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O. Henry's Full House (1952) Poster

Quotes

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Johnny Kernan (segment "The Clarion Call"): Once they make you walk up an alley, you never use a front door again.

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Sam 'Slick' Brown (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): An oil well is a hole in the ground surrounded by suckers.

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Sam 'Slick' Brown (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): Pull yourself together, William! What's a confidence man without confidence?

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Soapy (segment "The Cop and the Anthem"): It may interest to you to know, my good man, that I and the minutest coin of the realm are total strangers.

Waiter (segment "The Cop and the Anthem"): How's that?

Soapy (segment "The Cop and the Anthem"): I said I was broke!

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Sam 'Slick' Brown (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): [Being chased by a bear] We're going up a tree, William!

Bill Peoria (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): Can bears climb trees?

Sam 'Slick' Brown (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): Here he comes! We'll soon find out!

Sam 'Slick' Brown (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): [after shimmying up the tree] William, I think it's a cinnamon bear.

Bill Peoria (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): I don't care what flavor he is. He's more apt to taste me.

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Narrator: Our folklore is full of O. Henry. His courage and his gaiety and his people.

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Narrator: I've always believed that a writer should be read, not seen. But, O. Henry's dead. He can't speak for himself. I wonder if he would if he could?

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Cop (segment "The Cop and the Anthem"): What's going on here? What's happening?

Streetwalker (segment "The Cop and the Anthem"): He called me a lady.

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Soapy (segment "The Cop and the Anthem"): Good afternoon, my dear. Aren't you a little lonely window-shopping all by yourself? Wouldn't you prefer to come and play in my backyard?

Streetwalker (segment "The Cop and the Anthem"): Sure, I don't mind, if you buy me a drink. How's dear cousin Fanny?

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Barney Woods (segment "The Clarion Call"): I never knew of a good thief that'd touch liquor. Makes you bigmouthed.

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Soapy (segment "The Cop and the Anthem"): It isn't my body that's sick. It's my soul. For the first time in my life I've viewed the horrible pit into which I've tumbled: the degraded days, unworthy desires, dead hopes, wrecked faculties, base motives, that have made up my useless existence!

Susan Goodwin (segment "The Last Leaf"): I wasn't gonna tell you, Soapy, but I got 30 cents a lady give me. I'll buy ya a beer.

Soapy (segment "The Cop and the Anthem"): It isn't beer that I need. It's hope, faith, the assurance that it's still not too late to pull myself out of the mire - to make a man of myself again, to conquer the evil that's taken possession of me!

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Johnny Kernan (segment "The Clarion Call"): Come on upstairs. I got a jug. We'll belt a few, have the old times all over again, huh?

Barney Woods (segment "The Clarion Call"): I doubt it. We had 'em once. We can belt a few anyway.

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Johnny Kernan (segment "The Clarion Call"): What are you doing here? Get out! Get out. Go to your room! We wanna talk!

Girl (segment "The Clarion Call"): Can I stay and talk too, Johnny?

Johnny Kernan (segment "The Clarion Call"): Move or I'll knock some of that fat off of you!

[slaps the Girl]

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Johnny Kernan (segment "The Clarion Call"): Come on, ya monkey! Clap! That was good. Clap!

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Soapy (segment "The Cop and the Anthem"): Under the circumstances, I would think a dollar cigar would be just about right.

Horace (segment "The Cop and the Anthem"): A whole dollar for one cigar?

Soapy (segment "The Cop and the Anthem"): My dear fellow, upon such occasions as this, one cannot afford to be niggardly.

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Sam 'Slick' Brown (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): Which one of us is the smarter? How many times have you been in jail, William?

Bill Peoria (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): Six times.

Sam 'Slick' Brown (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): I have only been incarcerated twice. So the answer is obvious.

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Sam 'Slick' Brown (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): William, for a quick, safe return on your investment - you simply cannot beat kidnapping. I regard it as even a sounder proposition than swindling widows and orphans. And that is particularly true down here in this peruna-and-chitlins country, for the natives down here share one outstanding weakness: they love their children.

Bill Peoria (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): It's too risky. Suppose you kidnap an orphan? Who pays to get him back?

Sam 'Slick' Brown (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): William, don't be so pessimistic.

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Susan Goodwin (segment "The Last Leaf"): The doctor says it's nothing. Just a couple of days rest. Of course, he thinks you ought to be spanked for going out in such weather.

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Sam 'Slick' Brown (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): J.B., William and I have decided you may keep the knife.

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Jim (segment "The Gift of the Magi"): Actors. I hate actors more than I hate poison!

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Johnny Kernan (segment "The Clarion Call"): Clam head! Oughta give him a mouthful of knuckles.

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Bill Peoria (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): You know anything about children?

Sam 'Slick' Brown (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): Only one thing. Children have to do what grown-ups tell them to do, because we're bigger than they are.

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Johnny Kernan (segment "The Clarion Call"): Newsboys! Bunch of clam heads, all of them! They got nothin' on me.

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Sam 'Slick' Brown (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): Go away, pussy. Go away. Nice pussy. Go away, pussy. Go on, go on, go on! You see, it's nothing if you're not afraid.

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Bill Peoria (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): How much you gonna ask for him?

Sam 'Slick' Brown (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): I intended opening up with a bid of 2,000.

Bill Peoria (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): Two thousand? I think you're overestimating this kid's charm.

Sam 'Slick' Brown (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): The trouble with you is you don't understand human nature. The blacker the sheep, the quicker they bail 'em out. And if I'm any judge of black sheep, we have come up with a collector's item.

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Della (segment "The Gift of the Magi"): Why, Mr. Young, what an improper thought.

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Jim (segment "The Gift of the Magi"): Why, Mrs. Young, what an improper thought.

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Sam 'Slick' Brown (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): How did he get the watch?

Bill Peoria (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): We were having dinner, and suddenly he put a red-hot boiled potato down my back and mashed it with his foot.

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Bill Peoria (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): He wanted to play Indian and I didn't want to.

Sam 'Slick' Brown (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): I see no reason why you couldn't oblige the little fella, William.

Bill Peoria (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): Except that he wanted to scalp me.

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Della (segment "The Gift of the Magi"): I want everyone to have a Merry Christmas, even Santa Claus.

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Bookkeeper (segment "The Gift of the Magi"): Poor fella's henpecked, isn't he?

Bill (segment "The Gift of the Magi"): Did you ever see his wife?

Bookkeeper (segment "The Gift of the Magi"): No.

Bill (segment "The Gift of the Magi"): You should be henpecked so nice.

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J.B. Dorset aka Red Chief (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): Paleface lie. Fool Red Chief. Red Chief never forget.

Bill Peoria (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): Something tells me our triumph is only temporary.

J.B. Dorset aka Red Chief (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): Paleface not dumb.

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Jim (segment "The Gift of the Magi"): Tell me, Bill, why does a woman wanna wear the skin of a seal?

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J.B. Dorset aka Red Chief (segment "The Ransom of Red Chief"): Red Chief gotta ride back to reservation. Warn his people palefaces comin'. Red Chief need horse.

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