbur Post: I'm not a horse, remember?
Mister Ed: Too bad, we could have a ball double dating.
[opening line of each episode]
Mister Ed: Hello, I'm Mr. Ed.
Mister Ed: [impatiently] Let's Go Wilbur!
Wilbur Post: Go? You're on the bottom!
Mister Ed: Sorry! I forgot!
Wilbur Post: Ed, you have run away for the last time! I'm going to lock you in your stall.
Mister Ed: Don't do that Wilbur! I suffer from claustrophobia!
Wilbur Post: Claustrophobia? You mean you have a fear of confined spaces?
Mister Ed: Sure, it runs in the family. I even get nervous when I put my nose in a small feedbag.
[Wilbur finds Mister Ed sleeping in his living room]
Wilbur Post: Oh no.
Mister Ed: If you had a dog, you'd let him sleep in the house.
Wilbur Post: A dog is different. A dog is a household pet.
Mister Ed: Then call me "Rover" and wake me at eight.
Wilbur Post: [after Ed finds a straw hat] What are you going to do with a straw hat?
Mister Ed: I'll wear it till it goes out of style. Then I'll eat it!
Mister Ed: You should never have told me horses sleep standing up, it gave me a mental block.
Mister Ed: I love Christmas. Wilbur is so full of the spirit of giving, and I'm so full of the spirit of receiving.
Wilbur Post: Ed, I've got a wife in my house.
Mister Ed: Don't tell me your troubles, I've got my own!
Carol Post: A diamond ring! Wilbur, you shouldn't have done it...!
Wilbur Post: They always say it right after you've done it.
Wilbur Post: Ed, I told you not to spy on our new neighbors.
Mister Ed: I'm not spying, I'm just exercising my eyes!
[repeated line, when Ed has gotten him into trouble]
Wilbur Post: Thanks a lot, Ed!
Roger Addison: [when he sees Wilbur's wife up in his arms again] Aren't you people overdoing this a bit?
Mister Ed: You love me more than you love your wife, don't you, buddy boy?
Wilbur Post: I only expect you to act like a normal human horse!
Wilbur Post: [after Gordon's car has been completely wrecked] Gee. Now you can hardly see my scratch!